SATURDAY JOKES - 107

 

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. 

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" 

The survey was a huge failure. 

In Africa, they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant!

A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving." 

The son replied, "Maybe he has good parents then!"

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours but you can't put yours in mine!"
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours but you won't know the depth of mine!"

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past!"

I saw a young teenage kid on the subway today. He had a Mohawk hairstyle dyed yellow, green, and red. 

He caught me staring at him and in a nasty voice asked, "What the hell are you looking at?" 

I replied, "Sorry, but when I was about your age, I had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son!"

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" 

He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humour!"

Did you hear about the two bald guys who put their heads together? 

They made an ass out of themselves!

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Kamal."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No, no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general.

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no, deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch!"

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