A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.”
The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.”
The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.”
The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
My wife and I went to the County Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.
We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said: THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ….. Smiled and said, “He mated 50 times last year, that’s almost once a week”.
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said: THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, “WOW~~That’s more than twice a week! ………. You could learn a lot from him”.
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said: THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, “That’s once a day .. You could REALLY learn something from this one”.
I looked at her and said, “Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow”.
My condition has now been upgraded from critical to stable and the doctors say I should eventually make a full recovery.
Bill, the avid golfer, contacts a “Medium” and asks if there is a golf course in Heaven.
The Medium says that his request is a big order, but he will try and find out and get back to him in a few days.
After several days go by, Bill finally gets a call from the Medium.
“Well,” said Bill, “What did you find out?”
“I’ve got good news and bad news for you,” said the Medium.
“OK, what’s the good news?” Bill exclaimed.
“Well, there is a beautiful 36-hole golf course in Heaven, and you’ll have 24-hour access with your own personal caddy,” blurted out the Medium!!
“And the bad news?” asked Bill.
“You’re due to tee-off this Sunday at around 10.30 in the morning,” the Medium said!
A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said,
“I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained.
“Tell me some good news for once.”
“Alright, here’s some good news,” said the secretary. “You’re not sterile.”
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, “You had a great checkup.
Is there anything that you’d like to talk about or ask me?”
“Well,” he said, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”
“That’s a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?”
“Yeah, and they’re in favour 15 to 2.”
My pet mouse Elvis died today…
He was caught in a trap.
“Take it easy, Doc — you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.”
“Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?”
“Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
Why do men like to watch porno movies backward?
They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped.
What is a tiger?
A: A stri-ped!
Q: What did the lion say to her cubs when she taught them to hunt?
A: ‘Don’t go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.’
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