NEW YEAR 2024 JOKES

 

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'
'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. 

Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The Meaning of Dreams!'

What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? 

He gave up thinking!

On New Year's Eve night, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. 

As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at two o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.

'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Daniel.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Day?' enquired the constable sarcastically.

'My wife!' slurred Daniel grimly.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. 

A pessimist stays up to make sure the Old Year leaves!

John, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Dave, and asks for a smoke.
“I thought you made a New Year's resolution and that you don’t smoke,” Dave says.
“I'm in the process of quitting,” replies John with a grin. “I am in the middle of phase one.”
“Phase one?” asks David.

“Yeah,” laughs John, “I've quit buying!”

Who has time to party on New Year's Eve? 

It takes me all evening to set my clocks ahead a year!

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means, ‘Without Information Fighting Everytime’
WIFE says: No, it means ‘With Idiot For Ever’

Happy New Year 2024!

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. 

At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. 

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. 

As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death!

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