TUESDAY JOKES - 314

 

Kuala Kertih, Chukai, Terengganu, Malaysia

Sit for 10 mins with an alcoholic - you will feel life is very stress free.

Sit for 10 mins with a priest, monk, sadhus & sanyasis - you will feel like gifting away everything to charity.

Sit for 10 mins with a politician - you will feel all your studies are useless.

Sit for 10 mins with a life insurance agent - you will feel that it is better to die.

Sit for 10 mins with traders - you will feel your earnings are too meagre.

Sit for 10 mins with scientists - you will feel the enormity of your ignorance.

Sit for 10 mins with good teachers - you will feel like wanting to become a student again.

Sit for 10 mins with a farmer or a worker - you will feel you are not working hard enough.

Sit for 10 mins with a soldier - you will feel your services & sacrifices are insignificant.

Sit for 10 mins with a good friend - you will feel your life is heaven! ☺️❤️

 

The girl knelt at the confession and said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”
“What is it, child?”
“Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.”
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, “My dear, I have good news. That isn’t a sin – it’s only a mistake.”

 

My grandfather has the heart of a lion…
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

 

What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Ghoulash!

 

How do undertakers speak?
Gravely!

 

What happened if you upset a cannibal?
You get into hot water!

 

What do vampires think of blood transfusions?
New-fangled rubbish!

 

You’ll never see a million-hair putting everything into a shavings account.

Instead he makes bald decisions, even if they are pure follicle.

 

McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. “It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes,” she explains.
When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. “Miss,” he said,
“I’m meeting’ my wife right away. How do I get the gum out of my ears?”

 

Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk.
Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, “I stopped it!”
“I know, you idiot!” said the man. “I was pushing it!”

 

At a recent convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarked to another, “Did you know that we have switched from rats to lawyers for experiments in our laboratory?”
“Really?” replied the other researcher. “Why the switch?”
“There were a number of reasons,” the first researcher explained. “First, our laboratory assistants don’t become so attached to them. Second, lawyers breed much quicker, making them far more plentiful. Third, animal rights groups have no objection to their torture and fourth, there are some things even a rat won’t do.”

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Jalaluddin slammed for eyeing MB post after NS state gov’t collapses, living up to UMNO’s DNA

 

DETRACTORS have accused Negeri Sembilan (NS) UMNO chairman Datuk Seri Jalaluddin Alias of being power crazy to the extent of willing to betray the spirit of the unity alliance with Pakatan Harapan (PH) merely to form yet another backdoor government reminiscent of Sheraton Move during the COVID-19 era.

The Jelebu MP who is also the Pertang state assemblyman was also reminded how most of UMNO’s 14 state representatives had won the 2023 state poll by “slim margins” thanks to the PH election machinery given UMNO has virtually been rejected by NS folks.

Such was the reaction that flooded Jalaluddin’s Facebook page after he unveiled in a media statement that the state UMNO “has already obtained a simple majority to form the next NS state government”.

This follows the party having secured the support of five Perikatan Nasional (PN) state assemblymen to obtain the minimum 19 seats in the 36-seat NS state assembly (PH has only 17 seats).

Editor’s Note: UMNO president Datuk Ahmad Zahid Hamidi has taken a cautious approach to the NS political crisis by stating that the decision by 14 BN assemblymen to withdraw support of the MB was made by the state chapter independently with the central leadership made aware of the move “in a very short period”.

The Barisan Nasional (BN) chairman then accused Perikatan Nasional (PN) of trying to capitalise on the crisis by offering to form a new government with BN, calling it an attempt to “seize this opportunity” although critics ridiculed him for feigning ignorance.

Above all else, the Deputy Prime Minister (DPM) stressed that he will meet with PMX Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim to discuss the situation and its impact on the Federal “unity government”.

Meanwhile, PMX has kept mun on the matter by merely stating that an announcement would come in due course while Menteri Besar (MB) Datuk Seri Aminuddin Harun in a media conference has pledged to stay on as MB of a “minority state government” as per the decree of NS Yang di-Pertuan Besar Tuanku Muhriz Tuanku Munawir.

Jalaluddin who is also a senior state EXCO was also lambasted for leveraging the lame excuse of “supporting the adat (customs)”, notably upholding the Adat Perpatih by respecting the traditional power of the Undang Yang Empat (four territorial chieftains) in electing and overseeing the Yang di-Pertuan Besar.

This is effectively taking advantage of MB Aminuddin’s embroilment in the adat dispute whereby he contended that the action by Undang Datuk Mubarak Dohak in signing and reading a declaration to remove the NS ruler Tuanku Muhriz Tuanku Munawir is not recognised and cannot be accepted.

Aminuddin who is also the PKR vice-president claimed that the declaration has no legal or customary standing because Mubarak no longer holds any authority or position as Undang Luak Sungai Ujong and that the act itself is also inconsistent with Articles 10 to 12 of the NS Constitution (UUTKNS) 1959. 

As some pro-Madani commenters put it, Jalaluddin who is currently holding two ECXO portfolios – Rural Development, Plantations and Commodities as well as Agriculture, Food Security and Cost of Living – is himself “eyeing the MB post”.

One pressing question now is “where can the swearing-in ceremony be held after having craved for the MB post” given the NS ruler is siding MB Aminuddin in the unfolding political crisis.

As one presumably ex-PKR member aptly summed up, the “opportunistic backstabbing in NS wouldn’t have happened unless that opportunity gets the green light from the top (UMNO) leadership”.

“I don’t blame UMNO. That’s their DNA from way back,” jibed Amer Hamzah (@amer7211) who is a backer of former PKR deputy president Datuk Seri Rafizi Ramli. 

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“The fools are the ones who blindly hand over trust to them. Even parading the ‘best strategist’ (in reference to Zahid) just to make UMNO feel good. You’re done for! ” –  Focus Malaysia