If our boss makes a mistake, it is our mistake!
A blonde goes horseback riding.
It starts out slow, but then it starts to gallop.
The blonde is enjoying herself. All of a sudden, she slips off and her foot gets caught in the reins.
The horse doesn’t stop and the blonde is still being dragged upside down.
She doesn’t know what to do.
Finally, the Tesco manager comes and unplugs it!
Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.
The first nurse said, “I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn’t hear.
The second nurse said, “Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his condoms.
The third nurse fainted!
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver’s door.
“Is there a problem, Officer?”
The policeman says, “Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?”
The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”
“You don’t have one?”
The man responds, “I lost it four times for drink driving.”
The policeman is shocked. “I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”
The policeman says, “Why not?”
“I stole this car.”
The officer says, “Stole it?”
The man says, “Yes and I killed the owner.”
At this point the officer is getting irate. “You what!?”
“She’s in the boot if you want to see.”
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
The senior officer says “Sir, could you step out of your vehicle, please!”
The man steps out of his vehicle. “Is there a problem, sir?”
“One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.”
“Murdered the owner?”
The officer responds, “Yes, could you please open the boot of your car, please?”
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, “Is this your car, sir?”
The man says “Yes,” and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.”
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence.
He looked quite puzzled. “Thank you, sir, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner.”
The man replies, “I bet you, the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!”
Fresh out of accountancy school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
“I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”
“Excuse me?” the accountant said.
“I worry about a lot of things” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”
“I see” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?”
“I’ll start you at ten thousand ringgit a month.”
“Ten thousand ringgit!” the accountant exclaimed. “How can such a small business afford a sum like that?”
“That” the owner said, “is your first worry!”
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he’s God’s gift to women?
Exchange him!
I recently went to my 30th class reunion from nursery school.
I didn’t want to go because I’ve put on maybe 150 or 160 pounds since then!
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can’t believe it!
He said, “What’s wrong with you? We’re being boiled alive! They’re going to eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?”
The other missionary said, “I just urinated into the soup!”
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