During
a funeral, the organist played a beautiful rendition of Bach's "Sheep May
Safely Graze" as the casket was carried out of the church.
After
the service, the priest complimented him on his performance.
"Oh, by the way," the priest asked,
"Do you know what the deceased did for a living?"
"No idea," said the
organist as he began packing up.
The priest smiled, "He was
our local butcher!"
“Your
underwear is much too tight and very revealing,” I said to my wife.
She
said, “Wear your own then!”
As a
mother was bribing her little boy with a fifty-cent coin so he would behave,
she said, "Why do I always have to pay you to be good?
Why can't
you be good for nothing like your dad?"
My boss
in the office told me to have a good day, so I packed my bag and went home!
The doctor entered the room and
advised his patient that a brain transplant was the only remedy.
"Fortunately," he continued,
"this hospital has perfected the procedure; however, it is not yet
available in the Government hospital and you will therefore have to pay for it.
We have two brains in stock at
the moment, a female brain costing RM 30,000 and a male brain at RM 100,000"
"Why is the male brain so
expensive?" asked the patient.
"Oh,
that's easy, male brains are hardly used!"
Yesterday
I saw a chicken crossing the road.
I asked
it why.
It told
me it was none of my business!
Every
sentence ends with a period.
Every
crime ends with a sentence!
A man
enters his favourite Ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table,
he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.
He calls the waiter over and
asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing
that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.
The waiter gets the bottle and
quickly sends it over to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a nearby
table. She looks at the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over
to the man.
The note read: "For me to
accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million
dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
The man, after reading this
note, sends another note to her. It read:
"Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testa Rosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my willy. Just send the wine back!"
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