THURSDAY JOKES - 303

 

Jogging Park, Bukit Jalil, Selangor, Malaysia

A young boy is pulling his wagon up a hill when one of the back wheels falls off and rolls down the hill. The young boy says, “I’ll be damned.”

A local pastor heard him and said, “You should not say that. Next time your wheel falls off, say ‘Praise the Lord.'”

So the next day the young boy is pulling his wagon up the hill and the wheel falls off and rolls down the hill.

The young boy says, “Praise the Lord.”

The wheel stops rolling, turns around, rolls back up the hill, and puts itself back on the wagon.

The young boy being very surprised by this exclaims, “I’ll be damned!”

 

A family is at the dinner table.

The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round, and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”

“Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter.

The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”

The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

 

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?”

Johnny says, “None.” The teacher asks, “Why?” Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.”

The teacher says, “No, two, but I like how you’re thinking.”

Johnny asks the teacher, “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?”

The teacher says, “The one sucking her ice cream.”

Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!”

 

Q: What did one penny say to the other penny?
A: Let’s get together and make some cents!

Q: Why did the fish cross the sea?
A: To get to the other tide.

Q: What do tree’s drink

A: Root beer.

 

Santa, standing on a railway platform, suddenly runs and stands on the tracks.
Banta: “Santa, move out of the way! The train is arriving!”
Santa: “Haven’t you heard the announcement that the train is arriving on the platform?”

 

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better.

Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!”

The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying.

A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face.

She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

 

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned RM 20 by climbing a tree.

Her mom responded, “Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!”

Maria replied, “See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!”

 

There were three men in the desert.

They all wanted something to cool them down.

One brought a pail of water. The second brought an umbrella. The third took out a car door.

The other two said, “Why do you have a car door?”

The person said, “So we could roll the windows down when we get hot!”

 

A woman walks into a cafe with a stomach ache.

After a while she realizes she needs to relieve herself, knowing her farts are loud, she decides to fart simultaneously with the cafe music. Every time the music gets really loud she let out a long fart.

She saw that everyone in the cafe was staring at her and later realized that she was wearing headsets the whole time…

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my

Topik politik moden di sekolah perlu ditangani berhati-hati, kata ahli akademik

 Effendi @ Ewan Matore dari UKM gesa peristiwa dimasukkan dalam silibus mata pelajaran sejarah perlu dibingkaikan sebaiknya.

Effendi @ Ewan Matore berpandangan pendekatan lebih sesuai dalam pengenalan kurikulum 2027 ialah dengan menekankan pembinaan karakter bangsa. (Gambar Bernama)

PETALING JAYA:

 Cadangan topik ‘politik moden’ dalam silibus mata pelajaran sejarah perlu ditangani secara berhati-hati bagi mengelakkan unsur propaganda dan kecenderungan politik, kata ahli akademik.

Effendi @ Ewan Matore dari Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) berkata, keperluan memasukkan peristiwa untuk diceritakan kepada murid bergantung bagaimana bentuk penulisan dan dibingkaikan dalam kandungan kurikulum.

Katanya, jika penulisan itu tidak dikendalikan dengan berhati-hati maka ia boleh dilihat sebagai alat propaganda politik oleh pihak berkuasa atau bersifat berat sebelah.

“Memandangkan tokoh-tokoh utama dalam peristiwa dinyatakan masih aktif dalam politik hari, saya berpandangan penulisan sejarah itu mungkin dianggap terlalu awal untuk mencapai konsensus sejarah yang neutral.

“Selain itu, ada kemungkinan membawa isu politik yang masih panas ke bilik darjah boleh mencetuskan kegelisahan dalam kalangan murid atau tekanan kepada guru dalam pengajaran serta pembelajaran,” katanya kepada FMT.

