TUESDAY JOKES - 308

 

A couple just got a new house. The husband turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left.
When she got to the hardware store, got the hinge, and put it on the counter in front of the clerk. He noticed that she didn’t have any screws for it, so he asked her, “Do you want a screw for that hinge?”

She looked back at him and said, “No, but I’ll make love to you for that toaster in the window!”

What’s the difference between a RM 50 steak and a RM 99 steak?

February 14th!

 

Harry Truman was known for his blunt manner of speaking. When he made a speech at the Washington Garden Club, he kept referring to the “good manure” that needed to be used for the flowering plants.
Some society women complained to his wife, Bess. “Couldn’t you get the President to say ‘fertilizer’?” they asked.

Mrs. Truman replied, “Heavens, no! It took me twenty-five years to get him to say ‘manure!'”

 

How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?

It’s not hard!

 

A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the instructions on the paint can and it said…

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!

 

You have to stay in shape.

My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.

She’s 97 now and… We have no idea where she is now!

 

Q: Why did the Police Officer put a bra on the road?

A: To place a booby trap!

A mother took her little boy to church. While in the church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee.”

The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper’.”
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, “Daddy, I have to whisper.”

The father looked at him and said, “Okay, just whisper in my ear!”

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my

Ramsamy rues balancing act by cops to charge Hindu activist alongside ‘anti-kuil haram’ vigilantes

 

THE bizarre balancing act of the law enforcement agencies especially the police is something uncalled for and grossly unnecessary.

The law should be enforced against those who creating nuisance and mischief in the country and not those who are defending their rights and freedom especially with regard to Hindu temples in the country.

It is no rocket science to know that individuals such as Zamri Vinoth, Firdaus Wong Wai Hung, Tamim Dahri and S. Chandrasegaran a.k.a. Cigku Chandra were the culprits who raised the ethnic and religious temperature in the country by targeting “illegal” temples for demolition.

There are hundreds of police reports against these individuals especially controversial Muslim convert preacher Zamri who alone has amassed 900 if not more reports to-date.

Tamim led the team to demolish the Hindu temple in Rawang. It was the same individual who stepped on the Hindu structure of Trisoolam in Pulau Langkawi recently.

Later he pleaded the fact that he was not aware of the religious significance of the structure.

“A crime to defend temples against vigilantes?’

After the police sought to arrest them on the basis of police reports, both the “brave heroes” Zamri and Tamim fled to Thailand.

Meanwhile, in the infamous “balancing act” the police are going to charge activist Arun Doraisamy for speaking out against the temple demolitions in Rawang and Rawang.

Unlike Zamri, Tamim or Cikgu Chandra, Arun was not responsible for creating mischief in the country. His only crime was speaking out against injustice!

The sole responsibility of the religious mischief was Zamri, Tamim and Cikgu Chandra.

If there is violence, then the police have the responsibility to take the necessary action immaterial of ethnicity or religion.

Did Arun engage in acts of violence? Why the necessity to charge him under the Sedition Act?

What was his crime except defending temples against the vigilantes? I understand that religious and ethnic tensions are something difficult to control.

However, such a difficulty does not give the police the right to arrest and charge those who sought to defend their temples from the vigilantes in the country.

Why the need to strike a hypocritical “ethnic and religious balance” in the arrests of the activists?

The police as the law enforcement agency must constantly engage in professionalism and not to be dragged down by ethnic and religious politics. 

 Former DAP stalwart and Penang deputy chief minister II Prof Ramasamy Palanisamy is chairman of the United Rights of Malaysian Party (Urimai) interim council.

The views expressed are solely of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of  MMKtT.

- Focus Malaysia.

Does UMNO’s prodigal son KJ’s return to old habitat signify safe route to realise PM ambition post GE16?

 

THAT Khairy Jamaluddin (KJ) and former UMNO vice-president/Semborong MP Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Hussein have submitted their application to return to their roots could be tell-tale sign that the 16th General Election (GE16) “is around the corner”.

This somehow makes valid sense given the former UMNO Youth chief by so doing has ditched earlier plans to join Bersatu and PAS which have opened their arms widely to accept him soon after he was expelled by his party on Jan 27, 2023 notably for criticising no contests for UMNO’s top two posts following the party’s poor performance in GE15.

