SATURDAY JOKES- 216

 

Fishing at the Sulu Sea at Sandakan, Sabah, Malaysia

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouts back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!"
"No," replied the CEO indignantly.
"Good!" replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.

 

Having been playing outside with his friends, a small boy came into the house and asked: “Grandma, what is it called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”
His grandma was surprised to hear such a forthright question from a six-year-old but decided to answer as honestly as she could. “Well,” she said hesitantly, “it’s called sexual intercourse.”
“Oh, okay,” said the boy and he ran outside to carry on playing with his friends.
A few minutes later, he came back in and said angrily: “Grandma, it isn’t called sexual intercourse. It’s called bunk beds. And Jimmy’s mom would like a word with you!”

 

Teacher: What's the meaning of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?
Student: Addu enna.
Teacher: I don't understand anything you said.
Student: Same here.

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that all of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

 

So, I walked into this bar and heard two girls speaking in what sounded like a lovely Scottish accent.

I said: So, are you two girls from Scotland?
One of them said: "Wales Idiot!"
So, I said: "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that. So, are you two Whales from Scotland?"
That's the last thing I remember.

 

Know what I would like to do.

I want to travel back to when my mom and dad had sex to have me.

And I would just run into the bedroom, right when they're doing it, and just spank my dad on the ass: I am your son from the future!

 

Our dog Daisy, sleeps about 20 hours a day.
Her food prepared for her.

She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365.

Her meals are provided at no cost to her .
She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this she pays nothing and nothing is required of her.

She lives in a nice neighborhood in Damansara, in an apartment that is much larger than she needs, and she is not required to do any upkeep.
If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep.
She receives these accommodations absolutely free.
She is living like a Queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head,
............Our dog Daisy, lives the life of our politician!!!

 

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a cigarette when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! What are you doing?"
The monkey says, "Smoking a cigarette, come up and have some."
So, the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few puffs together.
After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
The lizard climbs down the tree, ditty bops on through the jungle to the river and leans over the river to get his drink.
Well, the lizard is so tipsy that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in a tree and smoking a cigarette with the monkey and got too tipsy and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he's got to check this hippie monkey out and walks off into the jungle where he finds the tree where the monkey is still sitting and smoking the cigarette.
He looks up and says "hey you!"
The Monkey looks down and says, "wow dude ... how much water did you drink?"

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