SUNDAY JOKES - 205

 

Temerloh, Pahang, Malaysia.

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. 

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband!"

 

Q - Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised?

A - Reports say it was due to too many strokes!

Store Manager: "I saw you arguing with that customer who just left. I told you before that the customer is always right. Do you understand me?"
Sales clerk: "Yes, sir. The customer is always right."
Store Manager: "That's better. Now what were you arguing with the customer about?"

Sales clerk: "Well, sir, he said you are an idiot!"

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

She got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of her legs and was still stuck!

Priest 1: We've got to do something. Many of the young people in our Church are converting to the Quaker faith.

Priest 2: I've noticed that too. In fact, some of my best friends now are Quacks!

A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead.
"Are you sure", the distraught woman asked? "He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?"
The vet paused for a moment and said, "There is one more thing we can do." He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage.
"Well, that confirms it", the vet announced, "your dog is dead."
Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, "How much do I owe you?"
"That will be RM 1,330", the vet replied.
"I don't believe it", screamed the woman! "What did you do that cost RM 1,330????"

"Well,", the vet replied, "it's RM 30 for the office visit and RM 1,300 for the CAT scan!"

Q - Why did the robber take a bath?

A - He wanted to make a clean getaway!

Bush and Osama decided to settle their ongoing war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dogfight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. He selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, he came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9-foot-long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistan dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of its cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund - but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all.
Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing," said Bush. "We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog!"

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