`


THERE IS NO GOD EXCEPT ALLAH
read:
MALAYSIA Tanah Tumpah Darahku

LOVE MALAYSIA!!!


Thursday, August 1, 2024

THURSDAY JOKES - 223

 

Near Lahad Datu Beach, Sabah, Malaysia

Three guys are trying to sneak into the Olympic Village in Atlanta to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first says, "Let's watch the registration table to see if there's a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in."
Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, "Angus MacPherson. Scotland. Shotput." He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant.
The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is your packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information."
HOT DOG! The first guy grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the limbs and roots, walks up the registration table, and states: "Chuck Wagon. Canada. Javelin."
The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Wagon. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck!"
The second guy grabs a street utility manhole cover, walks up the registration table, and states: "Dusty Rhodes. Australia. Discus."
The attendant says, "Terrific, Mr. Rhodes. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, a full set of passes, and meal tickets. Enjoy yourself."
They scamper in, but suddenly realize the third guy is missing. They groan - OH NO. He is not too bright. They forgot to make sure he doesn't do something stupid and blow their cover stories.
They spot him walking with a roll of barbed wire under his arm. He walks up the registration table and states: "Foster Bean. USA. Fencing.

 

Eliza was surprised to receive ten ringgit from her Aunt for her birthday. The Aunt asked how she was going to spend it.
"I'm taking it to the religious class and will give it to God." the little girl replied. "He'll be just as surprised as I was, at not getting a ringgit like usual."

 

My mother’s sister was bitten by a snake.

I will carefully suck the poison.

That’s the antidote.

 

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the China by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in China, we might as well do as the Chinese do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward him. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
The mother superior is first to open hers. Staring at it for a moment, she leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

 

I bought a plunger the other day. You ever bought a plunger? It's an embarrassing purchase. At first, you think it is no big deal. Stand in the line, swinging it. And then you realize everybody knows; you got a nasty situation at home. Nobody buys a plunger on a whim.

 

This guy goes to Genting and wins really big in the casino. After winning ninety thousand ringgit at the crap table, the casino decides to give the guy a night in the penthouse suite. The guy goes up to the room, opens the big double doors, and steps into a three-room suite. The room is nothing but windows, with a fantastic view of the city. The guy drops his bag containing the money on a chair and stands looking out the windows at the city. He realizes he is all alone and needs someone to share his good fortune with. He calls down to the front desk and tells the clerk to send up one of the best high-priced call girls in the city.
Thirty minutes later there is a knock on the door. The guy opens it and there is the most gorgeous girl he has ever seen. Long black hair, short red dress, and spiked heels. She walks into the room. The guy goes over to the bar and fixes two drinks, he gives one to the hooker and drinks one himself. "Now, down to business," he says, "how much for a hand job?"
The hooker says, "Honey, a hand job is RM 100.00"
"What, that is outrageous.
"Come over here," She says walking toward one of the windows," see that strip mall over there," pointing out the window, "I own the last two stores in the end. I was able to buy those stores with the money I saved from giving hand jobs. I must be pretty damn good.
"All right, screw it, money is no object."
A half-hour after, she is done. The guy is sitting on the couch reveling in ecstasy. He gets up, goes to the bar, and makes two more drinks. He gives one to the hooker and drinks one himself. "That was the best hand job I have ever had. How much for a fun?
"Honey, a fun is RM 1,000.00."
"What, that is outrageous."
"Come over here," She says walking toward another one of the windows, see that hotel and casino over there on the corner," pointing out the window, "I own that, I was able to buy it with the money I saved from giving fun. I must be pretty damn good.
"All right, screw it, money is no object." The guy gives her RM 1,000.00. An hour after she is done, the guy is laying on the couch Head rolled back, eyes rolled up inside his head, a little drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. He gets up, barely able to stand, staggers over to the bar, mixes two more drinks, gives one to the hooker, and drinks one himself.
"My God, that was the best fun I have ever had, I have got to know, How much for the ultimate fun?"
The hooker looks at him and says, " Honey, if I was not a ladyboy, I would own this whole city."

 

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clearly, he heard
'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

 

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backward. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient, and maybe letting us kill some ass-hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, as I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical ass wipe.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
How about recruiting Women over 50 ... in menopause!!! You think Men have attitudes !!! You aren't seen nothing' yet!!! If nothing else put them on border patrol - they will have it secured the first night!

