Three little boys were sitting on a porch. The first little boy says, “What would you do with a million dollars?” The second boy said, “I’d buy that blue Cadillac over there.” The third little boy said, “I’d buy the pink Cadillac sitting over there.”
Then the third little boy asked the first what he’d do with the money. The first boy replied, “I’d cover myself in hair.” The other two asked “why?” and he said because my sister has a long patch of hair and she owns both those Cadillac!
A couple days ago, I was crossing this bridge and there was this character standing there with a cup in his hand. He goes, Hey, can you help out my wife and family? I said, Sure. And I pushed him off the bridge!
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously grounded to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
“I know,” said the Branch Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems and we can be on our way.”
“No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me and in no time at all, I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it and we can be on our way.”
“Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again!”
Dear Tech Support,
Last year, I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system.
I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me?
I M Depress.
Dear I M Depress,
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a “UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT” program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.
WARNING DO NOT TRY TO un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. Trying to un-install Wife 1.0 can be disastrous.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.
Look in your manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. Others have tried to run Girlfriend 2.0 in the background, while Wife 1.0 is running. Eventually Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Girlfriend 2.0 and a system conflict occurs, this can lead to a non-recoverable system crash.
Some users have tried to download similar products such as Fling and 1NiteStand. Often these systems have become infected with viruses.
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs).
You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push the apologize button then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs.
The system will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.
Suggestions for improved operation of Wife 1.0
-Monthly use utilities such as The Learning Channel and Fight To Death!
-Frequently use Communicator 5.0
With best wishes,
Tech Support.
One night an angel was flying around.
She saw a guy is counting sheep in bed: “one, two, three, four, five, six …”
The angel removed his left brain, and the guy counts: “one … three … five …”
The angel then returns his left brain and removed his right brain, the guy counts: ” … two, … four, … six …”
Finally, the angel removed both brains and the guy counts: “satu … dua … tiga … empat…”
An Indian, a Chinese and a Malay guy were walking down the street, then suddenly a car came and knocked all three of them in one go. Soon it attracted a crowd as they tried to help the victims. While waiting for the ambulance, the Indian guy suddenly woke up and the crowd asked what happened? He said when all three were hit, they went to heaven. God told them that it wasn’t really their time so with a fee of RM 100 each, they can return back to their bodies. So, the crowd asked where were the Chinese and Malay guys. He said “The last time I remembered the Chinese guy was bargaining for a lower fee and the Malay guy was insisting his Government will pay for it!”
A Korean guy asked God.
“God, when will Korea win the World Cup?”
God said “50 years”.
The Korean guy cried because he won’t live to see his country win.
A Singaporean asked God.
“God, when will Singapore win the World Cup?”
God said “100 years”.
The Singaporean guy cried because he and his son won’t see his country win.
Finally, a Malaysian guy asked God.
“God, when will Malaysia win the World Cup?”
God cried instead!
They were selling brains for brain transplant at the hospital and so the doctor was explaining to the customer: “This here is a brain of a fellow doctor, he has a lot of experience and knowledge in medicine, it costs 10 million ringgit”‘
At the next brain: “Here we have a brain of a professor, he knows a lot of theories and have seen a lot of the world, it costs 50 million ringgit”.
At the third brain: “This is a brain of a Malay man; it costs 100 million ringgit”.
The customer was startled at the price, “Why” he asked.
Doctor: “Because it can store a lot of things!”
As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my
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