Two
hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up
with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and
learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume,
lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
They
set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to
give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came
crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
When
the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and
get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back
shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?"
The guy
in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd
better brace yourself!"
Why do fish live in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them
sneeze!
What
kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality!
Someone
mistakenly left the cages open in the reptile house at the Zoo Negara and there
are snakes slithering all over the place.
Frantically, the keeper tries
everything, but he can't get them back in their cages.
Finally,
he says, "Quick, call a lawyer!"
"A lawyer? Why??"
"We
need someone who speaks their language!
Have you heard about the
elephant with diarrhea?
It's all over town!
A man and a giraffe walked into
a bar.
After a
few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies.
The man
begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
"Hey,
you can't leave him lying there!", the bartender yells out.
The man
turns around and says, "It's not a lion. It's a giraffe!"
Q. How can you tell if your
husband is dead?
A. The sex is the same but
you get to use the remote!
An
octogenarian moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to
the Club for the first time to play but was told everyone scheduled to play was
already out on the course. He was so disappointed, the Assistant Pro said he
would play with him and would give him a 12-stroke handicap.
The 80-year-old said, "I
really don't need a handicap. The only real problem I have is getting out of
sand traps."
They both played well. Coming
into the par three 18th they were even. The Assistant Pro had a nice drive to
mid-fairway and would be able to get on the green with the next stroke and then
putt for a par with the following play.
The old man hit a long drive,
and the ball landed in one of the two sand traps around the hole. Shooting from
the sand trap on his second stroke, he hit a high ball which landed on the
green and rolled right into the hole!
The Assistant Pro was stunned.
"Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand
traps."
"I do," replied the octogenarian. "Give me a hand!"
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