Hairy Chua and the Glove of Gutter Politics

Aah, Dr Chua Soi Lek.

He who modifies the word "motherf**ker" to "personal friend f**ker". Finally he finds that he has a voice after all. That he can speak. That he can express himself orally and vocally, without the help of a video-cam. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Quite often in the past, when circumstances demanded that he speaks, in his capacity as the President of MCA, in order to voice out the grievances and hopes of the Chinese community, which his party claims to represent, he failed miserably.

Quite often in the past, when occasions presented themselves and he did speak, he would do an about turn and wash out the contents of his speech after being chided like a 5 year old boy by the UMNO leadership.

Quite often in the past, he did not find within his anatomy and senses to even utter a single word at the likes of Perkasa and Pekida, which continue to hurl abuses after abuses at the community his party, and himself, claim to represent.

If matters concerning the very particular community his party claims to represent escape his attention, what more about matters concerning other Malaysians and Malaysia at large. Oh well, I suppose, they are not his "personal friends" and therefore he doesn't want to screw around with them.

So, as I was saying, suddenly, Dr Chua (why must it be always the Doctors?) finds that he has a voice. That he can speak. And so he speaks. Yes. He who-was-caught-with-his-pants-down-while-shaking-another-woman-without-wearing-a-glove has spoken.

Awesome. Because the world has been waiting for this messiah of good manners and free love to speak for quite sometime. What an occasion. I mean, this must have been more stupendous than when Chi Chi the gay panda started to look a bit interested in Ivy the virgin panda. Like, wow.

At a time when the Malaysian economy is said to be overly dependent on the American economy, thus putting our economy at risk due to the instability of the American economy, what did Dr Chua speak about?

At a time when Petronas' income and how it is spent is shrouded in mystery and more closely guarded than the Pope and Obama put together, what did Dr Chua speak of?

At a time when principles of equality, universal human rights; issues on corruptions; leakages of government's spending; subsidy cutting; over bloated public service and infrastructure expenditures; widening national budget deficit; rempits on the roads; rising police death; widening national rifts involving religion and race; plus numerous other and myriads of issues of national importance, what subject did Dr Chua find the time to sharpen his hitherto non-existent oratory skills with?

Yes.

Dr Chua finds the time to speak about the PAS lady candidate for the Tenang by-election refusing to shake hands with males without wearing her glove. According to him, a lady like that would not come to a temple. Says he:

"She will not come here (a Chinese temple), she doesn't even shake hands with the people. I have received complaints about this.

“She is like Anwar Ibrahim's wife. She wears gloves when she shakes hands. If you can accept this kind of Islamic values, go ahead and vote for PAS."

Well Dr Chua, I don't know about going to visit a temple, but one thing for sure, I know she wouldn't be caught in a hotel room having sex like a rabbit while being video-taped.

Straight after, Dr Chua's unlikely ally, deputy Domestic Trade Cooperative and Consumer Affair minister Tan Lian Hoe of Gerakan chipped in to say that her practise was proof of PAS's goal to establish "an extremist Islamic state". How very astute. I suppose soon Puan Normala would be carrying explosives and blow the temple in Tenang to smithereens eh Madam Tan?

If that was not enough, Madam Tan, she from the non-existent party, continued:

“This is the most basic thing... Not only men, but when she shakes hands with women, she also needs to wear glove....This is not friendly. It's as if she thinks our hands are dirty... I hope the Chinese voters are careful (with Islamic state). We are very worried about the Islamic state. They want to implement an extremist Islamic state."

Dear Madam Tan. First of all, it was not PAS who declares Malaysia as an Islamic state. It was Dr Mahathir, your supreme leader who declared that. Then as recent as last week, it was your leader, the Deputy Prime Minister, who declared before Hillary Clinton that Malaysia is an Islamic country. Get it? So, before you accuse of some people of being extremist, could you first look into your own skirt, eh I mean backyard, and see your own warts, okay?

If the two of you, Dr and Madam, are not clever enough to know that Muslim women wear glove to shake hands with men not because they are not friendly or they think that your hands are dirty, allow me to educate you. They do so because the Quran prohibits touching of between people of opposite sex who are non-Muhrims. If you don not know what non-Muhrims mean, go and google it yourself because really, I don't want to spoon feed both of you.

Despite being taken to task by none other than the Deputy Prime Minister himself, Dr Chua had remained adamant that he did nothing wrong. As it is, he is reported by Malaysiakini to have said:

"So what is so great about that? That is your religious value which I don't know. How am I to know about the religious values when I'm not practising that religion?”

"I have the right to say that it's basic manners to shake hands with people. That's my values. Understand? You also must value my value, which is good manners, which includes shaking hands."

Well Dr Chua, if your knowledge of Muslim sensitivities and the Malay culture is as much as you know about how not to get caught having sex while being videoed, then perhaps you should retire and open a karaoke centre somewhere in Muar, no?

You live in a multi-ethnic-faith country, for God's sake. At the very least, own up to your mistake, like you owned up to your past mistake. Then say sorry. And move on.

That would be good manners, don't you think?