Young Muslim women still fuzzy about sexual rights in marriage

Sisters in Islam (SIS) executive director Ratna Osman says the ambiguity on a Muslim husband’s right to sex can lead to abuse. – The Malaysian Insider file pic, May 1, 2015.

As the debate on marital rape within the context of Islam continues to rage among scholars and the online community, many young Muslim women remain unaware and even confused about their sexual rights in a marriage.

A rape-awareness campaign organised by the All Women’s Action Society (AWAM) and DAP assemblyman Yeo Bee Yin last week sparked a viral debate on whether or not “rape” was an appropriate term to be used to describe a Muslim husband forcing himself on his wife.

While some have maintained that a wife’s consent must be given even within the context of a marriage, many have also argued that a woman is obligated to give in to her husband’s sexual advances.

Among young Muslim women themselves, there appears to be confusion and a lack of clarity when it comes to their sexual rights.

Wan Zulaikha Mohd Zakaria, 24, who recently attended a pre-marital course at a local mosque in Kuala Lumpur, said she had been taught that sex was part a of wife’s obligation to her husband.

“There is no such term as ‘rape’ in marriage because it is wife’s duty and responsibility,” she told The Malaysian Insider.

She said while her fiance and she were advised that the husband must be “understanding” in his demands for sex, the religious officer who had conducted the course did not go into details about how far a husband could go in his demands.

“A wife’s role is to serve her husband in bed. But the husband must, of course, be understanding,” said Wan Zulaikha.

It was this ambiguity on a Muslim husband’s right to sex that led to potential abuse, said Sisters in Islam (SIS) executive director Ratna Osman.

“We really need to look into what exactly is being told to our young couples getting married. Is it still the medieval understanding of a relationship which was the practice then?”

By overemphasising the sexual role of a wife and not the responsibilities of a good husband, ulama indirectly take a patriarchal perspective on Islam which oftentimes did not protect the rights of a wife, said Ratna.

“Our clerics have to be more responsible. When they say a wife must obey their husband, what kind of husband must they obey?

“Is it if a husband wants to have sex, and the wife must follow? (But) we are not animals,” she said.

“Allah says in the Quran that the relationship between husband and wife must have love and tenderness, (but) where is love and tenderness when you force yourself onto a woman?”

For bride-to-be Siti Rabiatul Adawiyah Sheikh Ibrahim, the act of a man forcing himself on his wife was as much a sin as if a woman rejected her husband’s sexual advances.

Rabiatul, who will be married in December, said the course she attended at a local mosque also taught that a wife’s role was to satisfy her husband’s physical and sexual needs, although a man should not force himself on his wife if she rejected him.

She said it was considered a “sin” for a wife to reject her husband’s advances, but there was no outright condemnation by ulama for men who forced themselves on their wives.

“I believe it can be considered as rape if the husband forces the wife and she doesn’t consent to it. It is a rape and I agree that there are cases like this in Islam,” said Rabiatul, who works at a Sharia law firm.

In Malaysia, a Muslim husband stands to be punished under sharia law if he is found to have used violence to force himself on his wife. However, many cases go unreported as the victims were led to believe that the woman was to be blamed for not giving in to her man in the first place, said women's rights advocates.

“We, as women should not feel that we just have to follow," said Rabiatul.

“The obedience comes from respect, not because we are their slaves.”

- TMI