After two days in remand, Zamri Vinoth speaks to media after released yesterday (VIDEO)

 After two days in remand, Zamri Vinoth speaks to media after released yesterday (VIDEO)

-fb

TUESDAY JOKES - 303

 

Papar, Sabah, Malaysia

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. The next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.” As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this, he tries the next weight loss plan; 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master’s program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still, he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door is a hulking 300-pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, “If I catch you, you’re mine!” The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34!

 

“Babe is it in?” “Yea.”

“Does it hurt?” “Uh-huh.”

“Let me put it in slowly.” “It still hurts.”

“Okay, let’s try another shoe size.”

 

A teacher was wrapping up class and started talking about tomorrow’s final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member’s death. One smart male student asked, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?”, and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

A woman went to a lawyer to discuss about divorcing her husband.
“Don’t you love him anymore?” asked the lawyer.
“Oh, I still love him,” she replied, “but all he ever wants is make love, I can’t take it anymore.”
“Instead of divorcing him, why don’t you try charging him every time he wants to make love?” the lawyer suggested.
The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try.
As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the move on her.
“Not so fast,” she replied. “From now on it’ll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room, and $50 in the bedroom.”
“Well, then,” he said. “Here’s $50.”
The wife began walking to the bedroom.
“Hold on,” he said, grabbing her hand. “That’ll be five times in the kitchen!”

 

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.” Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas.”

 

With their faith in humanity restored after the pandemic, a couple attends a concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuables have been taken from throughout the house, from the basement to the attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my kid through college somehow, don’t I?”

 

Three people get arrested and are taken for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, “What’s your name?” She says, “Yo”. The officer asks, “What are you in for?” She responds with, “Blowing bubbles.” The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second girl, “What’s your name?” She responds with, “Yo-Yo”. The officer asks, “What are you in for?” She responds with, “Blowing bubbles.” The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He talks to the guy and says, “Let me guess, your name is Yo-Yo-Yo.” The guy replies, “No, it’s Bubbles.”

 

A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom that he needs Viagra. The mom asks, “Why on Earth do you need that?!” The little boy says, “Isn’t that what you give daddy when his willy doesn’t get hard?”

 

Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why she went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says “Hillary, I know you’re ‘somebody’ down on Earth, but up here, you’re just another person. And, I’m swamped right now, so have a seat and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.”

So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall, there are millions and millions of clocks. She can’t help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.

When St Peter returns she asks “What’s the deal with the clocks?”

St Peter replies “There is a clock on the wall for every man on Earth”.

Hillary asks “Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?”

St Peter replies “That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery”.

Hillary asks, “Well, is my husband’s clock on the wall?”

St Peters replies, “Of course, not. God has it in his office and is using it for an electric fan”.

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my

Does PMX’s blanket “clean-up” directive mean ‘Na Tuk Kong’ in public space is deemed illegal structure?

 

NON-MUSLIMS are seemingly irked at Prime Minister Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim for having ordered local authorities to act on any house of worship that is intentionally built in breach of regulatory requirements.

Viewing the directive as both “lopsided” and “hazy”, many are devastated that such pandering to the right statement is itself an endorsement to the “kuil haram” a.k.a. “illegal temple” struggle advocated by controversial Muslim convert preacher Zamri Vinoth.

Now that Modi Ji (PMX’s Indian counterpart Narendra Modi) has left Malaysia, non-Muslims are concerned that coordinator of the Gerakan Anti Rumah Anutan Haram (GARAH) who was freed yesterday (Feb 9) after serving a two-day remand order will be more embolden than ever to pursue his advocacy.

Ironically, Zamri Vinoth’s release coincided with M. Paramaguru, 49, chairman of the Sri Maha Mariamman Temple in Dengkil which ‘inspired’ the Anti-Illegal Houses of Worship Movement rally charged at the Sepang Magistrate’s Court with criminal trespass.

The security guard pleaded not guilty for allegedly committed entered the land belonging to 70-year-old privier pensioner Suhaili Ahmad without permission. The offence is said to have occurred at 4.45pm on June 19 last year at Jalan Selangor, Dredging, Dengkil.

As rightists called for a prompt demolition of what they deemed as “illegal structure’ while relishing the fact that “finally the rule of law has prevailed”, a learned Malaysiakini subscriber pointed out that “an arrest in these circumstances would be illegal”.

