SUNDAY JOKES - 157

 

A young boy enters a barbershop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a ringgit bill in one hand and a fifty sen coin in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the fifty sen and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the fifty sen coin instead of the ringgit bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the ringgit, the game is over!"

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
"It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

An old man walked into the confessional at the Catholic Church and said to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. Last night I had an affair, and I made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice."

The priest replied, "Well, my son when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm a Protestant."
The priest paused, and then asked, "So then, why are you telling me?"

"Hey Father, I'm telling everybody including you!"

A man was brought to a hospital with heavily fractured bones. 

The doctor in the intensive care unit asks him, "Are you married?"

"No, I've been run over by a truck!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. 

The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last question:

"How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES"? The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One".
The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining candidates.
The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"? She immediately says "One". The interviewer says, "OK, we'll let you know".
Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the questions, and finally gets asked: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES". She gets a very serious look on her face and starts counting her fingers, muttering: "2, 4, 6 ...., hmmm - wait,... 2, 4, 6 .... can I borrow your calculator please?"
After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating, she finally comes up with the answer: "Thirty-two"
The interviewer is stunned and asks her: "Ok, now tell me, how the hell did you arrive at this answer?"
She starts singing "Da Da Dah Dahhh Dah Dah Da Da Dah Dahhh Dah Dah ..."
(The theme song for Indiana Jones)

 

If your name is on the building, you’re rich...
If your name is on your desk, you’re middle-class...
If your name is on your shirt, you’re neither of the first two!

 

Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last soccer team to get a website?

Because they couldn't put three W's in a row!

In a busy city at a crowded bus stop, a stunningly beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight black leather mini-skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus's first step.
So, slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more.
And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big African man who was immediately behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
The pretty young woman went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!!!"

At this, the African man drawled, "Well madam, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind of figured that we were friends!"

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