THURSDAY JOKES - 92

 

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80."
"Then my wife's father died and left us ten million dollars!"

Was that an earthquake, or did you rock my world? 

A primary school teacher was instructing her students on the value of coins. 

She took a 50 sen coin and laid it on her desk. "Can any of you tell me what it is?" she asked.
From the back of the room came the answer: "Tails!"

A technique to terrorize a Telemarketer!
Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask her if she will give you her HOME phone number so you can call her back. When the telemarketer explains that she cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"

Was your dad a baker? 

Because you have got a nice set of buns!

A man and his wife started out in the car after a quarrel. She sat in the back seat and continued to berate him for his faults. In her excitement she pounded on the car door and it flew open. Several blocks later one of their neighbours flagged the man down.
"Your wife fell out of the car back there," he said.
The man looked over at the back seat. "Thank goodness!" he said, "I thought I had lost my hearing!"

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, “I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.”
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from the basement to the attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?”

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