“Anwar (Prime Minister Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim) has asked the PH (Pakatan Harapan) machinery to gear up for GE … KJ and Hishammuddin have already submitted appeal letters to Zahid to reinstate or cancel their suspension as UMNO members,” penned fellow UMNO ‘renegade’ Isham Jalil in a Facebook post.

This means the GE is getting closer. PN (Perikatan Nasional) and the opposition need to be ready. We must change the PH/UMDAP (slang to mock UMNO for abandoning its principes by working with DAP) government that is causing harm to the people.

If UMNO goes solo and contests 115 seats, they will split the Malay vote, hence the winners will be Anwar, PH and DAP. If PH wins, they (UMNO) will once again support Anwar and DAP.

To re-cap, UMNO president Datuk Serti Ahmad Zahid Hamidi has admitted to receiving a letter of appeal from KJ to re-join the party two days ago (March 15).

“God willing, I’ve personally received this application which will be extended to the Rumah Bangsa Unification Committee chaired by Datuk Seri Mohamed Khaled Nordin (UMNO vice-president) to be deliberated and approved accordingly,” he shared in a FB post.

Zahid who is also Deputy Prime Minister (DPM) further hailed the gesture as in line with the spirit of Rumah Bangsa to re-discover those who were separated and bring together those who were once distant and re-unite them in one big family of struggle.

In reciprocating the goodwill gesture of the Barisan Nasional (BN) chairman, a poetical KJ contended that he has “no condition, personal wishes or requests attached in returning to the mothership of the nation”.

“Suffice is that I’m given the opportunity to become an ordinary crew member,” he philosophised in a FB post.

“What’s important is that the mothership of this nation continues to sail through the waves and storms at all times, carrying with it great hope: the unification of a nation that is united, strong and dignified. God willing, I’m coming home.”

At a glance, fans welcomed KJ back to UMNO with some describing his ‘home-coming’ as “the prodigal son returns ” while hailing him as “the next UMNO president” and even “the most potential future PM”.

However, detractors reckoned that KJ’s return to UMNO is “more towards fulfilling his lust for power” than to strive for the unification of Malays, majority of whom are now slanted towards the opposition front.

Moreover, even if UMNO were too contest on its own in GE16, its role is none other than to split Malay votes after which it can choose to once again reconcile with PH/DAP in the event its strategy backfires.

Read in between the lines, perhaps not all UMNO grassroot members welcome KJ back as evident in some who somehow expressed dismay that KJ’s return to his “old habitat would potentially ruin efforts to unify UMNO by encouraging incitement and disunity” in the party. 

- focus malaysia

FAM scandal is about rule breaches, not excuses or technicalities

 

The sanctions imposed by FIFA against the FA of Malaysia (FAM) and seven naturalised players cannot be viewed as a mere procedural matter. - NSTP/AIZUDDIN SAAD

IN football, an offence is still an offence.

It does not matter whether it is uncovered before a tournament begins, midway through a competition or long after the final whistle.

The principle that underpins the sport is simple.

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Rules exist to protect fair competition, and breaches must carry consequences.

That is why the sanctions imposed by FIFA against the FA of Malaysia (FAM) and seven naturalised players cannot be viewed as a mere procedural matter.

The ruling was subsequently upheld by the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS), even though the players are now allowed to resume football activities outside official international matches during their 12-month suspension.

That sequence of events already establishes a key point. Football's highest judicial structures found wrongdoing.

From that standpoint, the disciplinary action by FIFA should form the reference point when discussing the controversy.

Instead, much of the conversation has shifted towards technical comparisons with the case involving the Timor-Leste Football Federation several years ago.

Officials within the Asian Football Confederation (AFC) have drawn distinctions between the two cases, particularly regarding when the violations were discovered and how competition regulations apply once a tournament has concluded.

Those regulatory interpretations may have merit within football's legal framework.

Yet focusing purely on timing risks missing the underlying question that continues to hover over the issue.

How should football respond when the use of falsified documents has already been established by the sport's governing authorities?

The credibility of international competition depends on the belief that eligibility rules are enforced consistently.

When those rules are breached, the response is expected to reinforce confidence in the system rather than create fresh uncertainty.

This is why other football associations in the region are watching closely.

