CHINESE NEW YEAR JOKES 2024 (2)

 

There were three guys walking down a hill; an African guy, a Mexican guy, and a Chinese guy. 

Then they got kidnapped by a crazy gay guy. He said, "If all three of your willies add up to 12 inches your lives will be spared." 

The African guy pulls down his pants and he measured 6 inches, the Mexican measured 4 inches and the the Chinese measured 2 inches. Their lives got spared. 

Walking down that same hill the African guy said, "You are lucky, I'm black" The Mexican said, "You are lucky, I'm Mexican" 

Then the China-man said, "You are soooo lucky, I had a teeny-weeny!"

 

What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? 

Some Thing Rong!

 

A Chinese family of 5, named Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu decided to immigrate to the United States. 

In order to get a visa, they had to Americanize their names. 

Chu became Chuck. Bu became Buck. Hu became Huck. 

Su and Fu decided to stay back in China!

 

An American man was sitting in his favourite restaurant when a Chinese bloke said to him, "I am sick of seeing your big round eyes." 

The American replied, "Put on a blind fold." 

The Chinese man asked, "Where do I get one? 

The American then said, "Here, take my shoe lace!"

 

A Chinese teacher's assistant was teaching some college students but his thick accent affected his "Th" sound. 

"What is one turd plus one turd?" he asked, trying to say "third". 

"A pile of shit!" replied a student.

 

A drunken Jew goes across the bar and breaks the China-man's nose. 

The China-man asks "What was that for?" 

The Jew responds "That was for Pearl Harbour!" "Pearl Harbour," and the China-man responds "that wasn't the Chinese that was the Japanese!" 

The Jew retorts "Chinese, Japanese, Korean, you are all the same to me." 

Later the China-man busts the Jew in the mouth. The Jew asks "why", and the China-man responded "it is for the Titanic" 

Jew replies "Titanic, that was an Iceberg" 

China-man retorts "Iceberg, Greenberg, Goldberg...... all the same!"

 

What’s do you call a Chinese hooker that would get on her knees? 

Cantonese! (can-to-nese)

 

There was an American man who lived in China and when he was there he had a lot of sex and never used a condom the entire time he was there. Then he returned to America and one morning, he woke up and noticed bright green and purple dots on his willy. The man freaked out. 

He went to the doctor. The doctor said "I have never seen anything like this before. We will need to run some tests." So they ran some tests and the doctor said come back in three days for your test results. 

The man came back three days later and the doctor said "I have some bad news. You have a disease called Pangolin HP. It is very uncommon here and we know little about it. I'm very sorry, sir but we will need to amputate your willy." The man was horrified. 

He went to a Chinese doctor thinking he would know more about it. The doctor said "oh yes, Pangolin HP". "Very aware, yes" said the Chinese doctor. 

The American doctor wants to amputate my willy. 

"Very stupid American doctor, make more money that way, no need to amputate!" 

"Oh! thank God" said the man. 

"Yes, just wait 2 weeks, fall off by itself!" retorted the Chinese doctor.

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