A police officer responded to a report of a bar-room disturbance.
The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the officer and was the “Heavy-weight Boxing Champion of the World.”
Said the policeman, “I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist too, probably better than Houdini.”
The giant nodded.
“If I had some chains,” the officer continued, “you could show us how strong you really are. But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs. Why don’t you see just how quickly you can break out of them?”
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.
“I can’t get out of these,” the giant growled.
“Are you sure?” the officer asked.
The fellow tried again. “Nope,” he replied. “I can’t do it.”
“In that case,” said the officer, “you’re under arrest!”
Steven is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price. The motorcycle is missing a seal, though, so whenever it rains Steve has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Steven’s girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents one evening. He drives his new motorcycle to his girlfriend’s house.
She is waiting outside for him when he arrives. “No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word. Our family had a fight a while ago about doing the dinner dishes. We haven’t done any since… and the first person to speak at dinner has to do them.”
Steven sits down for dinner and soon notices that his girlfriend wasn’t exaggerating. It is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen and nobody is saying a word. Steven decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her onto the table and started hugging and kissing her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her father is obviously livid, and her mother is horrified. Yet, when Steven and his girlfriend resume their places at the dinner table, nobody said a word.
A few minutes later, Steven grabs his girlfriend’s mom, throws her onto the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her father is boiling, and her mother is a little more pleased. But still, there is complete silence at the table.
Suddenly, there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Steven remembered his motorcycle outside and so he jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.
With a look of terror in his eyes, the girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and exclaims, “Okay, enough is enough, I’ll do the damn dishes!”
A young boy from Penang goes off to college. Halfway through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.
He calls home. “Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Kolej Korona that will teach our dog, Coco how to talk!”
“That’s amazing,” his Dad says. “How do we get Coco into that program?” “Just send him down here with RM1,000” the young boy says. “I’ll get him into the course.”
So, his father sends the dog and RM1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out.
The boy calls home. “So, how’s Coco doing, son?” his father asks.
“Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this – they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!”
“Read!?” says his father, “No kidding! How do we get Coco into that program?” “Just send RM2,500, I’ll get him in the class.”
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read… so he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. “Where’s Coco? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!”
“Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Coco was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.
Then he turned to me and asked, “So, is your daddy still messing around with that young lady who lives in town?”
The father exclaimed, “I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!”
“I sure did, Dad!”
“That’s my boy!”
The kid went on to be a successful lawyer and then went into politics!!!
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE!!!
A nagging wife to her husband: “You don’t care. Something is preying on my mind.”
Husband: “Don’t you panic, it will find nothing!”
What wears a cap but doesn’t have a head?
A water bottle!
Hi. This is John.
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money!
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” he jibed. “Just that we the tolerant Malays couldn’t be bothered.”
