SUNDAY JOKES - 83

 

During a funeral, the organist played a beautiful rendition of Bach's "Sheep May Safely Graze" as the casket was carried out of the church. After the service, the priest complimented him on his performance.
"Oh, by the way," the priest asked, "Do you know what the deceased did for a living?"
"No idea," said the organist as he began packing up.
The priest smiled, "He was our local butcher!"

“Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing,” I said to my wife.
She said, “Wear your own then.”

As a mother was bribing her little boy with a fifty-cent coin so he would behave, she said, "Why do I always have to pay you to be good?

Why can't you be good for nothing like your dad?"

My boss in the office told me to have a good day, so I packed my bag and went home!

The doctor entered the room and advised his patient that a brain transplant was the only remedy.
"Fortunately," he continued, "this hospital has perfected the procedure; however, it is not yet available in the Government hospital and you will therefore have to pay for it.
We have two brains in stock at the moment, a female brain costing RM 30,000 and a male brain at RM 100,000"
"Why is the male brain so expensive?" asked the patient.
"Oh, that's easy, male brains are hardly used."

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. 

I asked it why. 

It told me it was none of my business!

Every sentence ends with a period. 

Every crime ends with a sentence!

A man enters his favourite Ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a nearby table. She looks at the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.
The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read:

"Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testa Rosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my willy. Just send the wine back!"

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