Effendi mengulas cadangan Ahli Parlimen Hulu Langat Sany Hamzan supaya topik ‘politik moden’ merangkumi peristiwa penting seperti pemecatan Anwar Ibrahim sebagai timbalan perdana menteri dan menteri kewangan pada 1998 sehingga munculnya gerakan reformasi dimasukkan dalam silibus mata pelajaran sejarah.

Wakil rakyat Pakatan Harapan itu dalam perbahasan di Dewan Rakyat, semalam, berkata selain sejarah berkaitan kemerdekaan negara, politik moden juga perlu didedahkan kepada generasi baharu.

Effendi berpandangan, pendekatan lebih sesuai dalam pengenalan kurikulum 2027 ialah dengan menekankan pembinaan karakter bangsa serta pengukuhan literasi sivik dalam kalangan murid.

Selain itu, pelajar boleh diajar berhubung sistem demokrasi berparlimen dan bagaimana krisis politik diselesaikan melalui perlembagaan.

“Ini boleh membantu murid memahami struktur dengan lebih jelas,” katanya.

Presiden Majlis Permuafakatan Persatuan Ibu Bapa dan Guru Nasional, Mohamad Ali Hasan, pula berkata sebarang peristiwa politik yang ingin dimasukkan ke dalam kurikulum perlu dilihat daripada sudut iktibar dan manfaat kepada warganegara, bukan tertumpu kepada individu tertentu semata-mata.

Katanya, ia juga perlu dinilai secara teliti oleh panel pakar yang dihormati dan berwibawa.

“Sebenarnya kita mesti lihat apa iktibar yang baik dan untuk manfaat warganegara.

“Saya kira bukan sahaja (sejarah) Anwar, tetapi semua yang berkaitan ahli politik dan sebagainya yang boleh jadi iktibar perlu dimasukkan dalam sejarah,” katanya. - FMT

Vet council’s silence ‘unacceptable’, animal rights group mulls legal action

 Lawyers for Animal Rights says the council has yet to clarify whether disciplinary action has been taken against a veterinarian charged with animal neglect.

The Malaysian Veterinary Council, as a statutory regulator, has a legal duty to act in the public interest, says an animal rights group. (Envato Elements pic)

PETALING JAYA:

 An animal rights group is mulling legal action against the Malaysian Veterinary Council over its failure to clarify whether disciplinary action has been taken against a veterinarian charged in court with animal neglect.

Lawyers for Animal Rights said the allegations against Dr Fadzilah A’ini A Kadir involved “serious breaches” of animal welfare, with nearly 2,000 public complaints, and criminal charges under the Animal Welfare Act 2015.

The MVC, as a statutory regulator, had a clear legal duty to act in the public interest—independently of criminal proceedings, it said.

The group’s lawyers, Rajesh Nagarajan and Sachpreetraj Singh Sohanpal, said they had sent a formal legal enquiry to the MVC on Jan 22, seeking confirmation whether disciplinary proceedings had commenced or if the practitioner remained licensed.

They also sought to confirm if interim protective measures have been put in place.

According to the group, the Veterinary Surgeons Act 1974 empowers the MVC to hold inquiries into professional misconduct and to suspend or remove a veterinary surgeon’s name from its register.

They also said a response from MVC was vital as there had been significant public concern regarding veterinary professional standards and animal welfare protection in Malaysia.

The group lamented that it had yet to receive any response, adding that the council’s “silence is unacceptable”.

“Regulatory silence in the face of grave animal welfare allegations erodes public trust, undermines professional accountability, and signals institutional indifference.

“If this failure persists, legal action to compel regulatory accountability will be inevitable,” the group told FMT.

Meanwhile, Rajesh said the council could still take disciplinary action against Fadzilah despite her court case, as they were two separate issues.

On Dec 31, Fadzilah claimed trial after she was charged at the sessions court with abandoning a cat and a dog in her care and causing their deaths at the premises in December.

The charge, under Section 29(1)(e) of the Animal Welfare Act 2015, carries a fine of not less than RM20,000 and not more than RM100,000, or imprisonment for up to three years, or both, upon conviction. - FMT

More evacuated in Sipitang amid heavy rain

 A total of 195 people from 93 families are currently taking shelter at relief centres.

