The generation we are misreading – and what it’s costing us

 What comes across as harsh may actually be valuable advice. All we need to do is to see it for what it really is.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how some people care, but don’t always sound like they do. It took me years to understand that about my late father.

He wasn’t the kind who said “I’m proud of you” or “it’s okay to cry”. His words were sharp, his actions practical — he’d bring home books by Shakespeare and Dickens, then quiz me on the plot, or test me on math at the most unexpected moments — something that often left me frustrated.

There were also times when he took me on long drives when I wasn’t feeling well, picked me up from the bus station in the rain, saved the last piece of fried chicken for me.

Different moments, different expressions but it was all the same thing.

I just didn’t know it until much later in life — and by then, there wasn’t much time left.

Misunderstood generation 

Lately, I’ve been seeing the same pattern play out in the workforce.

A friend of mine — a leader from an older generation, often referred to as the “baby boomer” generation — cares deeply about his team. You can see it in the time he gives, the way he steps in when things go wrong, and the accountability he bears for outcomes that aren’t always his alone to carry.

And yet, his words don’t always land that way — they can come across as abrupt, even harsh. I’ve seen how easily that gets misunderstood.

We’re quick to label it as lack of empathy or a gap in emotional intelligence. But what if it’s something else?

Many from that generation were raised in environments where strength meant providing, not expressing — where care was shown through action, not conversation.

Sometimes, what we hear as harshness is actually protection.

With experience comes what psychology calls pattern recognition — the ability to spot risks early, to sense when something might not end well. When you’ve lived through enough setbacks, your instinct is to step in quickly, to correct, to prevent.

It doesn’t always come out gently.

But underneath, it’s often the same thing: I don’t want you to go through what I did.

We’re seeing a generation of leaders who weren’t given the language — but carried the intention.

And somewhere between intention and interpretation, we lose each other.

Misreading actions 

What concerns me is this: if we continue to read them only through our lens — and don’t learn how to understand them now — we risk missing what they’re actually offering, particularly for the future of leadership in Malaysia.

I am referring to the decades of lived experience, resilience, paths walked long before ours and judgement earned through real conditions that no classroom can replicate.

The kind of knowledge that isn’t written down nor can it be taught in a classroom.

This is a generation now nearing the end of their working years.

“We can work it out,” as The Beatles once sang.

Perhaps the real work isn’t in asking them to change how they speak but in changing how we choose to listen.

Because somewhere between what was said and what was meant, there’s still something worth uncovering. - FMT

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.