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Tuesday, July 9, 2024

TUESDAY JOKES - 220

 

Hiking at Bukit Botak, Sepanggal, Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash-can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day until finally, the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favour? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace.

 

After dinner, one evening, George W. Bush was entertaining his house guest by playing the piano.
At one point he turned to the visitor, a fat conservative talk show host, and said, "I understand you love music."
"Yes," murmured the guest politely. "But never you mind. Keep right on playing ..."

Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?

In case she needed to draw blood!

A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
"Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
"Pick me up." He looked at the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog, and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

A middle-aged man goes into the doctor's clinic for a check-up with a litany of complaints.
The doctor speaks to the man's wife alone and says, "There is nothing that is medically wrong with your husband. Make a couple of meals for him a day, let him watch his sports. Do not complain at him too much and require him to listen. Limit his exposure to in-laws and make love to him once a week. Then, he'll probably live another 20 years."
She returns to her husband's side in the waiting room. He asks, "What did the doctor tell you?"
"You are going to die real soon, my dear."

One dismal rainy night in Sydney, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.
Checking his rearview mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.
'Where to?' he stammered.
'Kings Cross,' answered the woman.
"You got it,' he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.
The woman caught him staring at her and asked, 'Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?'
'Well, madam,' he answered, 'I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare.'
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver, and said,
'Does this answer your question?'
Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, 'Got anything smaller?'

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
- Anna one, Anna two...

Ahmad went to see a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed; I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you got to help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred ringgit per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Ahmad.
Six months later the doctor met Ahmad on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred ringgit a visit? A bartender cured me for just ten ringgit."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

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Kapitan Cina estate: Court impeaches ruling based on false proof

Fraudulent evidence involving the tombstone of a wife of the fourth Kapitan Cina of Kuala Lumpur led to the reversal of an earlier court ruling that allowed one of the claimants to have a share in the multi-million ringgit estate.

The Kuala Lumpur High Court over a month ago allowed an application by Allan Yap to impeach the civil court’s earlier ruling that allowed another claimant, YCS, for a share in the control of the estate of Sam Poh San @ Shum Poh Sum.

Malaysiakini is withholding YCS’ identity pending a response from him and his lawyers from Messrs S Mathews & Associates over the legal dispute involving Sam’s three-quarters share in a landed property in Hulu Langat, Selangor.

Allan’s counsel T Sudhar confirmed with Malaysiakini that judge Hayatul Akmal Abdul Aziz made the impeachment ruling on May 29 and that YCS has not lodged any appeal within the required 30-day of the verdict.

Three years earlier, the civil court allowed a suit by YCS’ father, YNS, to amend the letters of administration granted to Allan and to allow the former to have a share in Sam’s property, who was one of the wives of the late Yap Ah Shak.

Ah Shak succeeded the late Yap Ah Loy in 1885 until his death in 1889.

For the initial court victory in 2017, YNS (who passed away two years later) relied on two pieces of alleged evidence to prove lineage to Sam - one being her tombstone at Kwong Tung Cemetery, Kuala Lumpur, and historical records from the Kwang Tung Cemetery Association.

The tombstone allegedly showed the names of Yoke Chong and YCS’ grandfathers as the two sons of Sam, who passed away on June 13, 1951.

Fraud proven in court

However, Hayatul ruled that the previous court judgment must be impeached as the court was misled by fabricated evidence, including the tombstone.

The judge said that Allan succeeded on a balance of probabilities to prove the fraud perpetrated by YNS and that YCS failed to provide compelling or persuasive rebuttal evidence.

She said that the false or fictitious evidence involving the fabricated tombstone among others was what led to the 2017 initial court verdict, which now has been impeached and set aside

Hayatul ordered the removal of YCS’ name from Sam’s grant letters of administration and for YCS to surrender to Allan all of Sam’s materials and assets within 14 days from May 29. - Mkini

How to expect Indians to be faithful, loyal to PH when PMX only accords them with pittance

 

THERE is saying that if you repeat an untruth a few times, there is possibility that the untruth might become the truth.

This seems to be the case with Prime Minister Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim for repeating the statement that Indians are not neglected the country.

In the immediate aftermath of the Sungai Bakap polls, he issued a statement saying that Indians are not neglected in the country.

He elaborated the statement by saying that the government assistance in the form RM100 mil through the Malaysian Indian Transformation Unit (MITRA) as well as RM50 mil to Tekun Nasional and Amanah Ikhtiar Malaysia and others were examples of the Madani government’s commitment to assist the Indian community.

Anwar added that he had even asked Rural and Regional Development Minister Datuk Seri Ahmad Zahid Hamidi to provide opportunities for Indian children to participate in vocational and technical training. Moreover, he has also requested PETRONAS to provide scholarships for Indian students.