Heavy rain since Tuesday evening caused the water level of Sungai Mengalong to rise, leading to flooding in nearby villages. (Facebook pic)

KOTA KINABALU:

 The number of flood evacuees at two relief centres (PPS) in Sipitang rose to 195 people from 93 families this morning, from 91 people from 43 families recorded yesterday.

The Sabah state disaster management committee secretariat said in a statement that the victims were the residents of 14 villages in Sipitang affected by the floods.

“The PPS at Dewan Sekolah Kebangsaan Padang Berempah is sheltering 93 people from 45 families, while Dewan Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Padang Berempah is accommodating 102 people from 48 families,” it said.

Heavy rain since Tuesday evening had caused the water level of Sungai Mengalong to rise, leading to flooding in nearby villages. - FMT

Has Google AI lied when it claims pig farming is more environmental-friendly than beef rearing?

 

PROMPTED by the intriguing exchanges between the “no pork, no power” gang and the anti-swine farming fraternity following Sultan Sharafuddin Idris Shah’s big NO to pig farming in Selangor, FocusM has turned to Google AI to verify if indeed rearing hogs is detrimental to men’s surrounding.

Recall that the Selangor ruler does not consent to pig farming being carried out in any district in the state, citing environmental concerns, limited land resources and the need to protect public well-being. Export.

As a solution, His Highness suggested that the state government issue licences for the importation of pork to meet the demand and needs of non-Muslims, particularly the Chinese community, in Selangor.

Shockingly, ‘jury’ Google AI contended that “cow farming pollutes the environment significantly more than pig farming across major metrics like greenhouse gas emissions, land use and water consumption”

To the question “who pollute the environment more between pig and cow farming”, Google AI further remarked that while pigs have a reputation for being “dirty”, scientific data consistently ranks beef as having the highest environmental footprint of all common proteins.

“Beef production emits approximately 11 times more greenhouse gases than pork,” stated the overarching research and development division within Google dedicated to advancing artificial intelligence technologies.

This is primarily because cows are ruminants; their unique digestive system produces massive amounts of methane through belching (enteric fermentation).”

“Raising cattle is highly resource-intensive, requiring roughly 20 times more land than pig farming per gram of protein … Beef production typically requires significantly more water – some estimates suggest up to 75% more than pork.

In all fairness, both industries contribute to water pollution through manure run-off which can cause eutrophication (algal blooms that kill aquatic life).

“While pig farms often utilise concentrated “slurry lagoons” that pose high local risks, cow farms are the primary source of ammonia emissions and significant bacterial contamination in groundwater,” claimed Google AI.

To the question “which is more environmentally friendly between pig and cow farming”, Google AI again remarked that pig farming is generally more environmentally friendly than cow (beef) farming on grounds that the former produces significantly lower greenhouse gas emissions, requiring less land and using less water per gram of protein.

But this comes with a caveat that although beef produces roughly five times more heat-trapping gases per calorie compared to pork, “industrial pig farming poses significant, localised pollution risks through waste while cows contribute higher methane emissions”.

To alleged foul smell complaints of residents who live close-by to pig farms, Google AI attributed this to the high volume of waste (urine and faeces) that produces ammonia.

However, it again caveated that the severity depends largely on the farm management with intense, poorly managed operations often emitting strong odour issues but “with proper ventilation, frequent cleaning and in some cases, deep bedding, the odour can be significantly reduced”.

Beef farming is not spared either for it, too, can produce significant, strong odours, particularly in concentrated animal feeding operations (AFOs) which is
“often described as smelling like manure or rotten eggs due to hydrogen sulphide”.

“Odour levels depend on factors like herd size, manure management and diet. While often unpleasant, these odours are a normal part of livestock farming,” added Google AI. – Focus Malaysia