A
mother and her very young son were flying Malaysia Airlines from Kuala Lumpur
to Langkawi.
The
little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and
asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't
big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The
mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So, the
boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess.
The
stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom
tell you to ask me?"
The boy
said, "yes, she did."
"Well,
then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because
Malaysia always pulls out on time.
Have
your Mom explain that to you!"
Did you know Bruce Lee had a
faster older brother?
Sudden
Lee!
A magazine reporter is
traveling through a remote rainforest, in search of a fabled cannibalistic
tribe. He falls into a trap, goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with
a fire burning slowly underneath him.
He cries out for help, and is
answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen, who informs him that he is
going to be served as dinner to the leader of the tribe.
"But you don't
understand!" he cries, "You can't do this to me! I'm an editor for
the New Yorker magazine!"
"Ah,"
replies the tribesman, "Well soon you will be editor-in-chief!"
Q. Who is the greatest
babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A.
David. He rocked Goliath into a very deep sleep!
Two blondes, Jane and Sarah,
were deep in a philosophical argument.
"Since you're so damned
smart," Sarah says, "answer this question: why is it that when a
slice of buttered bread falls to the ground, it's bound to fall on the buttered
side?"
Jane snorts, "It doesn't
always land on the buttered side. Here, I'll prove it." She gets out the
loaf of bread from the cupboard. Out comes the butter from the fridge. She
generously butters the bread. Then she drops it. Butter side up.
"Ha-ha! See?!"
"You
think you're so smart. You just buttered the wrong side of the bread!"
A
small-town prosecuting barrister called his first witness to the stand in a
trial - an attractive middle-aged lady. He approached her and asked, "Ms.
Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "I do know
you, Mr. Leigh. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've
been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a
rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not
knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Ms. Jones,
do you know the defence attorney?"
She again replied, "Why,
yes I do. I've known Mr. Knowles since he was a youngster too. I used to
baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to
me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal
relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the
entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this
point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both barristers to
the bench.
In a
very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she
knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
Why was
Blackbeard chosen to judge the baking contest?
Because
he was a pie-rate!
A
helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical
malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and
communication equipment.
Due to
the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to
steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled,
drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said
"WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People
in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and
held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.'
The pilot smiled, waved, looked
at his map and determined the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma)
airport and landed safely.
After they were on the ground,
the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign
helped determine their position.
The pilot responded, "I
knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave a technically
correct answer but a completely useless reply!
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