A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay, Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”
She immediately replies, “The one in the middle.”
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”
“I don’t like her!”
I’m trying to finish writing a script for an adult film…
But there are just too many holes in the plot!
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car.
However, before the police investigation could get under way the phone rang a second time, with the same voice coming over the line.
“Never mind,” said the drunk with a hiccup, “I got in the backseat by mistake!”
An elderly, wealthy woman in Penang was boring fellow beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two remarkable grandchildren.
Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted her.
“Tell me, how old are your grandsons?”
The grandmother gave a grateful smile and replied, “The doctor is four and the lawyer is six…”
A man finished baby-proofing his house and his wife says, “Aw, honey, I thought you said you didn’t want to have kids?”
He responds, “I don’t. Let’s see them get in now!”
A preacher, newly called to a small country town, needed to mail a letter. Passing a young boy on the street, the pastor asked where he could find the post office. After getting his answer, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to get to heaven.
”I don’t know, sir,” the boy replied. “You don’t even know how to get to the post office!”
What did Genie say to Aladdin?
Rub me three times and I will come!
There was a poor old Irish cobbler whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant.
Every day at lunch time, Mike, an Irish gent, would go out to the back of his shop and eat his soda bread and maybe a kipper or piece of Irish blue cheese while smelling the wonderful odour coming from the restaurant’s kitchen.
One morning, the Irishman was surprised to receive an invoice in the mail from the adjoining restaurant for “enjoyment of food”.
Mystified, he marched right over to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought a thing from them.
The manager said, “You’re enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it.” The Irishman refused to pay and the restaurant took him to court.
At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, “Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it.”
The judge turned to Mike and said, “What do you have to say to that?”
The old Irishman didn’t say a thing but smiled and stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.
The judge asked him, “What is the meaning of that?”
The Irishman replied with a mile wide grin – “I’m paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money!”
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