SATURDAY JOKES - 75

 

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?" The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."

 

Why do fish live in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality!

Someone mistakenly left the cages open in the reptile house at the Zoo Negara and there are snakes slithering all over the place.
Frantically, the keeper tries everything, but he can't get them back in their cages. 

Finally, he says, "Quick, call a lawyer!"
"A lawyer? Why??"
"We need someone who speaks their language!"

Have you heard about the elephant with diarrhea?
It's all over town!

A man and a giraffe walked into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies.

The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

"Hey, you can't leave him lying there!", the bartender yells out.

The man turns around and says, "It's not a lion. It's a giraffe!" 

Q. How can you tell if your husband is dead? 

A. The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.

An octogenarian moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play but was told everyone scheduled to play was already out on the course. He was so disappointed, the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and would give him a 12-stroke handicap.
The 80-year-old said, "I really don't need a handicap. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps."
They both played well. Coming into the par three 18th they were even. The Assistant Pro had a nice drive to mid-fairway and would be able to get on the green with the next stroke and then putt for a par with the following play.
The old man hit a long drive, and the ball landed in one of the two sand traps around the hole. Shooting from the sand trap on his second stroke, he hit a high ball which landed on the green and rolled right into the hole!
The Assistant Pro was stunned. "Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps."
"I do," replied the octogenarian. "Give me a hand."

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