A teenage boy takes a quadriplegic girl on a date to dinner and the movies. At the end of the night out, he drives her back home and they start making out in his car. He tells the girl he feels uncomfortable doing this where her parents could come outside and catch them in the act. She says not to worry because she has a place they can go to. So, he helps her in her chair and she tells him to wheel her into the backyard. When they get into the back, she shows him a huge weeping willow tree that they can hide under and says he can do whatever he wants to her.
Under the tree, she shows him two branches that can prop her up and he has his way with her. When they finished, he dresses up and also dresses the girl, puts her back into the chair, wheels her to the front door, and knocks. When her father sees the young man, he thanks him.
The boy feels very uncomfortable because of what he just did to the man’s daughter and asks, “Why are you thanking me?”
“Because son,” the father answers, “You are the first boy to take her out of the tree!”
How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it!
Bill Clinton is no longer playing the saxophone.
He is now playing the whore-Monica!
Why do women have two sets of lips?
One set to tell you off with, and the other to make you forget you’re mad!
Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall?
So, he could see her crack!
A lady sitting in the dentist’s chair told the dentist, “I would rather go through the pain of childbirth than have you drill in my mouth.”
The dentist replied, “Well, you better make up your mind so I can adjust my chair!”
A woman seated herself in the psychiatrist’s clinic.
“What seems to be the problem?” the doctor asked.
“Well, I, uh,” she stammered. “I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac.”
“I see,” he said. “I can help you but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour.”
“That’s not bad,” she replied. “How much for all night?”
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law!
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.
The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole” she replied.
He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide!”
Jeff: I had grandparents that were well into their 80s and still were having fun.
Walter: They are in their 80s? What kind of sex is that? Was it good for them?
Jeff: I don’t remember. Who are you? Mind your own business!
Girl: “Girls are better than boys.”
Boy: “Then why did God make boys first?”
Girl: “Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy!”
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.”
The man replies, “Boobs!”
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito quits sucking after you hit it!
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Long live PMX!”
