An old
couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband, "Just
think, honey, we've been married for 50 years.?"
"Yes," he replies.
"Fifty years ago, we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.
And we were probably naked as jaybirds."
"Well," the old woman
snickers, "should we get naked again for old time's sake?"
So, they strip off their
clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know," the old woman
says breathlessly, "my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50
years ago."
"I'm
least surprised," replies the old man. "One is in your coffee and the
other is in your oatmeal!"
I like telling Dad jokes.
Sometimes
he laughs!
A woman was happily showing off
her new mink coat.
"It
was nice of your husband to buy you that fur coat," said a friend.
"He had to,"
explained the woman. "I caught him kissing the maid."
"Oh, how dreadful,"
replied the friend, sympathetically. "Well, did you fire her?"
At
this, the woman smiled and replied, "Oh no, no... you see, I still need a
new hat!"
What's
the best smelling insect?
A
deodor-ant!
At the
conclusion of the sermon, the worshippers filed out of the sanctuary to greet
the minister.
As one
shook the minister’s hand, he said, “Thanks for the message, Reverend.
You
know, I bet you’re smarter than Einstein. "Beaming with pride, the
minister said, “Why, thank you, brother!"
As the
week went by, the minister began to think about the man’s compliment. The more
he thought, the more he wondered why anyone would deem him smarter than
Einstein.
So, the
following Sunday he asked the man, “Exactly what did you mean that I must be
smarter than Einstein?"
The man
replied, “Well, Reverend, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten
people in the entire world could understand him.
But
Reverend, in your case, no-one can understand you!”
Did you
hear about the new garlic diet?
You
don't actually lose weight, but you look slimmer from a distance!
What do
you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An
irrelephant!
At age
4, success is... not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is... having
friends.
At age 16, success is... having
a driver's license.
At age 20, success is... having
sex.
At age 35, success is... having
money.
At age 50, success is... having
more money.
At age 60, success is... having
sex.
At age
70, success is... having a driver's licence.
At age
75, success is... having friends.
At age 80, success is... not
peeing in your pants!
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