‘PMX is not PM for just Muslims’

This is given that where a person occupies private land without licence or consent, the issue “constitutes civil trespass as opposed to criminal offence”, hence the onus lies on the landowner to invoke due process under civil law to seek eviction or recovery of possession.

“Self-help remedies are not permitted and the involvement of the police to effect removal or arrest is unlawful,” he justified.

“Accordingly, Section 447 of the Penal Code (how the charge against Paramaguru was framed) is not applicable as there is no criminal trespass in the absence of the necessary mens rea or criminal intent.”

Against such grey areas, it is perhaps timely that Lawyers for Liberty (LFL) has urged PMX to retract his directive for local councils to “membersihkan (clean up)” houses of worship built in violation of the law while reminding the latter that he serves all Malaysians, not just Muslims.

The retraction is necessary to prevent the further spread of racial and religious hatred whether by explicit or tacit government endorsement, according to LFL executive director Zaid Malek.

Zaid had even described Anwar’s directive as “dangerous” and “irresponsible,” warning it could open the door to the indiscriminate demolition of Hindu temples.

“A more holistic and respectful approach must be employed when discussing the matters affecting the houses of worship of any religious community in Malaysia,” he countered in a statement.

“This is a disturbing, stunning statement from the PM. Has he considered its consequences?

“What exactly did he mean when he called for the local council to ‘clean up areas not belonging to the temples’? The only conclusion is that he means their eventual demolition as he offers no alternative solution to resolve the issue.”

With so much hatred already been spewed against non-Muslim houses of worship by rightists in the guise of “we’re only upholding the law, not opposing your religion”, it would not be far-fetched to expect this trend to proliferate even further with PMX’s latest endorsement.

So expect “self-appointed intelligence squads” to track down what they deemed as “illegal structures” prior to uploading their findings on social media, probably sans background check or historical details of legality aspect of those “illegal structures”.

Interestingly, one exposé by Facebook group Skuad Bongkar Binaan Haram even zoomed in on one small red Na Tuk Kong (Datuk Gong) shrine by the roadside while identifying the location as “Junction to Bukit Raja Industrial Area. From Shapadu Toll” while claiming the structure “has expanded out of the bushes”.

This eventually triggered calls for “instant demolition” with one presumably local netizen commenting, “Many can be found near Klang & Shah Alam … there’re lots of temples in the parks, especially near abandoned fields … you can easily find them if you’re smart”. 

- focus malaysia

Man caught using niece in Spiderman costume to beg

 

Observations from 3pm onwards showed the man and the girl sitting in the scorching heat. - NSTP/Farhana Yaacob

MELAKA: A 50-year-old man was caught using his 7-year-old niece to beg while dressed in a Spiderman costume at a petrol station in Melaka Tengah.

The man's actions were uncovered when the state Women, Family and Community Development committee chairman, Datuk Kalsom Noordin, and the Melaka Social Welfare Department detained him on Sunday.

Kalsom said she rushed to the location after receiving reports of child exploitation and discovered the man was not the girl's father, but her uncle.

-Advertisement-

The suspect, a widower, claimed he had recently been retrenched as a security officer and resorted to wearing the costume to seek public sympathy for survival.

"We are issuing a stern warning to this man for exploiting children, including using them for begging.

"This is an offence under Section 32 of the Child Act 2001, which carries a penalty of up to five years in prison, a maximum fine of RM20,000, or both," she said.

Kalsom added that exploiting children to gain sympathy is a serious legal violation, even when involving family members.

"I came to ensure the welfare of this child. If there are genuine financial problems, use the correct channels and do not involve children," she said.

The man, who arrived at the scene on a motorcycle, apologised and expressed regret, though he claimed the activity was known to the child's parents.

Observations from 3pm onwards showed the man and the girl sitting in the scorching heat. The girl's Spiderman costume appeared worn and torn, and she was seen walking alone near large waste bins without supervision.

She also appeared exhausted, frequently seeking shade under an umbrella. - NST

Malaysia Airlines, Firefly gear up for Ramadan and Hari Raya with over 2,700 flights and fixed fares

 

Malaysia Airlines will operate up to 1,557 flights, while Firefly will provide 1,176 services connecting major destinations across Peninsular Malaysia and East Malaysia. ― File picture by Hari Anggara

KUALA LUMPUR, Feb 10 — Malaysia Aviation Group (MAG) will operate more than 2,700 domestic flights through Malaysia Airlines and Firefly during the upcoming Ramadan and Hari Raya Aidilfitri peak travel period.

