THURSDAY JOKES - 339

 

Oyster Sinar Lentuong Farm, Tuaran, Sabah Malaysia.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

 

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted because the index doesn’t hash, then your situation is hopeless, and your system is going to crash!

You can’t say this?
What a shame, sir!

We’ll find you another game, sir!

 

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that is repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall!

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, because as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker is going to hang!

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

Hisham passed away. His was provided RM100,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed from the ceremony, his wife, Aishah, turned to her oldest friend.
“Well, I’m sure Hisham would be pleased,” she said.
“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Liza, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
“How much did this really cost?”
“All of it,” said Aishah. “One hundred thousand.”
“No!” Liza exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but RM100,000?”
Aishah answered. “The funeral was RM16,500. I donated RM1,000 to the mosque. The food and drinks were another RM5,500. The rest went for the memorial stone.”
Liza computed quickly. “$77,000 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?”
“One and a half carats!”

 

What is the definition of a secret?

Something you tell to one person at a time!

 

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.
Finally, she tried threats, warning her son that, “If you don’t stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon.”

Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old thought of the lady gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, “Uh-oh … I know what “you’ve” been doing!”

 

Customer: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long?

Waiter: No sir, round!

 

Healthcare costs are rising uncontrollably across the world.

In America, taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them.

In England, they have begun rationing healthcare services and, in some cases, they have waiting lists for services just to reduce costs even more.

In fact, they now have a nine-month waiting list for abortions!

 

Have you heard the rumour going around about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it!

 

What is the definition of tomorrow?

One of the greatest labour-saving devices of today!

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Unable to move on PAS continues to slander DAP without basis, says AMANAH leader

 

AMANAH secretary-general Faiz Fadzil has accused PAS president Tan Sri Abdul Hadi Awang of slander, after Hadi claimed that DAP holds the upper hand in Pakatan Harapan (PH).

Hadi made the remarks yesterday, 21 October 2026, while debating Budget 2027.

Faiz’s response was blunt: PAS keeps repeating the claim without offering any evidence or justification.

He then turned to the arithmetic. DAP has only four ministers, he said, which is just 12.5% of the Cabinet.

“How can DAP be accused of dominating PH or the PM when DAP only has four ministers?” he asked, in a statement.

For Faiz, the real problem was the setting. Hadi’s speech, he said, showed PAS’ “uncivilised manners”, with DAP sentiments dragged into a debate that was supposed to be about the Budget.

He pointed out what the Budget actually offers. The Madani government will deliver a range of assistance for the B40 and M40 groups through Budget 2027.

Islamic affairs also get a lift. The allocation rises to RM3.1 billion, up from RM2.6 billion this year.

Faiz noted an apparent contradiction in PAS’s position.

The party did not say this help and funding would harm the people or Islam, even though it knows DAP sits in the government that approved the Budget.

His conclusion: if the Budget is acceptable, the claim that DAP dominates PH is simply slander.

Then came the sharper jab. Faiz said PAS has not been able to move on since parting ways with DAP, the non-Malay-dominant party.

“PAS should not continue to ramble on this sentiment as if it cannot move on,” he said.

The history gives the barb some bite. DAP and PAS were once allies, partnering in Pakatan Rakyat from 2008 to 2015.

Before that, they were also together in Barisan Alternatif, from 1999 to 2001.

Anwar Ibrahim’s PKR led both of those coalitions.

PAS eventually left PR, allegedly because DAP opposed implementing amending the Syariah Courts (Criminal Jurisdiction) Act 1965 which would allow PAS to implement hudud in Kelantan.

Faiz also raised a reminder about PAS’ record. The party did not pursue those amendments when it was part of the federal government.

That was under former premiers Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin and Datuk Seri Ismail Sabri Yaacob. –  Focus Malaysia

Corporate Mafia: Graft watchdog wants Victor Chin to come forward after being named in Parliament

 

BUSINESSMAN Victor Chin Boon Long should come forward to assist authorities in investigating the alleged Corporate Mafia issue, thus ensuring justice for all parties.

The Malaysian Corruption Watch (MCW) which made the call stressed that it takes seriously Prime Minister Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim’s statement in the Dewan Rakyat on the government’s commitment to make public the investigation report into allegations of a Corporate Mafia within three months.

Such commitment must be followed by a thorough, independent and transparent investigation, free from interference by any interested parties, according to the graft watchdog.

“MCW urges Victor Chin and any other individuals linked to the allegations to extend their full cooperation to the authorities if called upon or if they possess relevant information,” its founder and president Jais Abdul Karim pointed out in a statement.

On Tuesday (Oct 20), PMX who is also the Finance Minister pledged to release the investigation report on the alleged corporate mafia within three months while stressing that no one would be protected.

“If there’s evidence, let it be made public. Regardless of whose name was mentioned, whether Azam Baki, Farhash or Victor Chin,” he asserted during the Prime Minister’s Question Time (PMQT) session in the Dewan Rakyat.

On this note, PMX also urged Attorney-General Datuk Dusuki Mokhtar to lead a task force comprising the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC), Royal Malaysia Police (PDRM), Bank Negara Malaysia (BNM), Securities Commission Malaysia (SC), Inland Revenue Board and the relevant authorities under AMLA.

Editor’s Note: AMLA most probably refers to Anti-Money Laundering, Anti-Terrorism Financing and Proceeds of Unlawful Activities Act 2001.

