A woman
came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped
him on the back of the head.
"I
found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Darling Mary'
written on it, "she said, furious. "You better have an
explanation."
"Calm
down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the
horse race track? That was the name of the horse I bet on."
The next morning, his wife
snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?"
he complained.
"Your
horse called last night!"
“Darling,
I think the new dryer is shrinking my clothes.”
“No,
sweetie, that was the fridge!”
Dick and Dirk are employed in a
computer hardware store as movers.
One day, both of them were
asked to move some computers. Dick being energetic that day doesn't feel the
computer to be heavy at all. At the same time, he sees that Dirk is struggling
very hard to lift his computer.
At this Dick says, "What
Dirk, my computer has 500 MB Hard Disk and yours has just 250, even then you
cannot lift it ?"
At this
Dirk thinks for a while and replies, "Thats right, but my hard disk is
full but yours is empty!"
Q: Did you hear about the
blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed!
When Adam stayed out very late
for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other
women," she told her mate.
"Eve, honey, you're being
unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on
earth."
The quarrel continued until
Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was
his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously around the torso.
"What do you think you're
doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting
your ribs!" said Eve.
A man
took off with his family to tour the country. When he returned, his next-door
neighbour asked how he enjoyed the vacation.
"Well," he replied,
"have you ever spent three weeks in a mini-van with those you thought you
really loved?"
Dentist:
"You need a crown."
Patient:
"Finally, someone who understands me!
An
engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and
says, "Ah, you're an engineer - you're in the wrong place."
So, the
engineer reports to the Gates of Hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer
gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and
building improvements.
After a
while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the
engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day
God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it
going down there in Hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey,
things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and
escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with
next."
God replies, "What???
You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have been down
there, so send him up here."
Satan says, "No way! I
like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back
up here, or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and
answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
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