SATURDAY JOKES - 337

 

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?

A: Frostbite!

A young man couldn’t decide which girl to marry. He liked one girl, but he really liked another one named Maria, too. He decided to ask his friend for advice.

“How do you make important decisions?” he asked his friend. “Well, I go to church,” replied his friend. “Then I look up and pray and usually the answer just comes to me.”

The young man decided to try just that. He went to church, looked up to pray, and the answer was written in gold above a stained-glass window.

It said: AVE MARIA!

 

Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?

A: ‘Don’t go over the road till you see the zebra crossing!’

 

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names – a trade name and a generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol is acetaminophen. Aleve is known as naproxen; Amoxil is amoxicillin, and Advil is ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for VIAGRA. After consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix, and of course, ibepokin!

“I have the world’s largest collection of seashells…
You may have seen it.

I keep it scattered on the beaches all over!”

 

The long-term implications of drugs and medical procedures must be fully considered: Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than was spent on Alzheimer’s research.

It is generally believed that by the year 2030, there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who can’t remember what to do with them!

The marriage between the elderly farmer and his young wife was not working out too well, so the farmer consulted his doctor for advice.

“The next time you’re down in the field plowing and feel a yearning for your wife don’t wait until lunchtime or the end of the day, but quit what you’re doing and go to the house,” said the doctor.

“I tried but it didn’t work,” said the farmer.

The doctor thought for a minute, “Take your shotgun with you when you leave the house in the morning and if you feel the urge, shoot the gun and she will come down there where you are.”
A few weeks later the two men met on the street.
“How did it work out?” asked the doctor.
“Fine, the first three days,” said the farmer, “But then the hunting season opened and I haven’t seen her since!”

Hisham passed away. His was provided RM100,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed from the ceremony, his wife, Aishah, turned to her oldest friend.
“Well, I’m sure Hisham would be pleased,” she said.
“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Liza, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
“How much did this really cost?”
“All of it,” said Aishah. “One hundred thousand.”
“No!” Liza exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but RM100,000?”
Aishah answered. “The funeral was RM16,500. I donated RM1,000 to the mosque. The food and drinks were another RM5,500. The rest went for the memorial stone.”
Liza computed quickly. “$77,000 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?”
“One and a half carats!”

 

What is the definition of a secret?

Something you tell to one person at a time!

 

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.
Finally, she tried threats, warning her son that, “If you don’t stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon.”

Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old thought of the lady gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, “Uh-oh … I know what “you’ve” been doing!”

 

Customer: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long?

Waiter: No sir, round!

 

Healthcare costs are rising uncontrollably across the world.

In America, taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them.

In England, they have begun rationing healthcare services and, in some cases, they have waiting lists for services just to reduce costs even more.

In fact, they now have a nine-month waiting list for abortions!

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