SATIRE | The new civics syllabus for Malaysia has become much clearer after “The Half Pardon”.
As our education system has been dumbed down, this shall be presented as a series of quiz questions.
1. What is something royal but seems shameful and had to be kept hidden for several days to avoid public anger?
A - Royal Danish butter cookies
B - royalty fees for music copyright
C - royal pandan, I mean, pardon
D - dare not answer
The Correct answer is D. In Malaysia, no criticism of the royalty is allowed. Anyone who does so may be charged under the Sedition Act.
2. Who or what can the prime minister blame after tacitly endorsing an unpopular decision that seems to excuse corruption?
A - the astrological stars were not in alignment
B - the Israel-Gaza conflict
C - the Deep State entrenched in the civil service, business and politics still supports corruption
D - the Agong
OK, dear students, this is a tricky one. C is true in reality, but of course, the PM cannot admit it publicly.
So, in this case, the correct answer is D. Note that unlike question 1, the Sedition Act does not apply to the PM because he controls whom the attorney-general persecutes.
So, are you young ones getting how this country works? Good! Then you should be able to answer the next question easily.
3. How is justice done in Malaysia?
A - in a fair and neutral way
B - to the highest moral standards of religion
C - strictly follow the law
D - eh hello, can kautim ah? I help you, you help me laa
The correct answer is D. Malaysia Boleh mah…
4. Why would a PM do something that makes his promise to fight corruption look like a joke?
A - he believed going after Daim Zainuddin would neutralise the joke
B - Umno was holding his PM post by the b*lls and could cause the government to collapse anytime
C - he believed this would bring the Malay votes back to him
D - promise? What promise?
This is another tough question as A, B, and C are quite close. But you must look at realpolitik, and the biggest fear is that the PM may lose his position. As for future Malay votes, who knows?
So, dear students, you must learn that civics is just a theoretical moral code that doesn't really apply in Malaysia. What actually matters is holding on to power.
5. What is the best way to earn RM50 million in just one year
A - go into cryptocurrency
B - join some dubious forex trading scheme
C - if you’re a convicted felon, spend one extra year in jail
D - go into the stock market
A, B, and D may earn you some money but you can also easily lose it. The only sure-fire way to earn that much money is option C.
6. In Singapore, a minister who accepted tickets for Formula One, English Premier League matches, and West End musicals was charged with corruption. What do we call this in Malaysia?
A - aiya, just kacang putih laa
B - biasalah bro, where got corruption?
C - siao ah, why so strict one?
D - relationship building
Correct answer: ALL of the above!
7. Corruption is a cancer in society that erodes trust in the law and the government. It also deters foreign investors. So what should we do?
A - both the MACC and public prosecutor must become fully independent
B - become super strict on corruption, just like Singapore
C - emphasise the Islamic teaching that corruption is an even bigger sin than eating pork
D - give our world famous kleptocrat “The Half Pardon”, plus a RM160 million Chinese New Year angpow
A, B, and C are real but idealistic solutions. For Malaysian civics, the correct answer is D.
8. Singapore is more effective at fighting corruption than Malaysia. What can we learn?
A - how even a tiny country with no natural resources can thrive by being clean
B - Lee Kuan Yew set the example with a no-nonsense approach to bribery
C - they became the hub of Southeast Asia by ensuring efficiency without tedious backdoor deals
D - Singapore is not a Muslim country. Lee Kuan Yew inspired the Malaysian Malaysia concept. Therefore, Singapore is a threat to the Malays and we refuse to learn anything from them
Dear students, A, B, and C are the real reasons. But that means we are admitting we are inferior. How could that be when we are a more holy country?
In Malaysian civics, we always cover our own faults and blame others whenever possible for our failures. So the correct answer here is D.
9. What practical lesson can judges learn from this episode?
A - it's useless to convict VVIPs
B - justice is alive and well in Malaysia
C - in political cases, they must impose longer jail time because our pasar malam system will bargain it down by half
D - oh God, why be a judge?
A and D are futile emotional responses. The practical answer is C.
10. Which convicts really deserve a royal pardon?
A - those who are really sorry for what they’ve done and beg for public forgiveness
B - mothers who stole a tin of Milo during MCO to feed their children
C - those who spoke up against wrongdoing but who are then punished by the system
D - the guy who steals millions and then boasts “Cash is King”
Come on kids, you should know the answer to this by now ya?
11. How can the royals show disapproval of corruption?
A - shun those with corrupt reputations at public events
B - withdraw “Datuk” titles from suspected VIP politicians
C - give just a half-pardon, not a full one
D - we just grumble quietly, we dare not say anything about the royals
Once again, the correct answer is D.
12. How should Pakatan Harapan supporters react to the royal pardon?
A - declare that Reformasi has become ReforMATI
B - don't vote for anybody, thus ensuring that PAS and Bersatu win and we move towards an Islamic state
C - get the hell out of this country
D - instead of trying to see what we can do, let's just lash out aimlessly in anger and frustration
Yes, well done, the correct answer is B.
Conclusion
Our education system is exam-oriented. It does not encourage critical thinking which is dangerous as it may overturn the Deep State of parasites. That will cause social unrest as many people will be deprived of easy money.
So, please forget about questioning the system. Don't think. Just obey. And just memorise, memorise, and memorise the correct answers above.
However, we do allow a wee bit of creativity now and then. So, here’s our last question.
Which song best reflects our PM?
A- “It’s now or never… We save Malaysia… from Umno”, an adaptation of an Elvis Presley song
B - “Hoi hoi ya hoi…siapa sokong penyamun” (who supports robbers), a P Ramlee song given a twist by local rapper Altimet
C - Azizah, a song by P Ramlee
D - the James Ingram song “Just Once”.
Our musical PM has sung songs A, B, and C in public (as can be seen on YouTube). The first two were during election campaigns while the third was in honour of his wife.
But it is D, the James Ingram song, that best describes him now. As the lyrics go:
I did my best
But I guess my best wasn't good enough
Cause here we are
Back where we were before
Seems nothin' ever changes
Just once…
Can we figure out what we keep doin' wrong
- Mkini
ANDREW SIA is a veteran journalist who likes teh tarik khau kurang manis. You are welcome to give him ideas to brew at tehtarik@gmail.com.
The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.
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