SUNDAY JOKES - 318

 

Sungei Petani, Kedah, Malaysia

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.

The first boy says, “My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem and they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song and they give him $100.”

The third boy says, “I got you both beaten. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”

 

‘I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…

Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car….’

Why do frogs have webbed feet?
To stamp out forest fires!

What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft!

 

A man says to his neighbour, “I have an extraordinary dog. He brings me the newspaper every morning.”

The neighbour responds by saying, “That’s nothing special. Lots of dogs do that.”

The man says, “Sure, but I don’t have a subscription!”

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

I feel better already!

 

A woman meets with her lover who is also her husband’s best friend.

They make love for hours. Afterward, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it’s the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
“Hello? Oh, hi… I’m so glad that you called… Really? That’s wonderful… Well, I’m happy to hear you’re having such a great time… Oh, that sounds terrific… Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye.”
She hangs up the telephone and her lover ask, “Who was that?”

“Oh,” she replies, “That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you!”

 

Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to an interview for a good-paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him,

“What is three times seven?”
“22,” Rick replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn’t get the job.

About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth but was still very curious.

The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong.

The boss shrugged and said, “Well, you were the closest.”

 

A man and his wife were driving through the country on his way from New York to California.
Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high-octane pump.

“What can I do for you?” asks the attendant. “Fill her up with a high test,” replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he’s looking at the car up and down.

“What kind of car is this?” he asks. “I have never seen one like it before.”

“Well,” responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, “This, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille.”
“What all has it got in it?” asks the attendant.

“Well,” says the driver, “It has everything. It’s loaded with power steering, power seats, power sunroof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8-speaker stereo, rack, and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package and best of all, an 8.8-liter V12 engine.”

“Wow,” says the attendant, “That’s really something!”

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“No one is above the law” in Perlis MB cow shooting case, says Rayer

 

JELUTONG MP RSN Rayer has questioned the actions of Perlis Menteri Besar (MB) Abu Bakar Hamzah after a viral video showed him shooting a sacrificial cow during an Aidiladha event.

In a post on Facebook, he said no one is above the law while challenging the explanation given by the MB. Abu Bakar said the animal posed a public safety threat.

However, Rayer notes that the video appeared to show the cow standing still and away from people.

“The viral video clearly shows the cow standing in an open area. No one is seen near the cow. The cow is also standing still and was not seen charging into anyone or charging into a crowd.

“So why did Abu Bakar shoot the cow then? Abu Bakar definitely did not shoot the cow in the leg because the cow is also seen lying motionless after Abu Bakar fires the shot,” he asked.

He also said even if the MB had a proper licence to carry around or own a shotgun, he asked whether laws governing the display and discharge of firearms in public places may have been breached.

Rayer also questioned the lack of police action, stressing that no individual is above the law.

“How come he anticipated a cow breaking loose and going berserk. What if someone were accidentally shot and killed?” he also asked.

Last but not least, he asked, why did the police not arrest Abu Bakar yet?

“It’s laughable for the police to say that since no police report has been lodged, no action can be taken. Why just because he is a MB? No one is above the law PDRM!” —  Focus Malaysia

“Don’t accept ink-stained notes”: Viral warning post ignites public concern over ATM theft

 

A VIRAL social media post warning Malaysians against accepting ink-stained banknotes has reignited public awareness about a little-known security feature used in ATMs to combat robberies.

The post, which circulated widely on X, warned that cash bearing suspicious blue, red or green stains could potentially originate from ATM thefts, and therefore may hold no value under Bank Negara Malaysia’s regulations.

Many Malaysians were surprised to learn that Malaysia has long implemented “ink-stain technology” in certain ATMs as part of anti-robbery measures.

According to Bank Negara Malaysia (BNM), the technology is designed to permanently stain banknotes during attempted or actual ATM robberies.

The indelible ink marks the cash, rendering stolen notes unusable and easier for authorities to trace.

Under BNM guidelines, stolen ink-stained banknotes are considered invalid for exchange and effectively hold no value.

