THURSDAY JOKES - 325

 

Wild elephant sighted near IKBN Kemasik, Jalan Kemaman, Dungun, Kemasik Terengganu, Malaysia last night.

Two women came before the wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.

“This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said one.
“No! He agreed to marry my daughter,” said the other.
And so, they argued before the King until he called for silence.
“Bring me my biggest sword,” said Solomon, “and I shall cut the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half.

“Sounds good to me,” said the first lady.
But the other woman said, “Oh Sir, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman’s daughter marry him.”
The wise king did not hesitate a moment. “The attorney must marry the first lady’s daughter,” he proclaimed.
“But she was willing to cut him in two!” exclaimed the king’s advisor.

“Indeed,” said wise King Solomon. “That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law!”

 

What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I don’t think I can get hard, I just got laid this morning!

 

Did you hear about the new computer virus?
It’s called the “Lorena Bobbit Virus”.
Apparently, it turns your hard drive into a 3-inch floppy!

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.
“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead his people out of Egypt.
“When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.
“Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all his people were saved.”
“Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.
“Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”

 

A man is in a restaurant where a pianist is playing in a corner.
“Do you play things on request?” calls the man to the pianist.
“Oh yes, sir,” says the pianist.

“Great,” says the man. “Play dominoes!”

 

“How was your golf game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife.
“Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the ball went.”
“Well, you’re 75 years old now, Jack, why don’t you take my brother Scott along?” suggested his wife.
“But he’s 85 and doesn’t even play golf anymore,” protested Jack.
“But he’s got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,” his wife pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
“Do you see it?” asked Jack.
“Yup,” Scott answered.
“Well, where is it?” yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

“I forgot!”

 

Everyone told Sam not to sing…

But Samsung anyway!

 

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So, the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from and requested that the doctor also honour their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, ‘Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.’

‘My darling,’ he replied, ‘I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek!

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Revival of Muafakat Nasional on the cards in N9 state polls after BN ‘leaves out’ 11 seats

 

PORPONENTs of ummah unification must be rejoicing after it was revealed late last night (July 15) that Barisan Nasional (BN) will contest only 25 of the 36 state seats in the Aug 1 Negeri Sembilan (N9) polls.

Fresh from having toppled Pakatan Harapan (PH) – its Madani ally at the Federal level – in the recent Johor state election by a landslide 48-8 victory, political observers expect BN and in particular ‘big brother’ UMNO to further reinforce its “go solo” quest in anticipation of the 16th General Election (GE16).

While UMNO has incessantly denied any form of collaboration with external parties especially PAS in the Johor state polls, the logic is such that the party could be accorded benefit of doubt given Johor is a renowned BN/UMNO traditional stronghold.

But the ballgame in N9 is different as the powerbase is more balanced with the seemingly pro-DAP Chinese population potentially being the kingmakers by virtue of their 21%-23% population size.

Editor’s Note: UMNO would field candidates in 16 constituencies, followed by MCA (seven) and MIC (two), according to the coalition’s deputy chairman Datuk Seri Mohamad Hasan (Tok Mat).

In the previous July 2023 state election, BN and PH had contested as a team under the unity government banner. Back then, UMNO contested 17 seats while the MCA and MIC did not contest the election.

Together, they won 31 of the 36 state seats (UMNO held 14 seats) with the remaining five going to Perikatan Nasional (PN).

On Tuesday (July 14), PH confirmed that it would be contesting all 36 seats in the state polls with PKR vying for 16, DAP (11) and Amanah (nine).

Muafakat Nasional to be revived?

Apparently, the “missing 11 seats” has set tongues wagging from among UMNO grassroots who have expected the country’s oldest political party to contest in all 36 seats, thus once again locking horn with PH to test its rising influence.

This is when gossips sprouted of the seats being reserved for “a soon-to-be-unveiled partner” or even “as a possible return of favour”, hence a strategic ploy to avert splitting of votes by assuring a head-to-head contest against PH.

This is when Malay language  news portal Oh! Media cited an internal UMNO source claiming that Tok Mat was referring to PAS in his assertion that BN/UMNO “won’t make an understanding with Linggi (N9 caretaker Menteri Besar Datuk Seri Aminuddin Harun) but with a trustworthy friend”.

“This is itself a strong hint that the Muafakat Nasional (MN) agenda may be revived,” reported the news portal.

The notion of an open UMNO-PAS collaboration was further reinforced by media consultant/trainer Muhamad Harris Nasril’s source, Angry Bird.

The social media influencer who specialises in AI video/KOL (key opinion leader) build-up penned on his Facebook post:

“You’ll see the announcement tomorrow (today), bro. They’ll work with PAS to avoid a clash,” Angry Bird replied confidently.

“Wow. If it’s one-on-one, even (DAP secretary-general) Anthony Loke’s seat can be shaken” I replied.

“That’s the game. It’s been proven in the Johor state election, right?” Angry Bird asked with a sarcastic smile.”

Alas, finfluencer Syahir (@syahir) wondered “how much longer can the unity government at the Federal level hold on” under such circumstances.

Whatever the case is, Tok Mat who is also the N9 BN chairman said the coalition will have to work hard so that they can wrest the state.

