SATURDAY JOKES - 339

 

Waterfalls at Kota Belud, Sabah, Malaysia

What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?

Women!

 

Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women.

Sure, maybe there wouldn’t be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone.

But instead, we’d have a bunch of jealous countries that aren’t talking to each other!

 

A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars and then he’d tell him the answer.

The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money, sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!”

He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell Ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!”

Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell, yes, I would. I’d be rich!”

When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer!”

Q: What are a blonde’s first words after graduating college?

A: “Would you like fries with that?”

 

Teacher: Will any idiot in the room stand up please?
(a student stands up)

Teacher: Why do you think you are an idiot?

Student: Actually, I am not but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!

 

Q: Why did the girl wear glasses in the mathematics class?

A: It improves di-vision.

 

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes, the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, four minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone!”

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If total public ban happens, Malaysia shall emerge only 3rd nation in the world to block Waze after Iran, Iraq

 

Editor’s Note: AI (artificial intelligence) inputs have contributed to much of the background content in this article.

AS anti-Zionist Malaysians diligently rushed to delete Waze from their smart telco devices – while civil servants reluctantly do so fearing disciplinary action – Malaysia will emerge as only the third country in the world to have banned the navigation/live traffic app.

It joins Iran which was the first nation to have previously blocked and restricted access to the app and Iraq which has announced a complete ban scheduled to take effect in 2027 (with potential implementation moved up to late 2026).

The primary reasons cited by these countries are concerns over data security, national sovereignty and the app’s corporate origins and legal status in Israel.

But aside from these concerns, the three countries share some glaring common traits – they are Muslim nations with strong political stance in support of Palestinian rights and regional self-determination in the Middle East.

While it is understandable if both Iran and Iraq ban Waze on national security ground in view of the duo’s proximity to Israel – the protagonist of their ban – with Iran at direct war with the Zionist regime, one wonders how does such security risks pose a threat to Malaysia which is located some 7,700km away.

More so, if Israeli origins and data jurisdiction have been the most cited reasons for Malaysia banning its civil servants from accessing Waze with effect from Wednesday (Oct 21) with total public ban under review as per Prime Minister Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim’s revelation yesterday (Oct 24), by the same logic, the entire Middle East should have emulated the Iran-Iraq footsteps en masse.

Editor’s Note: A spokesperson for Waze has denied Putrajaya’s claims that Waze collects sensitive government data or allows exploitation as “completely false”.

The platform maintains that it adheres to strict international privacy policies and global data protection standards.

While Google acquired Waze in 2013, it has often been argued that the tech giant’s subsidiary Waze Mobile Ltd remains incorporated in Israel and operates under Israeli legal and data controller frameworks.

Of interest is Saudi Arabia which is deemed the geographic region where Islam originated or even Turkey – often dubbed the most secular Muslim Muslim-majority nation – which is formally considered a strategic rival and adversary by Israeli officials though neither country has officially declared war or severed diplomatic relations.

Or even neighbouring Indonesia which boasts having the largest Muslim population in the world is ranked as one of the top countries globally for Waze traffic and user numbers (one of the top traffic countries with over 1 million monthly organic site/app visits and millions of active drivers).

Likewise, Waze provides full functionality and is a popular choice for Saudi drivers across major urban centres including Riyadh and Jeddah as well as major highway routes.

Little wonder, sometimes former de facto law minister Datuk Zaid Ibrahin talked sense when he took a swipe at the Madani government for its over-zealousness to block Waze in Malaysia.

“Why the rush to ban WAZE? Please don’t tell me it’s a security threat because Israel would have all the data,” the newly minted PAS member (having leapfrogged from UMNO) jibed in a Facebook post.

“If that’s true, we should immediately ban the World Bank, the IMF (International Monetary Fund) and every giant computer company, AI company and gadget from the US. Israel owns the US; the US Congress. PMX should know this.”

Or as pointed out by finfluencer Bitcoin Malaya (@bitcoinmalaya_) on Threads, why is the Madani government so eagerly opting for TuJu as a Waze replacement option when there are not only embarrassing technical shortcomings in the app but also the financially unsound position of its co-developer Prosignal Consortium Sdn Bhd.

According to their latest SSM filing:

• Revenue: RM0
• Loss after tax: -RM627,346
• Share capital: RM2,000,000
• Accumulated losses: -RM919,972
• Net asset value: ~RM1.08 mil

To be fair, having RM0 revenue and a RM627K operating loss isn’t unusual for an early-stage software company.

