THURSDAY JOKES

It is the month of April 2020 in a resort town which sits next to the shores of a large lake. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. The 5-star hotel in town did not have any guest because of the lockdown. Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the hotel, lays five RM100 notes on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.The hotel proprietor takes the five RM100 notes and runs to pay his debt to the vegetable seller. The vegetable seller takes the five RM100 notes and runs to pay his debt to the farmer. The farmer takes the five RM100 notes and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his seed and fertilizer. The supplier of seed and fertilizer takes the five RM100 notes and runs to pay his debt to the town’s prostitute that, in these hard times, gave her “services” on credit. The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the five RM100 notes to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.The hotel proprietor then lays the five RM100 notes back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything. At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his five RM100 notes after saying he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a  breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have a very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Okay,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really high.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

Did you hear about a claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space!

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line!

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of the paws; a comma is a pause at the end of the clause!

What did a bald man exclaim when he received a comb as his birthday present?

Thanks - I will never part with it?

What did one hat say to the other?

You wait here, I will go ahead!

The CEO of a large company was walking to the cafeteria along with two of his secretaries. Upon tripping on a bottle, a genie appeared and asked the threesome if they would like to each make a wish. The first secretary excitedly exclaimed, “I wish I was on a beach in a beautiful tropical island!” Immediately her wish was granted. The next secretary proclaimed, “I wish I was on a tour of France!” Immediately her wish too, was granted. Being that it was now his turn to make a wish the CEO exclaimed “I want the two of them back in their offices right after lunch today!”

Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for. When it was Jerry’s turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years. “Wow” the leader gushed “that’s amazing, perhaps you can take a few minutes to share some insights with everybody, how you stay married to the same woman for so long. “Well,” Jerry said after thinking for a few moments, “I try to treat her nice, buy her presents, take her on trips…………. and best of all, for our 25th anniversary I took her to the Bahamas.” “Well that’s really beautiful, and a true inspiration for all of us” the lady said “maybe you can tell us what you are going to do for your 50th anniversary” she said with a smile “Well” Jerry said “I’m thinking of going back to the Bahamas to pick her up.

Women call me ugly until they found out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

I broke my finger last week.

On the other hand, I am okay.

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they are gonna pay.

You have my Word.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, it's not going to come anyway.

A man died and went to The Judgment, they told him , “Before you meet with God,  I should tell you — we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?” The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a person who was being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip. Well, I tore the  ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to deal with me!” “Wow that’s impressive, “When did this happen?” “About three minutes ago,” came the reply.

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.