SUNDAY JOKES - 329

 

Iridescent shark fish farm (ikan patin) from Rumah Rakit Jayapura,Sungai Pahang,,Melaka,Malaysia

A man dies and goes to heaven when Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, “You need 1000 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all of the good things you’ve done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item. When you reach 1000 points, you get in.” “Okay,” the man says, “I was happily married to the same woman for fifty years and never cheated on her, not even in my mind.” “That’s wonderful,” says Peter, “that’s worth two points! ”Two points?” he says. “Well, I attended church all my life and gave my ten percent tithe faithfully. ”Terrific!” says Peter. “That’s definitely worth a point. ”One point? My goodness! Well, what about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for the homeless? ”Fantastic, that’s good for two more points,” he says. “TWO POINTS!” the man cries. “At this rate, the only way I can get into heaven is by the Grace of God! ”Now that’s what we’re looking for! Come on in!”

 

Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
A: ‘Pleased to eat you!’

 

One evening a teenage daughter and her mother were out shopping when they stopped to make a purchase.
The young girl greeted the cashier with only a “Hi,” then proceeded to dig nervously in her wallet. She was having obvious trouble counting out the correct bills and the change. But rather than help, the cashier simply stood and watched while she fumbled and mumbled her way to the correct amount.
Finally, the transaction was completed.
As they were walking to the car, the teenager turned to her mother and said, “That was my mathematics tutor!”

 

Just so everyone is clear…
I’m going to put my glasses on!

A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said, “I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained. “Tell me some good news for once.”
“Alright, here’s some good news,” said the secretary. “You’re not sterile!”

A group of American tourists was being guided through an ancient castle in Europe.
“This place,” the guide told them, “is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years.”
“Wow,” said one woman dryly, “they must have the same landlord that I have!”

One time, she made me so mad, we got into a fistfight. Do you know how you know when you lost a fight to your woman? When the cops come to your house and ask you whether you want to press charges. That’s how you know it didn’t go as you planned.

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him “Rover” or “Spot”. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog’s license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
He said, “I would like to have one too!”
Then I said, “But she is a dog!”
He said he didn’t care what she looked like.
I said, “You don’t understand. … I have had Sex since I was twelve years old.”
He replied, “You must have been quite a strong boy.”
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding.
He told me to wait until after the wedding was over.
I said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex.”
He said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church.

I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.
The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex.
He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex.
I said, “You don’t understand. … Sex keeps me awake at night.”
The clerk said, “Me too!”
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away.
Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around.
I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest.
He said that I should have sold my own tickets.
“You don’t understand,” I said, “I hoped to have Sex on TV.”
He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.
I said, “Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married.”
The Judge said, “Same here!”
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning.
I said, “I’m looking for Sex.” – My case comes up next Thursday.
Well, now I’ve been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.
Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, “What seems to be the trouble?”
I replied, “Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me forever. I can’t live any longer being so lonely.”
And the doctor said, “Look mister, you should understand that sex isn’t a man’s best friend, so go get yourself a dog!”

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Kelantan bus terminal faces delay yet again as Penang on course to reap bountiful 2026 E&E revenue

 

THE disparity between pace of economic growth and physical development between Penang and Kelantan can perhaps be gauged by the “Pearl of the Orient” having raked in electrical and electronics (E&E) exports exceeding RM350 bil in 1H 2026 while the “Verandah of Mecca” is still struggling to complete a bus terminal.

Such state of lamentation was expressed by political and current affairs site, Unofficial Info, after Penang’s E&E exports jumped by more than 80% in the first six months of 2026 from the same period last year driven by global demand for semiconductor products.

According to Chief Minister Chow Kon Yeow, Penang consistently contributed more than 60% to Malaysia’s overall E&E exports while globally, the DAP-ruled state which is known as the “Silicon Valley of the East” also contributes more than 5% to global semiconductor sales.

In Penang, discussions have moved to efforts to produce tens of thousands of skilled engineers, master the semiconductor value chain and be gearing up to seize opportunities from the US$1 tril global industry.

In Kelantan, meanwhile, the land treatment work for its much-awaited Kota Bharu Integrated Bus Station Terminal a.k.a. KB Sentral project was reported to be 21 days late.

The actual progress of the project only reached 40.07% compared to the 47.26% target according to schedule.

The state government cited heavy rains and delays in the installation of the prefabricated vertical drain as among the reasons for the delay.

“The land treatment has yet to be completed when Kelantanese have been waiting far too long to get a more organised and comfortable bus terminal,” rued Unofficial Media.

This comparison is not just to disparage Kelantan but shows how far the gap in priorities and administrative capabilities between the two states is.