In its FAQ document regarding the technology, Bank Negara explained that the ink stains are usually red, blue or green and often appear on at least three edges of the affected banknotes.

The central bank also advised members of the public not to accept or circulate suspiciously stained notes.

“Members of public are advised to treat this seriously as the stolen ink-stained Malaysian banknotes obtained from ATM robberies have no value,” the document stated.

The advisory triggered extensive discussion online, with many netizens admitting they had never heard of the system before.

Some users expressed shock that ordinary people could unknowingly end up receiving worthless cash during routine transactions.

But stained money is not always linked to crimes. People should note that ordinary ink spills, paint accidents or washing machine mishaps can also damage cash.

Bank Negara addressed this concern in its FAQ, clarifying that genuine accidental stains unrelated to ATM security systems may still be exchangeable at banks after verification.

The central bank further advised retailers and the public to lodge a police report if they suspect they are in possession of stolen ink-stained notes.

For many Malaysians, however, the viral post served as an unexpected public service announcement, and perhaps a reminder to pay closer attention to the money passing through their hands. — Focus Malaysia

Experts warn Bersama's ideas alone won't deliver electoral success

 

A political analyst has cautioned that Parti Bersama Malaysia (Bersama) needs more than good candidates and policy expertise to win elections.

Universiti Sains Malaysia's (USM) P Sivamurugan told Malaysiakini that the party's ideas may be attractive, but it might be hard to put into practice.

"Ground machinery, local networks, voter mobilisation, funding, and grassroots presence remain critical," he said.

Similarly, International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM) political science associate professor Syaza Shukri asserted that politics is not only about formulating policies.

"Yes, you need smart people to lead and govern, but firstly, these people need to win elections and winning elections is another game altogether.

"Can they speak the language of the people?" she asked.

P Sivamurugan

However, Sivamurugan acknowledged the possibility that the party may attract votes in urban and semi-urban seats.

The comments came after Bersama leader Rafizi Ramli said election candidates would be selected based on merit, including factors such as age, education, professional experience, policy comprehension, problem-solving ability, and community service.

During the latest episode of his "Yang Berhenti Menteri" podcast, the former economy minister also highlighted Bersama’s flat digital organisational structure, arguing that it would eliminate traditional political warlords.

Limiting organisational strength

Commenting on this, Sivamurugan said that such a framework might also limit organisational strength.

"Rafizi appears to be positioning Bersama as a technocratic, policy-driven platform rather than a traditional political party.

"The emphasis on merit-based candidates, a flat structure, and non-cooperation with existing parties reflects his view that many voters, particularly urban and younger voters, are frustrated with patronage politics, factionalism, and identity-based narratives," he added.

While acknowledging Rafizi’s belief that a “silent majority” of voters is drawn to solutions for economic and governance issues, Sivamurugan said Bersama’s immediate influence would likely be felt more in shaping political discourse than winning seats.

"Its long-term prospects will depend on whether it can build grassroots credibility beyond Rafizi’s personal appeal and demonstrate that its model works in real electoral contests.

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"For now, it is an interesting political experiment, but not yet on the same footing as the three major coalitions," he said.

Syaza Shukri

In contrast, Syaza was more optimistic about the party’s electoral prospects, describing Bersama as a "legitimate challenger" for votes traditionally aligned with Pakatan Harapan.

"I don’t see them really challenging BN and Perikatan Nasional because their bases are different," she said.

At the same time, she cautioned that Bersama’s refusal to cooperate with other political parties could slow its development towards becoming an independent political force.

Leading Bersama

On May 17, Rafizi and former minister Nik Nazmi Nik Ahmad announced that they would vacate their parliamentary seats and quit PKR to lead Bersama.

Several PKR leaders submitted their resignations soon after, while the party’s Pandan Youth division was allegedly dissolved after 19 committee members stepped down.

Rafizi Ramli (right) and Nik Nazmi Nik Ahmad at the launch of Bersama

On his podcast last night, Rafizi said that around 21,000 people have joined Bersama in the two weeks since its launch.

Of that number, roughly 29 percent - or around 6,000 people - are formerly from PKR. - Mkini