SATURDAY JOKES - 192

 

Hantaran (Gifts) carriers at a Malay Wedding Ceremony during the floods at Pasir Puteh, Kelantan, Malaysia 4 days ago.

A Standard Six science teacher, Puan Salmah, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Liza stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the headmaster, who will then fire you!"
Puan Salmah ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Liza's mouth fell wide open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Ahmad stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Puan Salmah said, "Very good, Ahmad," then turned to Liza and continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed!"

 

How do you get a squirrel to like you? 

Act like a nut!

 

How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?

Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat!"

 

The pastor was greeting folks at the door after the church service. 

A woman said, “Father, that was a good sermon.”
The priest replied, “Oh, I have to give the credit to the Holy Spirit.”

“It wasn’t THAT clever!” she said.

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Husband wanted'. 

Next day she received a hundred letters. 

They all said the same thing: 'You can gladly have mine!'

 

A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' 

And the father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying!'

 

Did you hear the rumour about butter? 

Well, I'm not going to spread it!

 

After Quasibodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skill, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasibodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,

"BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL...."

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