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.


Grassroots dissatisfied with PN’s choice of candidate for Nenggiri, sources say

 

perhimpunan agung bersatu
Many Bersatu members in Kelantan are dissatisfied with the choice of a former PAS member as the PN candidate for next month’s Nenggiri state by-election. (Facebook pic)

PETALING JAYA
Sources are claiming that Bersatu grassroots in Kelantan are unhappy with the party’s decision to field a former PAS member as their candidate in the upcoming Nenggiri state by-election.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a Bersatu source said there were 

mixed feelings and thoughts
 within the party, but said members needed to be 
more realistic
.

We need to admit that Bersatu’s presence in Gua Musang is very minimal, whereas PAS is very influential throughout Kelantan,
 he told FMT.

The source also said it was necessary for Bersatu to field a candidate trusted by PAS to regain the faith and support of both the Islamist party and the locals.


“PAS will return the seat to Bersatu in the next election, so it is important to win this one with an even larger majority.

PAS insisted that it is risky to field a purely Bersatu candidate due to ongoing trust issues,
 said the source, adding that a trust deficit surfaced after ousted incumbent Azizi Abu Naim pledged his support for Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim last November.

On Monday, Perikatan Nasional named Rizwadi Ismail, a former navy officer, as its candidate for the Aug 17 by-election.

Menteri besar Nassuruddin Daud said Rizwadi, a former Gua Musang PAS deputy youth chief, was given 

permission
 to join Bersatu since the Nenggiri seat belongs to the Muhyiddin Yassin-led party.

Meanwhile, another Bersatu source also acknowledged that some members were unhappy with the choice of candidate, but expressed confidence that it would not have any major impact in terms of support.

Everyone will align and work to support the PN candidate,
 the leader said.

Although the final candidate representing PN is a former PAS member, he has been endorsed by both PAS and Bersatu leaders to join Bersatu.

The PN leader, however, said there was no denying that Rizwadi was fielded to avoid a boycott from certain parties within the coalition. - FMT

Why Anwar should listen to Trump – and start stockpiling bitcoin

 

Free Malaysia Today

Donald Trump, the current US presidential frontrunner, made a bold promise last week. If elected, he has vowed to set up a strategic bitcoin stockpile using the around RM69 billion worth of bitcoin that the US government currently owns.

This is directly at odds with the policy of the current administration which periodically auctions off this bitcoin that it has confiscated through years of law enforcement.

Announcing this at the recent bitcoin conference in Nashville, US, Trump and his Republican allies set themselves apart from the Democratic establishment that has been averse to bitcoin and bitcoin companies.

He highlighted an incredible feat: 

In just 15 years, bitcoin has gone from merely an idea posted anonymously on an internet message board to being the ninth most valuable asset anywhere in the world.

In addition, he pledged 

to ensure that the United States will be the crypto capital of the planet and the bitcoin superpower of the world.
 These are strong words from the man who is seen as the favourite to win the upcoming US elections.

Sure, many would be quick to point out that a politician’s promise holds little value as history has demonstrated time and again that most rarely keep their promises. But this time may just be different.

After all, the newly minted crypto super PAC (a political action committee that funds politicians that align with its interests) has already become the largest super PAC of this election cycle – raising around RM941 million and beating out older, more established super PACs that dominated the electoral funding campaigns of the past.

Trump and his ilk would not want to lose access to such a gargantuan pile of cash and draw the ire of the tens of millions of Americans who hold bitcoin and crypto. So even if he doesn’t fulfil all his promises, he’s likely to fulfil many of them.

Right after Trump’s speech, Senator Cynthia Lummis of Wyoming introduced an even more ambitious plan. She’ll be tabling a bill that, if passed, will require the US government to buy 5% of the world’s bitcoin (1 million bitcoin).

She proposes that this purchase be made using the excess reserves of the 12 US federal reserve banks over the next five years. Her rationale is simple: instead of holding the US dollar that debases at anywhere from 3-8% a year, it’s better to hold bitcoin, which appreciates by around 58% a year.

On the back of Republican support for bitcoin and crypto, 30 Democratic politicians urged the current US establishment to take a more forward-looking approach to it by saying: 

From an electoral standpoint, crypto and blockchain technologies have an outsized impact in ensuring victories up and down the ballot.

This is a smart move from these politicians who have correctly identified that bitcoiners are an increasingly influential and wealthy group of single-issue voters that may just swing the election their way.