Demanding transparency

Delving further, Jais recounted that MCW had previously lodged a police report seeking an investigation into allegations involving Victor Chin and NexG CEO Datuk Abu Hanipah Noordin, particularly concerning the management of corporate funds and possible financial irregularities

However, he said MCW is still awaiting an official explanation on the progress and status of the investigation following the report.

“When the PM himself mentions several individuals, including (Tan Sri) Azam Baki, Farhash (Datuk Seri Farhash Wafa Salvador Rizal Mubarak) and Victor Chin during parliamentary proceedings, public scrutiny of the issue is expected to intensify,” justified Jais.

“However, the mention of a person’s name must not be taken as proof that the individual has committed any wrongdoing.

“MCW stresses that investigations must not be selective, must not shield influential individuals and must not become a means of punishing individuals in the court of public opinion.”

In Jais’ contention, if sufficient evidence is found, legal action should be taken regardless of the individuals’ positions, political influence or economic standing.

Conversely, if the allegations are unfounded, this must also be clarified publicly to help restore the reputations of those affected.

“MCW also urges the authorities to provide an official update on the earlier police report and ensure that the investigation findings promised within three months address the questions raised by the public,” he insisted.

“Justice is not merely about ensuring that those who’re guilty face action but also about ensuring that those who are innocent are not continually punished through allegations and public perception.” –  Focus Malaysia

“Madani has to come clean on Tuju ownership, if Waze ban is precursor to promoting crony product”

 

AS the anti-Zionist faction diligently hails the call to prohibit the use of the Waze among government employees on national security grounds, detractors have pointed to the seemingly hidden agenda of “protecting crony interest” by discreetly promoting the home-grown TuJu navigation app.

Vocal chartered engineer Timothy See Thoe expressed discomfort at the very fact that TuJu is deeply intertwined with Madani government and political spheres.

“The app is a direct joint venture between the Malaysian Highway Authority (LLM) – a statutory government body – and a private company named Prosignal Consortium Sdn Bhd,” he ranted in a post on Threads.

“Prosignal Consortium’s direct board of directors is populated by prominent political figures and high-ranking former civil servants.”

The corporate executive with professional background in the power and energy sector went on to describe the firm’s top brass as follows:

• Datuk Abdul Rashid Asari (executive director): He is an active politician and the current Selat Klang state assemblyman in Selangor.

He is officially a member of the opposition Bersatu (Perikatan Nasional). However, in a highly publicised manoeuvre in March 2024, he defied his party’s leadership to pledge his official support for the Pakatan Harapan (PH)-led Selangor state government.

• Mohd Edzreen Mohd Din (deputy chairman & managing director): His early career is rooted in the government sector. He previously served in the Prime Minister’s Department as a personal assistant handling managerial work for a minister before transitioning to corporate roles.

• Tan Sri Acryl Sani Abdullah Sani (non-executive director): While not a partisan politician, he is a highly influential figure who served as the former Inspector-General of Police (IGP) from 2021 to 2023.

He currently holds a major government-linked appointment as the Perbadanan Usahawan Nasional Bhd (PUNB) chairman.

Disgruntled TuJu users

Interestingly, See Thoe’s revelation has elicited the question of “how much the government awarded the company (Prosignal Consortium) to build this app?” by one commentator while another teased that “after this, there’re 1.6 million downloads + 500 thousand FOMO (fear of missing out) users”.

“Once it’s mentioned that Waze is linked to Israel, expect another award billions … . So easy to be a ‘rider’, right????” he mocked.

Editor’s Note: Apparently, the exact financial amount or contract value awarded to Prosignal Consortium for developing the TuJu app in collaboration with LLM has not been publicly disclosed in official government announcements or financial filings.

For the record, the app was officially launched on Nov 26 last year at the southbound Seremban R&R by Works Minister Datuk Seri Alexander Nanta Linggi.

What is known thus far is that Prosignal serves as the private technology and operational partner for the smart highway platform.

Elsewhere, vocal Threader Zolkifli Raksyid (@sircarloz) echoed a similar sentiment as See Thoe.

“I did some research and was about to post the same thing. Datuk Abdul Rashid Asari is the centre figure here. Ex Bersatu member and a key member of the LLM but now pledging support to Selangor PKR government,” revealed the socio-political critic.

“Maybe this contract has some bearings on his sudden change of political inclination. Either way, no plans to use TuJu. Waze all the way.”

Insinuating at a plot to enrich cronies, other commenters hit out at TuJu’s various shortcomings/setbacks.

“Always wasting money to support business of its own circle of interest,” lambasted one netizen.

These bunch of guys produce 0 productivity at all. If you say this app can send distress location to nearby police station, then I agree it’s useful.

But if it’s just a tool of LLM to check how far is the R&R (rest and service stopovers along expressways), what idi*t is that?

Elsewhere, other Threaders claimed that TuJu is worse off than Waze in terms of personal data invasion as it seeks answers to “payment info, financial info, credit & fraud, other usage data”, to name a few examples.

“I’m willing to use a compass instead of the Israeli Waze or promote TuJu. TuJu is a red flag. Sorry to say so,” ridiculed Threader @shazzaqie.

“While we’re concerned over privacy leak to Israel, by using Waze, TuJu must foremost respect user privacy rather than to collect data up to credit card details.”

At the very basic, as one commenter aptly pointed out, “Waze can run without user login meaning even if they got your data, they can’t link the data to you”.

“But to use TuJu, you MUST first login using e-mail which easily link to you as our government has your e-mail address in MyDigitalID … So, which app is actually a threat in terms of privacy?”

And above all else, “TuJu’s UI (user interface) is bad and the navigation system itself is so inconsistent”. 

 

- Focus Malaysia