THURSDAY JOKES - 131

 

The devil meets him at the Gate and says, "Alright, you have died and have come to hell. You will spend eternity here but you get to choose how to spend it. You may choose one of these three doorways. Once you choose a door, you cannot change it. So, let's get started."

The devil opens Door One. The guy looks in and sees a couple of people standing on their heads on a concrete floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."
The devil opens Door Two. The guy sees a few more people standing on their heads on a Wood floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."
The devil opens Door Three. The guy sees a bunch of people standing knee-deep in cow manure drinking coffee. The guy says, "Great, this is the one I will choose." The devil says, "OK, wait right here, I will get you some coffee."
The guy settles in with his coffee thinking that this isn't so bad. What's the big deal?
After about 10 minutes a voice comes over the loud speaker saying, "Coffee break is over. Back on your heads!"



Are you a florist? Cause ever since I met you, my life has been rosy!

 

A man is in a bar and keeps falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So, the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.

The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Thank you for bringing him home for me but where's his wheel chair?"

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have had a galaxy in my hand!

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-medical student interrupted him.
"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

 

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, behaving like she is unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. My husband just walked in the door!

Four plus four equals eight, but you plus me equals fate!

A woman calls a local hospital . . . .
"Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients? I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected or getting worse."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
"Siti Khatijah, room 302."

"I'll connect you with the nursing station."

"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help you?"
"I'd like to know the condition of Siti Khatijah in room 302."

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Puan Siti Khatijah is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Adham Baba is going to send her home on Tuesday at noon."

The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"
The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"

"Neither! I am Siti Khatijah in 302! 

I called because the hospital staff tells the patient nothing.

By the way, Puan, Dr, Adham Baba has prescribed a warm lemon juice drink three times daily after you have been discharged!!!

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