Trouble in paradise

Shanti (not her real name) lives in my kampung. Her husband is a lorry driver and a regular drinker who frequently skips work to be intoxicated. Due to his habit, the couple is often short of money.

A few years ago, Shanti made a decision to find a part-time job. A fellow neighbour offered Shanti some money for a two-hour home cleaning service. Soon, a few other people living around the neighbourhood who had heard about Shanti’s quality of work decided to hire her as well – including my mother.

Every morning, Shanti wakes up early to prepare breakfast and lunch for the family. She then sends the children to school before returning home to attend to her husband. Once he leaves for work, she starts her duties cleaning people’s houses. She usually manages to attend to two houses before she fetches her children from school.

Shanti found being a part-time cleaning lady very convenient as she could schedule her cleaning services around her children’s school schedule.

Charging RM30 for every two-hour session of cleaning homes, Shanti made up to RM1,200 a month. With the additional income, not only could Shanti help her husband with household expenses, but she could also afford to send her children for tuition classes. As a result, her two younger children started improving in their studies.

As more requests for cleaning services came in, Shanti began cleaning houses in the afternoon too. Leaving her two elder children at home and after sending her two younger ones to tuition centres, Shanti continues her work.

Shanti was proud of being able to provide for her family. Her children now wore better school uniforms and she could occasionally feed the children prawns and crabs – meals she never could afford to prepare before.

However, this improvement to their household income made her husband drink a lot more and a lot more regularly. As his earning power reduced, Shanti had to work more, including during the weekends.

One day, Shanti showed up at my mother’s place for her weekly cleaning with bruises on her arms and face. According to Shanti, her drunk husband had hit her when she insisted on going to work and had refused to stay home to accompany him. 

She had tried explaining to him that cancelling appointments would not be good for business but unfortunately, her intoxicated husband wasn’t able to comprehend this and turned violent.

Shanti admitted that her husband has anger management issues and had previously hit her on numerous occasions. However, she insisted that he was a "good" husband and there was no need to make a big deal out of the physical abuse.

“He was just too drunk,” she justified.

A few weeks later, Shanti missed a cleaning appointment with my mother. When she returned a week later, she explained that she got hit again and had to seek medical treatment. However, she refused to report the abuse to the authority, still claiming the father of her children was a "good" person.

“He will get better,” she rationalised.

The best six months

A few months passed and the abuse did not stop. My mother advised her to take action while I gave her contact numbers of NGOs who could help women like her. We tried to make her understand that she wasn’t her husband’s punching bag - instead, she was a woman who deserved better. Besides, it wasn’t healthy for her children to grow up watching the physical abuse.

Sadly, Shanti’s own upbringing made her believe it was a sin to turn against her own husband.

“After all, he has never laid his hands on our children,” she justified.

After all the excuses Shanti had previously made in order to "protect" her husband, the time finally came when she had had enough. With a swollen face, fresh blood marks and a heart full of courage, she went to the police station in our kampung to file a report against her husband. Unfortunately, she was sent back home by those who were supposed to protect her.

“This is a domestic case. We cannot interfere. You should work on solving your problems with your husband,” the police had told her.

A few weeks later, upon being physically abused yet again, Shanti left home with her children. Having nowhere else to go, she rented a small room in town and began working in a factory. Unfortunately, not only was she unable to attend to her children’s needs, but she was also not earning enough to cover their expenses.

Shanti then decided to return to her husband. By then, she was willing to be physically and emotionally tormented as long as she was able to be a good mother to her children.

Just a couple of weeks upon her return, Shanti’s husband started beating her up again. This time around, the neighbours called the police. Her husband was then arrested and imprisoned for six months.

Shanti and her children had the best six months of their lives. Shanti resumed her cleaning services and took better care of the children in the absence of their alcoholic father.

And then one day, six months later, her husband returned home. He blamed Shanti’s earning power as the reason for the break-up of their marriage. He accused Shanti of losing respect for him as a husband following her ability to provide for the family. Somehow, he managed to blame Shanti for all his wrongdoings and made himself appear the helpless victim.

And Shanti being Shanti, forgave him.

“I will be the sole breadwinner for the family. You stay home and take care of me and our children,” he insisted.

Shanti agreed.

Today, Shanti is back to where she was a few years ago. Her husband still drinks and often skips work. They still do not make enough to cover the expenses of their household. Their children no longer attend tuition classes. And recently, Shanti’s two eldest sons began working as labourers to help with household expenses.

There are many women with similar stories like Shanti. Women who are disempowered by their spouses who have trouble watching their partners flourish. All these women are victims. And victims need to be helped. Unfortunately, despite having many organisations in our country championing women's agendas, nothing much is done to empower women like Shanti.

Why is that?

Why are we not seeing any public service announcements (PSA) warning against domestic abuse or promoting women empowerment on our various media?

Why are we not informing the public of the availability of assistance and support for victims of domestic abuse such as free counselling, free legal advice, shelter and crisis centres?

Why are we not publicising the pathways for women like Shanti to seek a better life which they very much deserve?

Had Shanti been exposed to all that, the ending of this story would have been different. 

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FA ABDUL is a passionate storyteller, a media trainer, an aspiring playwright, a director, a struggling producer, a photographer, an expert Facebooker, a lazy blogger, a part-time queen and a full-time vainpot. - Mkini