THURSDAY JOKES - 120

 

Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, without warning, and with unusual patterns of destruction. In one case, a house was completely whisked away leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor.
The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself. "It was the strangest thing... it was the strangest thing..." she kept repeating dazedly.
"What was the strangest thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers.

"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did was pull the plug and the whole darned house suddenly drained away!"

When Nancy bought half a dozen underwear for her husband Ned, Ned commented, "What made you buy the same colour honey? People may think I never change my undies."
Nancy asked, "which people?"
The silence was deafening!

A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.
Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now!
Nurse: What is it?

Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors but that's not important now!

What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge into a river?

Pollution!

A blonde was rollerblading with her headphones on. She stopped at the hair salon and asked for a haircut. She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off the headphones.

The stylist replied "no" so the blonde left. She went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. the stylist replied "ok".

After a while, the blonde fell asleep in the chair. the stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. 

Confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. they were saying, "breath in, breath out!!!"

“I'm reading a book about black holes by Stephen Hawkins.

 It really draws you in!”

 

What do you call all the lawyers thrown off a bridge?

Solution!

During a political debate, the politicians were asked to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

The first one from Barisan National, came up with an answer right away. He said, "One of my hobbies is painting and no matter if I paint with water-colours or oils I always fascinate people with my work."

The second politician from Pakatan, said "My grandfather was a magician and whenever he performed a trick be it with cards or hoops or magic balls, he would always fascinate us."

The third politician from a Religious Party, said "I don't know if I can do that."

The master-of-ceremony of the debate said, "Go ahead take a couple of minutes then give it your best."

The third politician thought for a while then said, "I know this gal, one time she went to the store to buy a new blouse. The blouse had ten buttons on it, but when she went to button it, her boobs were so big that she could only fasten eight!"

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