“The blue wave from Johor is here and we should go into battle mode so that we can emerge victorious here,” The Star cited him as saying at last night’s BN line-up unveiling in the presence of UMNO president Datuk Seri Ahmad Zahid Hamidi, BN component party members and Friends of BN.

“So the battle cry is the local saying Hobin Jang Hobin which means we’ve to whack our rivals,” he stressed.

Hobin Jang Hobin is a colloquial term of endearment and also a motivational slogan of the N9 football team which means “Strike, Boy, Strike”. –   Focus Malaysia

Ex-student awarded RM413,000 in school negligence suit

 High Court says the school breached its duty of care after a defective badminton racket broke during a PE lesson, causing a serious eye injury, skull fracture and intracranial bleeding.

Lawyer G Visvanathan Nair explaining the outcome of the suit to Syakir Irfan Syed Ali and his parents, accompanied by lawyer P Swarnamugi (left).

PETALING JAYA:

The High Court in Muar has awarded a former secondary school student close to RM413,000 in damages after finding school authorities liable for injuries he suffered when a defective school badminton racket broke during a physical education class.

Judicial commissioner S Kalyana Kumar held yesterday that the defendants failed to provide adequate, reasonable and effective supervision over students under their care during the Sept 17, 2019 incident at SMK Chaah, Segamat, Johor.

He said the plaintiff proved his case on the balance of probabilities, and the claim was allowed in full.

Syakir Irfan Syed Ali, who sued through his father, named the activity teacher, the school principal, the director-general of education, and the government as defendants.

Facts of the case revealed that after a frisbee activity organised by the teacher, the plaintiff used a school-issued badminton racket for an informal game with a classmate.

The racket’s iron shaft suddenly detached from its handle and struck him, causing a serious injury to his left eye, a skull fracture and intracranial bleeding, leaving him with permanent visual and neurological disabilities.

Syakir, who is currently pursuing a course in risk management at Universiti Sains Islam Malaysia, still walks with the aid of a walking stick.

Kalyana awarded RM400,000 in general damages, RM12,809 in special damages and RM40,000 in costs.

The court also ordered that the judgment sum payable by the government, which was held vicariously liable, include interest.

Lawyers G Visvanathan Nair and P Swarnamugi acted for the plaintiff while federal counsel Izzatul Nawwarah Idrus appeared for the government. - FMT

Court quashes sisters’ 2018 conversion to Islam

 High Court says their late mother disregarded her estranged husband’s rights by registering their daughters as Muslims while they were still legally married.

The Shah Alam High Court allowed a father’s application and quashed the unilateral conversion of his two minor daughters by their mother eight years ago.

SHAH ALAM:

The High Court here has quashed the unilateral conversion of two sisters to Islam by their late mother.

The sisters – identified as X and Y – were converted by their late mother at two locations in Pahang and Selangor in 2018, when they were nine and seven years old respectively.

X is now 17, while Y will turn 15 this year.

At the time, their parents were estranged, and their biological father, identified as L, had left the country to work elsewhere.

The father later discovered that his estranged wife had filed a petition to dissolve their marriage and obtained custody of the sisters.

After the mother’s death in 2023, L found out for the first time that his daughters had been converted to Islam.

He filed a judicial review seeking to quash their conversions, naming the Pahang and Selangor governments, as well as their respective religious departments, as respondents.

Justice S Narkunavathy allowed the father’s application, stating that the court was bound by the Federal Court’s 2018 ruling in the case of M Indira Gandhi, which held that both parents must consent before a child’s religion can be changed.

The 2018 decision was later affirmed in another judicial review brought by a father involving his two children, as well as the case involving Loh Siew Hong’s three children.

“This court is bound by the definitive precedent in Indira Gandhi, wherein the Federal Court removed any remaining ambiguity surrounding Article 12(4) of the Federal Constitution (on the religion of children) and its application,” Narkunavathy said.

“The purposive interpretation of the word ‘parent’ in that provision requires the consent of both parents. This is not merely a linguistic choice but a constitutional safeguard intended to protect the joint rights of both mother and father in the religious upbringing of their child,” she added.

The judge also pointed out that when the late mother registered the sisters as Muslims, she had yet to obtain full custody of them.

“This court finds that by unilaterally converting the children before being granted legal custody, the mother had acted in total disregard of the father’s rights as a joint guardian at the time,” Narkunavathy said.

The court also addressed the Selangor government’s argument that the Bahasa Melayu version of the Federal Constitution was the authoritative text.

The national language version states that either the father or mother may determine a child’s religion and upbringing.

However, Narkunavathy said there had never been any formal gazette notification informing the public that the Bahasa Melayu version was the authoritative text.

“This court finds that the launch ceremony held in 2003 was a symbolic and administrative event. It cannot constitute a formal prescription in the constitutional sense.

“A letter from His Royal Highness (then Yang di-Pertuan Agong Tuanku Syed Sirajuddin Syed Putra Jamalullail) is an expression of intent. While historically significant, it is insufficient to meet the constitutional requirements.

“The letter cannot bypass the legislative and constitutional process required to alter the authoritative language of the supreme law of the land,” she said.

Both state governments have filed appeals against the decision. - FMT