 

One state is discussing chip design, high-tech talent and its position in the global supply chain. Another is still explaining why the site of a bus station is behind schedule.

Editor’s Note: The RM64 mil KB Sentral project in Tunjong, Kota Bharu was revived in July 2025 after having been delayed for two years following the appointment of China Harbour Engineering Company (CHEC) Construction as the main contractor.

The new terminal will replace the ‘dilapidated’ temporary bus terminal in Lembah Sireh which has been operational for more than a dozen years. It is slated for completion in 2028 or before the Kelantan Malaysian Games (SUKMA).

The previous attempt to develop the KB Sentral project had been hampered by the COVID-19 pandemic outbreak.

Apparently, the Kelantan state government claimed that it is taking a cautious approach in completing the integrated bus terminal to ensure that the project does not face bigger problems in the event the appointed contractor does not have sufficient financial capacity or competence.

Its state Public Works, Infrastructure, Water and Rural Development EXCO Datuk Dr Izani Husin said the state government does not want to rush to choose a (new) contractor as the project could ultimately face the risk of being abandoned.

While this approach has caused the KB Sentral development period to take longer, the state government insisted that it wants to ensure that the project can be completed well.

At the end of the day, the poster’s assessment is such that while “Kelantan leaders may be great at talking about national  politics, power struggles and the weaknesses of other states”, even a basic project in the form of a a bus terminal can be too complicated to complete.

“Penang exports technology worth RM350 bil. Kelantan, on the other hand, is still waiting for the bus station land to dry up,” he jibed.

Perhaps, bus terminal is less worrisome to Kelantanese as much as having access to clean water supply – another unending woe that almost every household in the state has to endure.

Or perhaps, contrasting the fortune of Penang and Kelantan is tantamount to comparing earth to heaven. –  Focus Malaysia

Meet 'Chinepaiyen', the Chinese creator winning hearts with Tamil [WATCH]

"WE pride ourselves as a multicultural and multiracial country, but how come at that point in my life, I could not understand a word of Tamil?" It was a question that began to weigh on a young Blake Yap when, in secondary school, he found himself forming friendships with a new and more diverse circle of classmates.

With his almond-shaped eyes and softly angular features, Yap's appearance offers little clue to the Tamil language and culture that would eventually become such a significant part of his life.

Fondly known as Chinepaiyen (small Chinese boy), the Selangor-born content creator has carved out a distinctive space for himself in the crowded world of social media.

For the past 16 years, Yap has built a following through dancing and lip-syncing to Kollywood songs, as well as reenacting memorable lines from Tamil films.

His work spans music video parodies, comedy sketches, lifestyle vlogs and other Tamil-inspired content, connecting him with audiences in Malaysia, Singapore and India.

LOVE OF THE SPOTLIGHT

Yap aims to continue his advocacy for the local Indian community. Photo courtesy of Blake Yap.

But long before Tamil entertainment became his calling card, Yap's fascination with music videos began in a much simpler setting — the family living room, with MTV playing on the television.

Now seated at his cosy studio in Subang Jaya, Yap takes me back to his childhood and teenage years, when watching MTV was almost a daily ritual.

"I would watch music videos from Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys and NSYNC. I would be so mesmerised by them, learning how they made their music videos," recalls Yap, eyes alight at the memory.

As he speaks, he suddenly notices the MTV top he is wearing — a coincidence, he insists, and entirely accidental.

Those hours spent watching MTV may have seemed like an ordinary part of growing up, but they quietly planted the seeds of Yap's desire to entertain. The former prefect soon found himself taking part in school performances and local competitions, putting those early inspirations into practice.

His first foray into making music videos came in 2010, when he entered a Digi competition with his own creation. For the contest, Yap remembers rewriting the lyrics to Lady Gaga's hit Telephone and recording a parody track, complete with a music video.

To his surprise, the entry made it into the competition's top 10. It was a small but meaningful win, giving Yap the encouragement to keep creating and showing him there could be an audience for the kind of content he enjoyed making.

That experience eventually nudged him towards YouTube, where he began putting more of his ideas and concepts out into the world.

EMERGING FROM THE BUBBLE

Yap back in school with his friends. Photo courtesy of Blake Yap.

It was around this time that things took a pivotal turn for the affable Yap. As he began discovering his creative potential, his world was also quietly expanding beyond the familiar faces he had grown up with.

Like many Malaysian students, he had to choose a stream after completing his Penilaian Menengah Rendah (PMR) in Form Three. Influenced by his mother, he opted for the science stream. It was a decision that she hoped would open the door to better opportunities after he graduated.

"My mother was like, 'You do something you do not like now, so that hopefully, when you get good results, you can possibly get a good scholarship,'" he recalls with a chuckle.