Malaysia Airlines will operate up to 1,557 flights, with Firefly adding 1,176 services connecting key destinations across Peninsular and East Malaysia, the airline group said in a media release.

To meet strong demand, Malaysia Airlines will upgrade aircraft on busy routes including Alor Setar, Kota Bharu, Terengganu, Miri, Sibu, Kuching, Tawau, Sandakan, and Kota Kinabalu. Red-eye flights to Kota Kinabalu, Sandakan, and Kuching will also be offered.

Both airlines are offering fixed all-in one-way fares for selected East Malaysia routes, excluding government taxes and fees.

Malaysia Airlines fares start from RM339 to Sarawak and RM399 to Sabah, while Firefly fares start from RM298 to Sarawak and RM348 to Sabah.

Tickets can be booked until March 29, 2026, for travel from March 17 to March 29 via the airlines’ official websites and mobile apps.

In line with the government’s festive travel initiative, fare caps will also apply on selected East Malaysia routes, with Malaysia Airlines charging up to RM569 and Firefly up to RM548 one-way, excluding government taxes and fees, for travel between March 17 and March 20.

MAG said the expanded flight schedule aims to help Malaysians reunite with their families and make the most of the festive season.

For bookings and more information, visit www.malaysiaairlines.com or www.fireflyz.com. - malaymail

South China Sea Code of Conduct talks at final stage, says foreign minister

 

Foreign Minister Datuk Seri Mohamad Hasan said to ensure smooth negotiations, among others, Malaysia’s participation in the Asean Outlook on the Indo-Pacific (AOIP) forum must be managed well. — Bernama pic

KUALA LUMPUR, Feb 10 — Foreign Minister Datuk Seri Mohamad Hasan said today the South China Sea Code of Conduct (COC) negotiations between Asean and China to conclude a formal legally binding document to manage territorial disputes, is at its final stage.

He said to ensure smooth negotiations, among others, Malaysia’s participation in the Asean Outlook on the Indo-Pacific (AOIP) forum must be managed well.

“We want to see that the areas surrounding Asean is peaceful, free and neutral, and we also want the same for our neighbour country India,” Mohamad told Parliament during the Minister’s Question Time.

The foreign minister was responding to a question by DAP’s Bagan MP Lim Guan Eng regarding Malaysia’s ties with India in terms of trade and regional security following the recent visit of the Prime Minister of India to Malaysia.

ear, is not an instrument to resolve overlapping claims, but rather a framework to ensure the waters remain a safe, free and peaceful trade route for all parties.

He said overlapping claims needed to be resolved through bilateral or multilateral negotiations, while the COC serves to establish behavioural principles and confidence-building measures to prevent tensions in the area.

Mohamad had also pointed out that Malaysia is the country coordinator with China and has undertaken the rapid discussion group — a joint working group committee on the COC. - malaymail

Couple killed as pre-dawn blaze guts Johor Bahru terrace house

 

A pre-dawn fire damaged an entire double-storey terrace house and killed a couple in Taman Damai Jaya in Skudai near Johor Bahru, February 10, 2026. — Picture courtesy of the Johor Fire and Rescue Department

JOHOR BAHRU, Feb 10 — A young couple died after a fire broke out at a two-storey terrace house located at Taman Damai Jaya in Skudai here today.

The couple, a 22-year-old man and a 21-year-old woman, were found unconscious on the upper floor of the house by firemen.

Iskandar Puteri fire and rescue station operations commander Mohamad Kamal Shaari said an emergency call about the fire was received at 5am.

He said the station immediately dispatched 13 firemen in two Fire Rescue Tender (FRT) vehicles and also a department four-wheel drive to the scene.

“Upon arrival, firemen rushed to contain the fire from the house that had an estimated 40 per cent damage.

“Firemen found the unconscious couple on the upper floor, that were later confirmed to be dead,” he said in a statement today.

Mohamad Kamal said the blaze was successfully controlled and extinguished at 5.51am.

He said initial investigation revealed that the fire is believed to have started from the living room of the ground floor.

“The cause of the fire and the estimated loss are still under investigation.

“The remains of both victims have also been handed over to the police for further action,” he said. - malaymail