Kinabalu Park, Sabah, Malaysia
Two tigers are walking through the jungle when the one at the back licks the behind of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says: “Hey, cut it out.” The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way. Five minutes later the rear tiger licks the other’s backside again. The front tiger gets angry, but the other tiger just apologizes.
After another five minutes, he does it again. The front tiger turns and says: “What is it with you? I told you to stop.” The other tiger says: “I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I’m just trying to get the taste out of my mouth!”
A young boy had just obtained his driver’s licence and enquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we’ll talk about the car.”
Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks they went in to the study, where his father said, “Son, I’ve been really proud. You’ve brought your grades up, and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study groups. But, I’m really disappointed, since you haven’t cropped your hair.”
The young man paused a moment, and then said, “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there’s even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair also.”
To this his father replied, “Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?”
A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot.
The genius says, “Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don’t know the answer, you have to give me 5 ringgit. And if you ask me a question and I can’t answer yours I will give you 5,000 ringgit.”
The idiot says, “Okay.”
The genius then asks, “How many continents are there in the world?” The idiot doesn’t know and hands over the 5 ringgit.
The idiot says, “Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?”
The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the 5,000 ringgit.
The genius says, “Hang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?”
The idiot hands over 5 ringgit!
After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform in bed anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.
Finally, the doctor says to him, “This is all in your mind”, and refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, “I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured.”
Finally, the psychiatrist refers him to witch doctor.
The witch doctor tells, “I can cure this”, and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
The witch doctor says, “This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say ‘123’ and it shall rise for as long as you wish!”
The guy then asks the witch doctor, “What happens when it’s over?”
The witch doctor says, “All you have to say is ‘1234’ and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!”
The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says “123”, and suddenly he gets a massive erection.
His wife turns over and says, “What did you say ‘123’ for?”
A guy is horny as hell – but broke. He goes to a whorehouse with RM 50 and begs the Madam to give him whatever she can for it.
She says “I’m sorry, but that will only cover the rent for ten minutes, and none of my hookers work for free!”
The guy gets the room but has nothing else. He looks out on the ledge of the building and sees a pigeon.
Quietly, he opens the window, grabs the poor bird, and just screws the living shit out of it. Satisfied, he goes home.
Next week, he returns to the whorehouse, with his pay-cheque. He says to the Madame, “I got lots of money now…give me a hooker!”.
The Madame replies “All of them are busy now, why don’t you go to the peep show and get yourself in the mood?”.
The guy does, and is enjoying the show when he turns to the guy next to him and says, “Hey, these chicks really know what they’re doing huh?”,
The guy responds, “Yeah, but you should have been here last week, there was this guy screwing a pigeon!”
Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus’ time?
A: Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord!
What did one plate say to his friend?
Tonight, the dinner is on me!
“Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?” asked young Nina.
“Fifty years,” Grandma replied.
“That is so wonderful,” exclaimed Nina. “And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?”
“Right Nina. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce!”
Have you ever tried eating a clock?
It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds!
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office.
When the examination was over, she shyly began, “My husband wants me to ask you…”
“I know, I know.” the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder,
“I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy!”
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. Alfatehah (prayers for the deceased) for NN’s (Nik Nazmi) father.”
” jibed one 𝐓𝐨𝐤 𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐠 (@tok.hang67).
, property hunter by night 
”.
