Suffering is universal, albeit manifested in different ways and to different extent. As we cope with struggles in our own lives and witness other people’s struggles unfold in the news, a common response is to search for an underlying significance that might make our devastation more bearable. This process of making meaning out of misery can be beneficial. For example, cancer patients who derive meaning from their medical experiences have a greater psychological adjustment. Likewise, following the death of a family member, people who make sense of their loss and even find benefits in it experience less distress.
Five positive changes signal post-traumatic growth and provide a
useful framework for how to make the best out of the worst situations. The
first is personal strength. Tragedy exposes our vulnerability in an
unpredictable world and therefore may cause us to feel weak or helpless. But,
paradoxically, it can also boost our self-confidence and lead us to view
ourselves as stronger. For instance, a car crash survivor reported that the incident motivated her to take charge
of her life with greater determination and willpower. People may feel empowered
by realizing that overcoming a past challenge means they will be able to
overcome future challenges.
The second is
relationships. Whether bonding on a deeper level with friends and family or
feeling connected to strangers who have gone through similar difficulties,
suffering can bring people closer together. Social support is especially
important for healing; discussing and processing hardships with other people
assists with meaning-making. For instance, women emerging from an intimate
partner's violence undergo more growth if they discuss their abuse with a
role model. Suffering may also prompt us to be more compassionate toward
others: A study out of Yale and MIT showed that survivors of violence felt
more empathy for Liberian refugees and therefore acted more altruistically,
such as by hosting the refugees in their homes.
The third way to
grow from trauma is through greater life appreciation. Tragedy can shift our
perspective, inspire us to value good things more and renew our intention to
make the most of our lives. One approach to focusing on gratitude is to sit
down once a week and write a list of things for which you are grateful from the
week prior. Researchers found that this exercise was linked to higher life
satisfaction, more optimism and fewer health complaints. Another
strategy is to savour and fully enjoy the things that bring us joy, such
as a hot mug of coffee, the sunset or spending time with a friend.
The fourth is beliefs, which may change or be reinforced as a result of
grief. As researchers explain, people may evolve existentially to see
themselves and their role in the world differently or to feel a new spiritual
connection, which can influence their sense of purpose or their faith,
respectively. For instance, religious parents whose child is diagnosed with
cancer might understand their struggle as God’s will, consistent with
their previous beliefs. Conversely, they may question whether God exists at
all, thereby challenging their previous beliefs. Research suggests that
individuals benefit from attempting to reconstruct or reaffirm their sense
of meaning in this way.
Lastly, the fifth positive change is new
possibilities. In the aftermath of trauma, people may perceive that new
opportunities are available and pursue them. Consider a man who gets
fired, feels ashamed and depressed but soon after starts working on what he is
truly passionate about, which was not possible at his former job. One method of
identifying new possibilities is to envision your ideal life in the future and
strategize about bringing that vision to fruition. A study showed that
people felt significantly happier after spending twenty minutes each day for
four days writing about their imagined best possible selves or planning their
goals. Additionally, this activity can increase optimism.
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