So once
there was a Chinese man, a Mexican, and an American all in the same plane.
Firstly,
the Chinese man takes a pair of chopsticks and throws them out of the window.
Then he
claims "We have too many of those in my country!".
Then the Mexican grabs his
salsa, throws it out the window and says "We have too many of these in my
country!".
Then
the American picks up the Mexican and throws him out of the window and claims
"We have to many of them in my beloved country!".
A guy
walks into a bar, and another guy says, “I slept with my wife before we were
married. Did you?”
The
other guy says, “I don’t know. What was her maiden name?”
Two
boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are
you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found
a 50 ringgit note and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest
lie."
"You should be ashamed of
yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age, I didn't even
know what a lie was."
The
boys looked at each other then gave the 50 ringgit note to the teacher!
My
wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My
wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you!
There
are two kinds of people on earth.
Those
who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those
who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning!"
Paddy
and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next-door neighbour's dog
barking. It had been barking for hours and hours.
Suddenly, Paddy jumps out of
bed and says, "I've had enough of this," and goes downstairs.
Paddy finally comes back up to
bed and his wife says, "The dog is still barking. What have you been
doing?"
Paddy
says, "I've put their dog in our yard - now we'll see how they like
it!"
Why do women wear panties with
flowers on them?
In
loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there!
It was
many years ago, since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in
her arms, entered the butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news
that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally, he offered to provide
her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years
off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat
each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the
butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you
take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and
watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home, he
told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher
and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the
last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!"
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