ASK WHAT YOU WANT

 

The key reason why confidence is so powerful and magnetic is simple. It is because confident people ask for what they want. Whether it is advice, a sale, or a date, confident people ask others for what they want. They ask for what they want out of the world and they ask for what they want out of themselves. Surprisingly much of achieving goals is simply building up the courage to ask for them.

You need to ask because:

• Asking for what you want, gets you what you want.
• You need to ask to be able to serve.

The first answer may seem obvious. When you ask for what you want you can receive what you want. But the second answer may have surprised you. How does asking for what you want increases your capacity to serve?

Service Through Growth

The reason for asking helps you serve is because asking is critical to growth. When you do not ask for what you want, you cannot improve the value you are offering. And unless you are an extremely rare individual that already comes with tremendous value, your real ability to serve does not lie in your current talents. Your ability to serve comes from improving the value you offer.

Growth works in a cycle. You create value, you ask for what you want, and where you get rejected you modify your approach. This applies whether your entire intent is self-interest or service. Create value. Ask. Use rejection and success to improve.

A Goal is Asking the World for What You Want

You may have talked to people who are seriously overweight. You may believe that such people were fat because they tried really hard to lose weight and just failed. When you speak to many of these people, it seems like the real issue is that they did not ask for it strongly enough. They did not ask the world and themselves to be healthy. This is not to be trite and to say that losing weight is easy. But without the intention, nothing can happen.

The goals you set are the requests you make of the world. The Law of Attraction works because when you set an intention you are finally asking of the world and yourself what you actually want. Without asking, you can never figure out how to get it.

What about Spam?

We live in a spam culture. This is where many large organizations are completely unabashed when asking for what they want. Pushy salespeople, annoying advertisements, and an e-mail inbox full of unwanted garbage.

Spam is a sign of a poor request. Spamming people for what you want is a crude and ultimately ineffective way to ask. But this does not mean that asking is bad or wrong. You just have to know how to ask. Asking in a way that provides more value than you are requesting back. Asking in a way that displaces grace and tact.

There are really three approaches when it comes to working towards your goals: not asking at all, asking ineffectively, and asking effectively.

Most women would not appreciate a greasy guy who has not showered in a week asking if she wants to go on a date. Most single women would rather have a nice, charming, and attractive guy approach them. But remember that even if you are the nice, charming, and attractive guy – you will still not get the date if you do not ask.

Not asking at all is just as bad as asking poorly. Unfortunately, even a rude, greasy guy with poor social skills will get more dates than the prefect guy who does not ask anyone.

Asking often seems greedy and unwanted in our culture. We get too many requests from people who simply are not providing enough value in return. But that does not mean people do not want you to ask. If you ask the right way, most people are dying for you to ask them.

Taking the Initiative

When most people hear the word "ask", they are thinking of a one-sided transaction. If I ask you for fifteen ringgit and you comply, I will be fifteen ringgit richer and you are fifteen ringgit poorer. The truth is very few transactions you will have are this extreme. Successful asking usually takes an almost opposite tact where the other person profited far more from the transaction than you did.

The combined costs of writing content, hosting, and managing this website minus the small revenue we generate means that many people have access to hundreds of articles you have, which means we only earn a fraction of a cent out of most individuals. Based on the thousands of glowingly positive comments we have received we are sure many of you value this site at more than a fraction of a cent.

When we are engaged in promoting this website we are asking for a transaction where others get free access to hundreds of thousands of words of free content while we only benefit with less than a fraction of a cent per visitor. Asking can often appear very similar to giving.

The real key to asking is that you are the one taking the initiative. You are the one who is trying to fulfill the transaction. Even if the transaction is incredibly one-sided in the other person’s favour, you are still asking to complete the interaction. Even if you are Brad Pitt, most women will still expect him to ask them out. Even if you have the best product in the world, most people will expect you to ask for the sale. Do not confuse asking with taking.

The real value of confidence is it enables you to ask. Confidence is the deep feeling and belief that the value you offer into the transaction is at least equal or in excess of what you are asking for in return. The belief that the people listening to your speech benefit more than your fees. The belief that the women you approach will benefit from your relationship. The belief that you have value to give. Ask in a way that creates more value than you take.

But remember this, you still need to ask because the world is not going to ask for you.

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