The problem isn’t that TuJu exists, it is the expectation that it can replace Waze. 

 - Focus Malaysia

Sukar bukti kes bukan alasan tiada akta jerebu, kata pakar

 Kerajaan digesa gubal undang-undang khusus dan perkukuh kerjasama dengan Indonesia bagi mengenal pasti pihak bertanggungjawab.

Malaysia sebelum ini pernah mempertimbangkan undang-undang khusus bagi menangani jerebu rentas sempadan namun ia tidak diteruskan pada 2020.

PETALING JAYA:

Kesukaran membuktikan pihak bertanggungjawab terhadap kebakaran di luar negara tidak sepatutnya menghalang Malaysia daripada menggubal undang-undang khusus bagi menangani jerebu rentas sempadan, kata pakar.

Pensyarah Jabatan Kejuruteraan Air dan Alam Sekitar Universiti Teknologi Malaysia, Mohd Fadhil Md Din, berkata akta baharu atau pindaan menyeluruh kepada Akta Kualiti Alam Sekeliling 1974 perlu dipertimbangkan bagi mengatasi jurang penguatkuasaan.

Mohd Fadhil Md Din.

“Kita memerlukan rantaian bukti yang menghubungkan kebakaran, pihak bertanggungjawab, pergerakan asap dan pencemaran di Malaysia,” katanya kepada FMT.

Katanya, titik panas yang dikesan melalui satelit hanya petunjuk awal dan tidak mencukupi untuk membuktikan siapa yang melakukan pembakaran.

“Sebaliknya, data itu perlu disokong maklumat pemilikan tanah, aktiviti di lokasi kebakaran dan analisis pergerakan asap,” katanya.

Pakar undang-undang antarabangsa, Salawati Mat Basir, turut menyokong keperluan akta khusus kerana undang-undang sedia ada terhad kepada pembakaran terbuka dalam Malaysia.

Salawati Mat Basir.

“Akta Kualiti Alam Sekeliling 1974 hanya efektif untuk pembakaran terbuka yang berlaku dalam sempadan Malaysia,” katanya daripada Fakulti Undang-undang Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia.

Salawati berkata, siasatan perlu mengenal pasti pemilik dan pengendali kawasan kebakaran, termasuk kemungkinan penglibatan syarikat Malaysia melalui anak syarikat atau rantaian bekalan di luar negara.

“Kita perlu kenal pasti sama ada syarikat tempatan mempunyai rantaian bekalan atau anak syarikat di sana, supaya kita dapat mengenal pasti siapa yang berada di belakangnya,” katanya.

Fadhil berkata, Malaysia juga perlu memperkukuh kerjasama dengan Indonesia untuk mendapatkan maklumat pemilikan tanah, pengendali kawasan dan rekod kebakaran, kerana pihak berkuasa Malaysia tidak boleh menjalankan penguatkuasaan secara unilateral di negara lain.

Kedua-dua pakar mengulas kenyataan Timbalan Menteri Sumber Asli dan Kelestarian Alam, Syed Ibrahim Syed Noh, kekurangan bukti untuk mengenal pasti punca pencemaran dan pihak bertanggungjawab menjadi cabaran utama Malaysia dalam menggubal akta khusus jerebu rentas sempadan.

Beliau berkata, maklumat seperti koordinat kebakaran, pemilikan tanah dan pihak yang menjalankan aktiviti di kawasan terlibat perlu dikenal pasti, termasuk bukti mengaitkan kebakaran itu dengan jerebu di Malaysia.

Bagaimanapun, katanya Malaysia akan meneruskan kerjasama diplomatik dengan Indonesia serta usaha melalui Perjanjian Asean Mengenai Pencemaran Jerebu Rentas Sempadan.

Malaysia sebelum ini pernah mempertimbangkan undang-undang khusus bagi menangani jerebu rentas sempadan, namun cadangan itu tidak diteruskan pada 2020 selepas kerajaan ketika itu mengambil kira kebolehlaksanaan penguatkuasaan, hubungan diplomatik serta kesukaran mendapatkan bukti daripada negara lain.

Pada 2023, kerajaan sekali lagi memutuskan untuk tidak membentangkan rang undang-undang berkenaan selepas mengambil kira pandangan Jabatan Peguam Negara dan pakar undang-undang mengenai kesukaran mendakwa kesalahan yang berlaku merentasi sempadan.

Kerajaan kemudian menjelaskan ia tidak menutup sepenuhnya kemungkinan memperkenalkan undang-undang sedemikian. - FMT