THURSDAY JOKES - 214

 

In the mood for Kaamatan(Harvest) Festival at Sabah, Malaysia today.

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking blonde and somewhat improbably, asked her to climb a pole that was conveniently nearby.
For whatever reason, she decided to do it.
When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her:
"Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?"
The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and naive and decided to show those boys a thing or two.
The next day, they repeated their request, and when she came home, she was beaming.
"What are you so happy about?" asked her mother.
"I totally showed them. 

Today I didn't even WEAR my panty!"

A six-year-old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.
"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling your hair hurts."
A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...
"Now she knows!"

Men are like fine wine...
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with!

 

At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas.
After settling in, he met a neighbour who was also an older man.
“Say, is this really a healthy place?”
“It sure is,” the man replied.
“When I first arrived here, I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed.”
“That's wonderful!” said Bill. “How long have you been here?”
“I was born here!”

 

If our boss makes a mistake, it is our mistake!

 

A blonde goes horseback riding.
It starts out slow, but then it starts to gallop.
The blonde is enjoying herself. All of a sudden, she slips off and her foot gets caught in the reins.
The horse doesn't stop and the blonde is still being dragged upside down.
She doesn't know what to do. 

Finally, the Tesco manager comes and unplugs it!

Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.
The first nurse said, "I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear.
The second nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his condoms.
The third nurse fainted!

 

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.
"Is there a problem, Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"
"She's in the boot if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle, please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car, please?"
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, "Is this your car, sir?"
The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. 

He looked quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you, the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

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