Mr. Rabbit was walking down the road when he
spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, "Good
Morning, Mr. Crow."
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good Morning
Mr. Rabbit."
Mr. Rabbit shouted up, "What are you doing
today?" and the answer shouted back down was, "Absolutely nothing,
Mr. Rabbit - Absolutely nothing and loving it."
Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Rabbit, so
he shouted back up, "Do you think I could do that too?"
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "I don’t see why
not!"
So, Mr. Rabbit lay down on the side of the road
and began doing absolutely nothing!
About 30 minutes later, a fox came along and ate
him up!
The
moral of the story is:-
You can get away with doing absolutely nothing,
but only if you are really high up!
"How long have you been
working at that office?"
"Ever since they threatened to fire
me!"
I’m
very old now and I’ve got a body like a dropped lasagna.
Women now look at my naked body in the same
fearful way that pensioners look at snow!
George, who is 70 years old,
went for his annual physical check-up. All of his tests came back with normal
results.
Dr. Smith said, "George,
everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally?
Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your
God?"
George replied, "God and
me are very close. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when
I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light
goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when I'm done."
"Wow," commented Dr.
Smith, "that's incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr.
Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is just
fine. Physically he's great, but I had to call because I'm in awe of his
relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof!)
the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes off?"
Thelma exclaimed, "That
old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"
Waiter: You know there are no
mice at our hotel.
Customer: Why, is your hotel so
clean and well maintained?
Waiter: No sir, the food is so bad!
A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in
their eyes.
I said, ‘You’re right, it’s supposed to be up the bum!
“Do I believe in safe
sex?
Of course, I do.
I have a handrail around the bed!”
A baby polar bear goes up to
his dad and asks, "Dad, am I a pure polar bear?"
The dad replies, "Sure you
are, son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all
polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear."
Still unsure the baby polar
bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I a pure polar bear?"
She answers, "Of course
you are, honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents
are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear."
Still not convinced the baby
polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandma...Grandpa...am I
all a polar bear?"
His grandmother answers,
"Of course you are, sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all
polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear.
Why do you ask, sweetie?"
The baby polar bear replies,
"Because I'm bloody freezing!"
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