TUESDAY JOKES - 191

 

Jogging Park, Kota Samarahan, Sarawak, Malaysia

When the good Lord was making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to budge. 

Then the Lord called the Monkey and gave him 20 years. "But I don't need 20 years," said the Monkey. "Ten years is plenty."

"May I have the other 10 years?" asked Man. The Monkey agreed.

The Lord called the Lion next and also gave him 20 good years. The Lion also only wanted 10, so again Man asked for the remaining ten. 

Then came the Donkey, who was also granted 20 years. Like the others, 10 was more than enough. 

The Man again asked for the spare ten years and got them.

This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion about it, and 10 years of making an ass out of himself!

 

I told a few jokes in my shower. 

Nobody laughed. 

I said, “Man, it's tough to make a living!”

 

Moses is up on Mount Sinai and he says to God, "God, I have a pounding headache!"

And God says, "Here, take these two tablets!"

 

The town of Gemas in the State of Johore had a sensationally high birth rate, and the scientists decided to visit the place and find out the cause. So, the sociologists, anthropologists, birth control specialists and other concerned scientists moved to the town prepared to do a six-month study of the causes of the town's high birth rate.
The day the research testing and all was to begin, the Director of the million-dollar project stopped off at a cafe in town and ordered coffee. When the waiter delivered his drink, the scientist detained him for a moment and asked, "Can you give me an idea as to why your town, above all others in this country, has such a high birth rate?"

The waiter thought a moment, then said, "I think I can. You see, every morning at 4 am, the KTM train comes through town and blows its whistle at the street crossings. That wakes up the town folks here and, as you can guess, it's too darn late to go back to sleep and too darn early to get up!"

Do you think swimming with sharks is expensive? 

Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg!

 

Shout out to my fingers. 

I can count on all of them!

 

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. 

The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here!'

 

All the farmers for miles around were attending the wedding of a young Christian couple in Cameron Highlands.
Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry.
"The wedding's off," he shouted, "Everybody bugger off!"
Dismayed and muttering, the guests proceeded to the parking lot, grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer.
One guest, a friend of the bride's father, held back and approached him. "What's the problem?" he asked.
"Someone stole a keg of beer, and some bastard screwed the bride!" exclaimed the father.
The guest, taken aback, and rendered speechless, left the church, joining the other farmers.
A few minutes later, the father reappeared and yelled, "All right! Everyone back inside! The wedding's on again!"
As the farmers filed back into the church, the friend again approached the father of the bride, and asked, "What happened to make you change your mind?"

Grinning sheepishly, he replied, "Oh, well, we... uh... we found the keg of beer!"

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