And finally, Anwar said that he was willing to listen to PH-led government Indian MPs, state assemblymen and grassroots leaders, among others on how the government could be of assistance to the Indian community.

Anwar’s humble tone towards the Indians seems to have come after the Pakatan Harapan (PH)-led coalition suffered disastrous defeat in the recent Sungai Bakap by-election.

Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim (second from left) attends a gathering of the Indian community in his parliamentary constituency of Tambun on July 8

Short memory

In the polls, majority of the Malay voters and the so-called “fixed deposit” Indian voters deserted the PH-led coalition camp.

Even the die-hard Chinese voters did not turn up in droves to vote for the ruling coalition. The Chinese voters’ turnout was the lowest compared to other races.

Perhaps, Anwar realised that not only the Malays have deserted the PH-led coalition but the Indians have followed suit. The Sungai Bakap polls was the first election in the country that saw Indians voting in favour of the Perikatan Nasional (PN) coalition.

This could be the result of frustration with the Madani government, Anwar’s indifferent attitude towards the Indian community and some serious attempts made by PN leaders to attract the support of the Indian community.

Anwar seems to have a short memory. He has conveniently forgotten that it was him who forbade questions on the matriculation programme; who referred to Indians as “Keling”; who presided over the conversion of an Indian youth in Klang after he became the PM; asked Indians not to be jealous of government assistance to the Malays; refused to appoint an Indian Tamil minister; and most recently introduced a token merit policy in the admission of students with 10As and above in their SPM to matriculation programme.

To the Indian community, such a policy has no relevance when students only take up nine SPM subjects. The merit policy for the high achievers was just a gimmick to get the support of the non-Malays.

Prof Ramasamy Palanisamy

Mutton, chicken curry treat no longer works

Having hurt and humiliated the Indians in the country, Anwar expects them to be faithful and loyal to him and the government. Why should they!

Maybe the “spineless” “sycophant” Indian leaders in PKR and DAP might be loyal to him just to ensure their bread crumbs are not lost. But he should not take the Indian community for granted.

In the case of the Sungai Bakap by-election, dishing out mutton and chicken curry did not bring about the desired results. Indians frustrated and humiliated came out to vote against the Anwar-led government.

If PN makes the right political overtures, it just a matter of time before Indians might seriously consider throwing their lot behind the PN coalition. It is just not enough to have the defanged Indian representatives in PAS and Bersatu to pull Indian support.

The United Rights of Malaysian Party (Urimai) takes the opportunity to thank to thank the Malays, Indians and to a limited extent, the Chinese, in showing their displeasure towards the PH-led coalition.

If PN wants to be seriously considered as a national political coalition, it is about time it comes out with policies and programmes to satisfy the political aspirations of the non-Malays.

Indian support cannot be taken for granted. Indians are no more the same submissive ethnic group as in the heyday of the MIC. They want respect, dignity and rights in the country. Well, this is the meaning of the newly formed political party, Urimai.

Former DAP stalwart and Penang chief minister II Prof Ramasamy Palanisamy is chairman of the United Rights of Malaysian Party (Urimai) interim council.

The views expressed are solely of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.

- Focus Malaysia

Penyertaan dalam BRICS beri manfaat kepada syarikat, ekonomi negara, kata Anwar

 

Free Malaysia Today
Bulan lalu, Malaysia telah menyatakan hasrat untuk menyertai kumpulan ekonomi BRICS (Brazil, Russia, India, China dan Afrika Selatan). (Gambar AFP)

KUALA LUMPUR: Penyertaan Malaysia dalam anggota kumpulan ekonomi BRICS (Brazil, Russia, India, China dan Afrika Selatan) diyakini memberi manfaat kepada syarikat dan ekonomi negara, kata Perdana Menteri, Anwar Ibrahim.

Beliau berkata ini kerana Keluaran Dalam Negara Kasar (KDNK) negara anggota cecah AS$26.6 trilion iaitu 26.2% daripada KDNK dunia.

“Maka kalau kita membuka jalur ini kita yakin beri manfaat untuk syarikat-syarikat dan ekonomi negara kita,” katanya pada sesi Waktu Pertanyaan-Pertanyaan Menteri di Dewan Rakyat.

Beliau menjawab pertanyaan Lee Chuan How (PH- Ipoh Timor) yang meminta perdana menteri menyatakan dasar dan hala tuju Malaysia susulan hasrat untuk menyertai BRICS.

Dalam pada itu, Anwar tidak menolak kemungkinan permohonan Malaysia ke dalam BRICS akan mengambil sedikit masa.

Beliau berkata tetapi dengan hubungan negara dalam BRICS sangat baik, ada kemungkinan Malaysia jadi ‘country partner’ dalam konteks yang segera.

