Men must learn to listen to women

 

A few days ago, I was schooled by a group of undergraduate students whom I was giving a lecture in a journalism class.

The class started with us discussing the latest news and current affairs. One student brought up the news of how the Road Transport Department (RTD) has started an e-test pilot project where driving tests for those obtaining their license for the first time can be done via automated testing.

In place of a human tester sitting next to the driver are just automated sensors that can track the movement of the car and actions of the driver.

Then, another student brought up the story about a Spanish couple touring India who were attacked and the wife gang raped by locals a few days ago.

The Indian authorities have arrested all suspects. As we discussed these news stories and their implications on our society, I brought up the fact that I hate driving and would prefer to take public transport.

For me, e-hailing services are the most convenient although they can get a bit expensive. But sometimes, I would rather pay a little bit extra for the joy of not having to drive in the city.

One female student then said that she doesn’t like e-hailing services because she doesn’t feel safe about it. She has had experiences where the drivers would harass her verbally or even look at her to make her feel uncomfortable.

I responded by saying that a lot of these e-hailing companies have put in place safety features in their apps that can track their journeys and also ease the reporting process if something were to happen so she shouldn’t worry too much because these companies do prioritise safety.

“But Mr Zan, even if we can make a report and action is taken against the driver, the incident would have already happened and I would have already been harassed. I would rather avoid it from even happening at all,” she said.

Understanding their struggles

I smiled sheepishly, nodded and agreed with her. She was definitely right and as a man, I did not understand the situation because things like this don’t usually happen to men in our very patriarchal society.

I have two young daughters and the thought of them having to go through life having to worry about their safety in a way that I, as a man, don’t have to, makes me sick to my stomach.

My wife and I teach them strength, resilience and courage as best as we can, but it still isn’t fair for them and half of the world’s population to have to go through this.

Recently, I also attended a screening of a documentary by Chen Yih Wen called “The Boys Club” organised by the US Embassy in Kuala Lumpur.

The documentary tells Chen’s experience of being sexually harassed while shooting another documentary.

When she reported it to her superiors, Chen was basically dismissed and it caused her stress and emotional damage.

The screening was followed by a panel discussion by members from the Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO) and All Women’s Action Society (Awam) about sexual harassment and bullying. Kudos to Chen for being brave enough to share her story.

Now, I don’t want to mansplain anything here but I do want to make a call to my fellow men to have more respect towards women.

We must realise that they are our equals and resist the centuries of misogyny and patriarchy that have been ingrained in us and society so that they, the women, can lead their lives fully as we men can - without fear and worry.

I think that as men, the very least we can do is just stay quiet and listen when women talk and express themselves. Of course, there is much more we can do, but listening is a very important first step.

After decades of effort, Malaysia finally passed the Anti-Sexual Harassment Act 2022 in August of that year. This is a positive step in the right direction, but as you can see, it still took decades from it being mooted to finally becoming reality.

This is proof that our society is still slow in its acceptance of gender equality and women’s rights. There is still a lot to be done and I hope that the women in Malaysia will continue to be strong and persistent.

As for us men, it really doesn’t take much to help. The women are already doing a good job. We just need to listen, respect and try to support them.

So I would like to take this opportunity to wish a happy International Women’s Day to my wife Sheril, daughters Athena and Alethea, and all women out there.

As to my son Achilles, remember to listen and respect your mother and sisters. - Mkini

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ZAN AZLEE is a writer, documentary filmmaker, journalist and academic. Visit fatbidin.com to view his work.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.