TUESDAY JOKES -84

 

A policeman was interrogating 3 Sikhs who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first Sikh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
"This is your suspect; how would you recognize him?"
The first Sardar answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second Sikh and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second Sikh smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you, two?? Of course, only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Sikh and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The Sikh looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the Sikh replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear!"

Whoever made the alphabet was wrong because the letters 'U' and 'I' should be together!

A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'willy'.
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!

I xeroxed my watch. 

Now I have time to spare.
And I can also give away free watches!

NED: I don't get along with bakers.
ED: Really.
NED: Let's just say, there's no loaf lost between us.

Tonto and the Lone Ranger had a falling out... because the Lone Ranger discovered that "Kimosabee" actually means... "asshole!"

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. 

Someone said you were looking for me!

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with her for RM 500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So, he had his secretary send a cheque for RM 250 and enclose the following typed note:
"Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque for RM 250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
1. it had never been occupied;
2. there was plenty of heat; and
3. it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for RM 250 with the following note:
"Dear Sir:
Firstly, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.
Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady!"

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