Democratic congressman Ro Khanna is one such politician, who made a salient argument for embracing bitcoin: 

Being against bitcoin is like being against cell phones. It’s like being against AI. It’s like being against laptops. It’s a technology. Have thoughtful regulation on the technology, but it’s a technology that has appreciated from about $10,000 to $80,000.

Across the world from the US, Hong Kong lawmaker Johnny Ng took a page out of Trump’s playbook and has suggested a similar approach. He said: 

The global acceptance of Bitcoin is constantly increasing. In the future, it is indeed possible to research and consider including Bitcoin in strategic financial reserves, as long as it is compliant.

If Trump is elected, it will be a huge tailwind for bitcoin, which is already trading near its all-time highs.

Anwar and Malaysia have a golden opportunity here. By embracing bitcoin now and instituting it as a reserve asset, they can frontrun the US’s likely purchase of bitcoin.

You can be sure that once the US institutes bitcoin as a reserve asset, it’s just a matter of time before many other nations emulate it. But by then, the gains will diminish as the price soars.

The right time to buy is now, right before most realise that bitcoin is a bonafide nation-state asset.

Since no major nation besides El Salvador has made such a move, Anwar can become a pioneer in the region by buying bitcoin and putting it on Malaysia’s balance sheet.

After all, it’s about time we become trendsetters, rather than trend followers. - FMT

The writer can be contacted at kathirgugan@protonmail.com.

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.

Are we a tiger?

 

rimau

The 

tiger
 has featured rather prominently in the news over the past few days. This is most remarkable especially in the context of the Malayan tiger and its much admired qualities.

The second finance minister has alluded to the positive outlook from rating agencies and analysts, supported by encouraging economic figures, to suggest that Malaysia is making great strides to reclaim its Asian Tiger (fast growing economy) status. This is good news.

Two veteran politicians have come out with differing viewpoints – one claiming that we do not so much have a full-blown Asian Tiger status economy (in the mould of Taiwan, South Korea, Singapore and Hongkong) but are 

a smallish tiger
 nonetheless.

On the other extreme is the contention that Malaysia was never a Tiger and that it is misplaced grandeur. Meanwhile, an economist has viewed Malaysia as second tier; qualified to be described as 

little tiger
.

On a completely different platform, the tiger had also featured in donations to vernacular schools. It has attracted controversy. Political affiliations are being tested on both sides of the divide.

From an economic viewpoint, the finance minister had stated that there is limited fiscal space of about 2-3% to manoeuvre in relation to the operating budget of RM311 billion. Of significance is that 48% is spent on pensions, civil service remuneration and other liabilities.

Given that percentage, is the civil service bloated? As an ageing population, this percentage of the operating budget can only grow larger, narrowing further 

fiscal space
. What is the remediation?

Add to this the much lamented corruption which is reported to cost about RM2 billion. The civil service cohort of the early years which drove the government’s economic agenda has passed on. The auditor-general’s reports continue to highlight repeated malfeasances accentuating the lethargy therein.

Our competitors in the region are making much progress. Indonesia, with its move to relocate its capital, opens many economic opportunities. Cambodia and Vietnam, considered backwater countries in the late 1980s, have gained much ground and are on sharper trajectories.

The hunger of their homogenous populations (to be educated in English and the sciences) and to strive for economic and social betterment are driving the latter two countries.

In the past, Malaysia was a role model of economic success to emulate. For the current generation, a sense of entitlement has bred complacency and the lack of technical skills development is worrisome.

We have lagged behind in investment and entrepreneurship and take the brain drain too lightly. The ecosystem, impaired on many fronts, has to be rekindled and made conducive to retain talent.

Politics has taken much for granted and racial diversity is being negatively exploited for tribal gain. Political stability, a key factor, has taken a dive since 2018 pursuant to perilous 

unity
 coalitions.

There is much to be done if Malaysia is to re-establish itself as a powerhouse to be contended with. Analyst ratings are, like accounting records, a point in time reflection. While the economy may be fundamentally 

on-track
, political posturing is the demon to push it off the rails!

Innovative ideas have to be sought out and pursued. The civil service has to step up, be more stakeholder centric, proactive and eradicate corruption from within the ranks. Arguing about being a matured tiger or little tiger cub is unproductive. - FMT

Walter Sandosam served as a senior research fellow at a private university, specialising in economics and accounting.

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.