One day, Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that he looks a bit like him: “I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!” The driver agrees: “You’re right. As your driver, I have attended all of them and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could talk at the conference in your place.”“That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it. But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.The driver looks at him, dead in the eye and says :“Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me!”
So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was pulled, sparks flew and smoke filled the air – but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine. Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas.“You know what? No,” said the executioner. “I’ve had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I’m not giving you a thing to eat; we’re strapping you in and doing this now.” Well, it was against protocol but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room – and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.The man looked at the executioner and said, “Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I’m just a bad conductor!
A Mormon and an Irishman are on a plane. The Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.” The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice!”
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting.
“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he says.
The two Englishmen just stared at him.
“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” The two continue to stare.
“Parlare Italiano?” No response.
“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first Englishman turns to the second and says, “Maybe we should learn a foreign language….”
“Why?” says the other, “That bloke knew four languages and it didn’t do him any good!”
Oh God,” sighed the wife, one morning, “I’m convinced my mind is almost completely gone!”
Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, “I’m not surprised: You’ve been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!
Scientific research has become too consumer-driven.
Entire disciplines have been compromised.
Buyology is a good example!
Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says, “you know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn’t bend it, even using both hands.
By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty-five degrees, no problem.
I’m going to be sixty next week and now I can bend it in half with just one hand.”
“So,” says the second drunk, “what’s your point?”
“Well, I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m going to get!”
Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much.
All right, you can take another slice!
Why did the frog take a bus to work today?”
His car got toad away!
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’ comment,” berated one Jaja bink (@jamil_tuan).
