SUNDAY JOKES - 35

 

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...
"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?"
"Well,", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."
And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.
The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

All Bill asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Anne haughtily rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!"
"Well," Bill replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?"

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."
Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."
So, the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."
And again, John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!"
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"
Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."

I told my wife she is drawing her eyebrow too high.

She looked surprised!

Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like.
On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.

I threw a boomerang a few years ago.

I now live in constant fear!

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? 

Kid - 1
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.

Kid - 2

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? 

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? 

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? 

Both don't want any more kids.

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Kid - 1

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. 

Kid - 2

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. 

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? 

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE ?

Kid - 1

When they're rich.

Kid - 2

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. 

Kid - 3

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? 

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? 

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? 

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.

(all the above answers were given by kids)

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