Tambahnya, memang ada keperluan Malaysia menyertai BRICS dan kerajaan juga sudah sudah mengkaji kemungkinan dan implikasi, terutama dalam hubungan dengan negara anggota kumpulan ekonomi BRICS sebelum memohon untuk menyertai kumpulan ekonomi itu.

Beliau berkata terdapat negara yang menganggotai BRICS turut menjadi anggota dalam Kerjasama Ekonomi Asia Pasifik (APEC) dan Pertubuhan Kerjasama dan Pembangunan Ekonomi (OECD).

“Justeru tidak ada sebab untuk Malaysia tidak membuat pertimbangan untuk menyertainya.

“Tidak ada sebab mengapa kita dan beberapa negara ASEAN yang sekarang sudah memohon untuk bersama BRICS, harus bimbang kerana ketetapan kita bukan mencampuri urusan domestik dan politik negara masing-masing.

“Kita menekankan keutamaan perdagangan dan perluasan jaringan supaya negara dan rakyat, terutama pedagang, peniaga dan pelabur memperoleh manfaat,” katanya - FMT

AG Ahmad Terrirudin Salleh tipped to be Federal Court judge, say sources

 

Terrirudin
Ahmad Terrirudin Salleh was appointed to the post of Attorney-General on Sept 6 last year. (Bernama pic)

PETALING JAYA: Attorney-General (AG) Ahmad Terrirudin Salleh is tipped for appointment as a Federal Court judge and may later be appointed to occupy the post of Chief Judge of Malaya (CJM), the third highest post in the judicial hierarchy, sources say.

A source said Terriruddin’s name was submitted by the Prime Minister’s Office for endorsement by the Conference of Rulers at its meeting next week.

“He is likely to be appointed a Federal Court judge first and CJM by the end of September in accordance with constitutional requirements,” the source told FMT.

Another possibility is for Terrirudin, 56, to be made a judge of the apex court, with the CJM’s post left vacant for the time being. The reason for such a move is unclear, the source said, although the possibility of it happening is remote.


Court of Appeal president Abang Iskandar Abang Hashim presently performs the duties and functions of the CJM on an interim basis.

The CJM position became open following the mandatory retirement of Zabidin Diah on Feb 29.

On June 6, FMT reported that the authorities were toying with the idea of roping in an “outsider”, such as Terrirudin or a senior lawyer, to take up the position.

Terrirudin meets the qualifications to be made a Federal Court judge since Article 145 of the Federal Constitution makes it a prerequisite of his current post.

Under Article 123 of the constitution, a person qualifies to be a Federal Court judge if he is a citizen, and has for the 10 years preceding his appointment been a practising lawyer or a member of the judicial and legal services.

A precedent for this was established when Mohtar Abdullah was made Federal Court judge soon after he retired as AG in 2002.

At the time, it was widely believed that Mohtar would rise to become the chief justice.

However, less than three months into his term, Mohtar suffered a stroke. He died on July 7, 2003, aged 59.

Terrirudin, who began his career as a legal officer in 1992 has served in various positions, including as a sessions court judge and later as chairman of the Industrial Court in Penang and Kuala Lumpur.

He was also deputy head of the civil division in the Attorney-General’s Chambers and served as Kedah State Legal Advisor before being made chief registrar of the Federal Court in 2019.

On March 25, 2022 he was appointed solicitor-general and rose to become AG on Sept 6 last year.

Lawyer Syed Iskandar Syed Jaafar said it is not uncommon in Commonwealth countries for the AG to be appointed to a top administrative position in the judiciary.

He said Singapore’s former AGs Chan Sek Keong and Sundaresh Menon both went on to be appointed their country’s chief justice.

“However, parachuting Terrirudin straight into the apex court without going through the Judicial Appointments Commission (JAC) is a cause for concern,” he added.

Lawyer Rafique Rashid Ali said he was perplexed as to why the authorities are putting aside the longstanding practice, prevalent since Merdeka, of appointing serving Federal Court judges to the post of CJM.

“The present 10 apex court judges started as judicial commissioners and most have fulfilled all the selection criteria outlined in the JAC Act to occupy the post,” he said.

FMT understands the JAC had proposed at least four judges, who each have between four and five years left in office, to occupy the post of CJM, with the possibility of being further elevated.

“The younger ones were proposed to facilitate the JAC’s succession plan as the Chief Justice and Court of Appeal President will also retire by July next year,” said a source.

Lawyer Salim Bashir said under Article 122B of the Federal Constitution, all appointments of judges to the top positions in the judiciary are made by the Yang di-Pertuan Agong, acting on the advice of the Prime Minister, and in consultation with the Conference of Rulers.

“The JAC under the (JAC) Act merely proposes names for appointments. However, under the constitution, the final decision rests with the prime minister,” he said. - FMT