Among them, the Vietnam Football Federation (VFF) has indicated it may pursue further action if the final outcome appears inconsistent with disciplinary standards applied elsewhere.

Should matches involving the seven players, Joao Figueiredo, Jon Irazabal, Hector Hevel, Gabriel Palmero, Rodrigo Holgado, Facundo Garces and Imanol Machuca, remain unaffected, the debate will almost certainly continue.

For critics, the argument is straightforward and consistent.

If football authorities determined that documents were falsified, then the consequences should reflect the seriousness of the violation.

For administrators navigating the regulatory framework, however, the matter is rarely that simple. Competition statutes, disciplinary codes, and appeal mechanisms often shape how sanctions can be applied.

Football's legal landscape is filled with such complexities.

Even so, the sport has repeatedly stressed that integrity sits at the heart of its governance.

Rules governing nationality switches, heritage claims, and eligibility exist to protect competitive balance.

Without those safeguards, the entire structure of international football would become vulnerable to manipulation.

Malaysia's heritage-player controversy, therefore, carries implications that extend beyond a single disciplinary case.

It also raises questions about how federations verify documentation, how leagues process player registrations, and how oversight mechanisms function when multiple organisations are involved.

When irregularities slip through those layers unchecked, the repercussions tend to surface only after governing bodies intervene.

The episode has already prompted an audit of FAM's governance structures under a programme led by the AFC

The review is examining administrative processes, legal frameworks, and decision-making procedures within the national body.

Such exercises are rarely comfortable, but they can serve as an opportunity for institutional reflection.

Football federations across the world have faced similar moments when controversies forced them to reassess internal systems and safeguards.

In that sense, the current situation may prove as instructive as it is disruptive.

For now, attention remains fixed on how the disciplinary aspect will unfold.

Football's regulatory environment can be complex, and different cases rarely align perfectly.

But the expectation across the game remains constant.

When the rules are broken, the response should leave little doubt that fairness remains the guiding principle.

The credibility of football, from regional tournaments to the world stage, rests on the belief that the same standards apply to everyone. - NST

72 political parties registered with RoS, most expected to contest GE16

 

Director-General Datuk Mohd Zulfikar Ahmad said that a total of 72 political parties are currently registered with the Registrar of Societies (RoS) under the Societies Act 1966, with most expected to contest the 16th General Election (GE16).

PUTRAJAYA: A total of 72 political parties are currently registered with the Registrar of Societies (RoS) under the Societies Act 1966, with most expected to contest the 16th General Election (GE16).

RoS Director-General Datuk Mohd Zulfikar Ahmad said the total does not include 16 new parties under consideration.

Of these, 14 are awaiting security clearance, while two are undergoing constitutional review.

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Registration approval can take up to a year.

"We cannot prevent individuals or groups from forming associations or political parties under Article 10(1)(c) of the Federal Constitution. Only a few parties are observed not to contest elections," he said.

He added that trends over the past five years show a steady and controlled increase in party registrations.

Some parties have formed large coalitions, including Barisan Nasional (BN), Pakatan Harapan (PH), Perikatan Nasional (PN), Gabungan Parti Rakyat Sabah (GPRS), and Gabungan Parti Sarawak.

He said the rise in political parties is not necessarily a concern, provided they operate legally and follow good governance.

"However, when too many parties exist, none may emerge as dominant," he added.

Currently, the 72 registered parties have 100,869 branches across five major coalitions. Of these, 41 are based in Peninsular Malaysia, with the remainder in Sabah and Sarawak.

RoS does not interfere with party constitutions or internal decisions, which are generally final.

RoS monitors technical compliance, rules, and procedures. Notices are issued if parties breach regulations.

Some parties have had their registration revoked for issues such as failing to submit annual reports or internal disputes but were later allowed to resume operations.

Registration continues to undergo careful scrutiny to ensure parties meet legal requirements. Some applications have been rejected for inappropriate or extreme names, including Parti Sampai Pagi, Parti Hijau, and Parti Ultimax.

"Some names, like Parti Sampai Pagi, raised doubts about the applicants' seriousness. Parti Hijau appeared more suitable as an NGO. In some cases, applicants themselves were unclear about registering as a political party.

"Sometimes it is more suitable as a non-governmental organisation, and the applicants themselves are unclear about registering it as a political party," he said. - NST