As it turned out, his new class was a melting pot of Malays, Chinese and Indians, bringing Yap into a social circle far more diverse than the one he had known before.

Until then, most of his friends had been Chinese. But as he began spending more time with his Indian classmates, his curiosity got the better of him.

He began wondering how he could grow up in a country as multicultural as Malaysia and yet not understand a word of Tamil.

The question stayed with him long enough for him to act on it. He began learning the language through Tamil films, music and other forms of entertainment, gradually discovering a culture that would eventually become a defining part of his creative journey.

BEST OF THREE WORLDS

Yap has accumulated over 580,000 subscribers on YouTube. Photo courtesy of Blake Yap.

The process began with just a few words a day.

Noticing my surprise, Yap explains that learning Tamil through Kollywood felt almost natural to him, bringing together three things he loved most: dance, acting and singing.

"That was the perfect way for me to pick up a language," he says cheerfully.

But not everyone took kindly to his newfound passion. Some of his old friends began to distance themselves, feeling that he had "changed" too much.

The scepticism did not end there. Some of his classmates of Indian descent were also doubtful of his intentions, questioning why a Chinese student was suddenly so interested in their language and culture.

Yet Yap refused to let the reactions dampen his enthusiasm.

"I wanted to get to know my friends. Get to know them on a deeper level, which is what I usually do when making friends," he says simply.

PROFESSIONAL STAMP OF APPROVAL

Yap receiving the Digital Star of 2025 award in Chennai from CIT College chairman Shri. P. Sriram. Photo courtesy of Blake Yap.

What started as a personal quest to learn Tamil soon became a significant part of who Yap was. Before long, he found his growing passion for the language naturally intertwining with his love for content creation.

Together with a friend, he decided to make his first music video cover of Ethir Neechal, with little thought of where it might lead.

Unexpectedly, the video began gaining traction on YouTube and even caught the attention of composer and singer Anirudh Ravichander, a moment Yap admits he never saw coming.

"It felt very validating to know people, especially the original artist himself, responded to the video. It was like a stamp of approval to continue what I do," says Yap.

What began as a way to connect with a language and culture he had grown curious about has since evolved into a full-time career.

SYSTEMIC STRUGGLES

Yap sharing the screen with superstar Nayanthara (left). Photo courtesy of Blake Yap.

Yap's achievements speak for themselves. With two million followers on TikTok and a role alongside South Indian superstar Nayanthara, the 33-year-old has plenty to be proud of. Yet, despite the size of his online following, commercial opportunities have not always come as readily.

Yap says Malaysian Indian creators can often find themselves overlooked in the local content market. The irony, he believes, lies partly in the makeup of his audience. A large proportion of his followers are Malaysian Indians and audiences from India — demographics that do not necessarily fall within the primary target markets of local brands.

So, while the numbers on his social media platforms may look impressive, they do not always translate into the kind of commercial value brands are looking for.

"You would assume that a person with two million followers on TikTok and 400,000 followers on Instagram would be earning well. But they see my audience as of lesser value," he says.

The financial uncertainty worries him, but Yap is conscious that his struggles are part of something bigger. If anything, they offer a glimpse into a much broader challenge facing Malaysian Indian creators, many of whom are navigating an industry where reach does not always translate into recognition or opportunity.

Conversations with friends and followers have also given Yap a closer look at the challenges the community faces in their daily lives.

CHAMPIONING CHANGE

Yap made his first music video back in high school. NSTP pix by Muzammil Sham.

It is a topic that clearly strikes a nerve with Yap.

Perhaps that is why he has come to see his platform as more than a means of building his own career. He also uses it to shine a light on issues affecting the community that, in turn, has helped build his following.

A quick scroll through his social media pages reveals a history of advocacy — from calling out shopping malls over their lack of Deepavali decorations to speaking up when members of the community are publicly mocked.

His frustration is palpable when he talks about these issues, so much so that he catches himself mid-sentence when a "fish" slips out in place of an expletive.

For Yap, these may seem like individual incidents, but together they point to a larger question of visibility — and who gets to feel seen in Malaysia.

As the Tamil cinephile continues to celebrate the entertainment and culture he once discovered as a teenager, he also wants to keep speaking up for the community that welcomed him. "I have a responsibility as a creator. I will always continue to support, speak up and entertain my audience as such," exclaims Yap.

Perhaps that is what it means to truly embrace another culture — not simply to celebrate what makes it beautiful, but to understand its people, stand alongside them and speak up when they are not being seen.

john.tan@nst.com.my

Yap dreams of having a career in Tamil cinema. NSTP pix by Muzammil Sham.

- NST