War on bullying starts at home

 Too often, a bully is simply a product of severe parental neglect.

From Moaz Nair

With over 5.4 million students packed into educational institutions nationwide, our schools are no longer just places of learning – they have become breeding grounds for systemic violence.

In 2024 alone, reported school bullying cases surged to a staggering 5,703. If that number does not shock you, the global reality should: Unicef confirms that at least one in three children aged 13 to 15 worldwide are subjected to the daily torment of bullying.

This crisis has escalated past name-calling and playground shoves into fatal territories. The starkest reminder of our collective failure is the horrific incident in Kuala Pilah, where a 16-year-old boy was detained under a murder investigation following the tragic death of a 14-year-old student at a school hostel – a nightmare stemming directly from suspected bullying.

Yet, we continue to foolishly shift the blame. Expecting teachers, headteachers, or university chancellors to police the psychological flaws of millions of students at every second of the day is a delusional abdication of responsibility. The problem does not originate in the classroom, and it cannot be solved there.

The mental ruin of the victim

Bullying is not a rite of passage; it is psychological warfare. The trauma inflicts deep, permanent scars, brainwashing victims into a misplaced sense of culpability where they blame themselves for the abuse they suffer. Trapped in a vicious cycle with no visible escape, these children face a soul-crushing sense of powerlessness.

This relentless terror triggers severe anxiety, extreme stress, and clinical depression. In the most devastating scenarios, it drives children even to suicide. Overwhelmed by the crushing weight of their tormentors, victims are effectively paralysed, stripped of the ability to stand up for themselves while the system looks on.

The dysfunctional family catalyst

If we want to stop this menace, we must stop ignoring where it starts: the home. Bullying tendencies do not materialise out of thin air; they are forged in broken domestic environments. A dysfunctional family life is a direct catalyst for hostility, impulsivity, and deep-seated anxiety. When a home environment fails to teach internal conflict resolution, it produces aggressive individuals who project their rage onto peers.

Too often, a bully is simply a product of severe parental neglect – a child throwing violent tantrums as a desperate, toxic cry for attention. Whether it stems from broken homes, domestic violence, or substance abuse, the pattern is identical.

The emotional neglect they experience breeds distorted self-esteem and a learned, hostile reflex. They grow up weaponising conflict because aggression is the only language they were taught at home.

The digital frontier: unchecked cyberbullying

The violence has expanded. Aggression has broken past the school gates and followed our children into their bedrooms through digital screens. Data from Ipsos reveals a horrifying reality: 23% of Malaysian parents report that their children have fallen victim to cyberbullying.

This is not harmless internet drama. Cyberbullying is a relentless, 24/7 campaign of terror that uses mobile phones, chat rooms, and social media platforms to systematically destroy a child. From vulgar threats to compromised pictures and cruel public comments, this continuous digital hostility constitutes severe psychological abuse. Like its physical counterpart, it erodes a child’s sanity and acts as a direct fast-track to attempted suicide.

Stop blaming schools, the defence starts at home

The bitter truth is that these deeply rooted behavioural pathologies start long before a student walks through a school gate. The absolute maximum an educational institution can offer is a reactive, band-aid counselling session for a student who is already broken. Schools cannot cure a rot that started in the living room.

If we want to permanently eliminate this epidemic, the family unit must take centre stage. Parents hold the ultimate power and the primary obligation. While they cannot police every peer group, they can no longer remain passive observers of their children’s emotional wellbeing.

Parents must actively cultivate emotional resilience and iron-clad boundaries from day one. The only way to stop a bully – or to keep a child from becoming a target – is to build the defence where it matters most: at home. - FMT

Moaz Nair is an FMT reader.

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.