SUNDAY JOKES - 339

 

Pantai Hiburan Kuala Rompin, Rompin, Pahang, Malaysia

What did the elephant ask the naked man?

“How do you breathe out of that thing?”

 

My wife claims I’m a baseball fanatic.

She says all I ever read about is baseball.

All I ever talk about is baseball.

All I ever think about is baseball.

I told her she’s way off base!

How is life like being a toilet paper?
You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone!

 

A Malaysian gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. “I’ll have a pound of that salmon,” he said.
“That’s not salmon,” the clerk said. “It’s wagyu.”

“Mister,” the customer snapped, “in case nobody ever told you, you got a big mouth!

 

What is six inches long, two inches wide, and makes everyone go crazy?

A US$100 bill!

 

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.’”
The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it very, very slowly!”

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down the Main Street.
“But officer.” the man began, “I can explain”.
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back…”
“But officer, I just wanted to say….”
“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom!”

 

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from!

 

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved myself today.

Do you know what that means?” the boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again!”

 

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?

A glad-he-ate-her!

 

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, “The parrot to the left costs 500 ringgit.”
“Why does that parrot cost so much?” the man wondered.
The owner replied, “Well, it knows how to use a computer.”
The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.
“That one costs 1,000 ringgit because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.” Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.
“That one costs 2,000 ringgit.”
“And what does that one do?” the man asked.
The owner replied, “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!”

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Iconic Mydin grilled for ‘hesitation’ to honour RM2.5K min wages for grads, undermining workers’ welfare

 

COMPARED to neighbourhood convenience chain Speedmart 99, it’s a rarity to hear MYDIN – the epitome of Malaysian Muslim consumerism – gettibg ridiculed on cyberspace on matters related to ‘employers’ thriftiness’ so to speak.

But the lukewarm reaction by managing director Datuk Wira Ameer Ali Mydin towards Budget 2027’s proposal to fix the minimum wage for graduates at RM2,500 seems to have opened the proverbial floodgate to perhaps a wider issue of working conditions and staff welfare.

For starters, his justification that setting salaries based solely on academic qualifications risks causing problems when new graduates receive salaries equal to or higher than existing employees with experience in certain positions does look sensible.

“If employees who’re receiving a RM2,300 salary already feel comfortable, then existing employees could raise questions if fresh graduates come in and receive the same salary,” he said in a special interview on the Fokus Minggu Depan programme with Astro AWANI.

“Employers ultimately need to consider salary adjustments across the board, not just for employees involved with the minimum wage rate.”

The Malaysian halal hypermarket and retail chain head honcho also pointed to skill mismatch by stressing that he believes that the difficulty graduates face in finding jobs despite having academic qualifications shows the need to align workforce skills with market demand.

This statement somehow led Threader @ kiwiflavouredcat to take a swipe at Mydin in that “only those who have worked for 15 years are eligible for the RM2,500 salary” with little hope of even getting annual bonuses.

“Actually, I’ve no intention to bring down MYDIN. But please treat your staff with dignity. Not just based on salary (since some say that higher salary equals a spike in living cost),” justified the cat lover in a seeming constrictive criticism which elicited 14.6K likes, 1.2K comments, 2.4K re-posts and 1K shares at the time of writing.

“But please look into the areas of staff welfare, benefit and company’s work culture & environment. Read the reviews from your former staff, then reflect.”

Employer’s thrift

This is when ex-staff came to the fore to share their working experience at MYDIN with one groused that employees during his time were made to “wear watch, belt etc sold at MYDIN (or bearing its brand)” with the poster jibing if “the boss himself, too, wears a MYDIN belt”.”

“Is it true that people say even the T-shirt uniform will be deducted from staff’s salary?” wondered one commenter with the ex-staff explaining that employees “have to place a deposit which will be refunded upon resignation”.

Seconding the poster’s statement, another ex-staff at MYDIN’s headquarters recounted “new employees coming in and out just to gain experience”.

“They’re unable to stay for long given there’s no bonus, no increment or whatever fringe benefit. They cut [Sic] as much as they can,” she claimed while rating MYDN’s marketing as “indeed A++”.

Others who are presumably regular shoppers took a pot shot at the retail chain for “banging on foreign workforce who won’t argue on salary matters” as a means to reduce operational cost.

“Most MYDIN employees are indeed foreigners compared to Lotus’s many of whom are local workers,” observed one commenter with another remarking that “even a Thai-owned establishment still prioritises local workers over their Malaysian counterpart”.

In fact, what can be deemed as unfair human resources practices were also brought up by some ex-staff who claimed “allowance will be deducted if one takes MC ” on top of no salary increments and annual bonus.

Likewise, the tendency of assigning staff to do last minute chores so close to their clock out but reluctant to pay overtime wages.

Even poor facilities such as no refurbishment to “surau with mold” and dilapidated toilets were also exposed by ex-staff.

At the end of the day, whether it is MYDIN or Speedmart 99, both retail chains have their own set of challenges to manage their workforce without over-compromising on their welfare and well-being in their quest to mitigate escalating operational cost. 

 - Focus Malaysia