THURSDAY JOKES - 201

 

An antique kerosene cooking stove of yesteryears

A very old rural county preacher was fishing one afternoon when he noticed a frog sitting next to him. 

The frog said, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life. 

"The old preacher smiled, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

After a while, he looked into his pocket to see how the frog was doing. The frog said again, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life. 

"The preacher just smiled and kept on fishing. When he checked on the frog again, it said, “What’s wrong with you, fella? I said I’ve been bewitched. Just kiss me and I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and make you the happiest man on earth for the rest of your life! "

The old preacher just smiled and said, “Frog, I’m sorry to tell you this…but at my age, I’d rather have a talking frog than a beautiful princess!”

 

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey!”

The horse replies, “Sure!”

A man goes to a sperm bank and says, "I'd like to make a deposit, please."

The doctor says, "Go and fill this up," and gives the man a bottle.
Three days later the man returns to the sperm bank, marches into the doctor's office and says, "I've tried with my left hand and tried with my right hand. My wife has tried with her left hand and her right hand. My mother-in-law has tried with a rubber glove on - but none of us can get the top off that bottle!"

 

Why are crabs so bad at sharing?

Because they’re all shellfish!

 

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The cashier says: "You must be single?”
The man replied: “Wow, how did you know that?”
Cashier: “Because you’re not handsome!”

 

When my wife quit work to take care of our new baby daughter, countless hours of peek-a-boo and other games slowly took their toll.
One evening my wife smacked her bare toes on the corner of a dresser and, grabbing her foot, sank to the floor.
I rushed to her side and asked whether she was hurt.
She looked at me through her tear-filled eyes and managed to moan, "I am fine, can't you see?"

Q: How can you tell if a blond is a good cook?

A: She gets the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece!

 

Randy, was on a hunting trip up in West Virginia. He became rather cold and thirsty so he decided to stop in at his mother-in-law's place and ask for something to drink.
When he got there, she said, "You look really cold, how about a bowl of soup."

There was a cute Siamese kitten running around the kitchen, running up to Randy and giving him a great deal of attention. 

Randy commented, "That kitten sure is friendly."

Bill, his father-in-law replied, "Arnold's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using!"

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