A four-year-old teaches me a lesson I will never forget

Sometimes it takes the innocence of a child to remind us that it costs nothing to be polite to those around us.

COMMENT

Every year, I make ambitious resolutions that I promptly abandon. So this year, I made simple resolutions – one of which was to greet the people I meet in the lift.

You see, with every trip I make outside Malaysia, I meet foreigners who never cease to impress me with their politeness when they step into a lift.

“Hello!”

“Good morning!”

And once they are inside the little box, conversation ensues.

“Are you from the Middle East or India?”

“I am from Malaysia.”

“Ah, the country with the twin towers!”

“You’ve visited Malaysia?”

“Yes, and I love your roti (canai)!”

Delightful, unexpected conversations such as these always make my day. And so I decided to practice the good gesture myself. I thought, how difficult would it be, right? I mean, making eye contact with people while flashing my winning smile and greeting them with a big ‘Hello’ should be a ‘joo-joo-bee’ (in Super Star Rajnikanth’s slang that would mean ‘a piece of cake’).

The first time I tried saying “Hello” was on the second day of 2016 and I failed miserably. I got tongue-tied the instant the lift door opened. Suddenly, offering a “Hello” to strangers, who didn’t even bother to look at me, made the gesture seem too awkward.

The second time, I managed a “Hello” and a smile – but all I got in return were blank stares. Some even turned around, thinking I was greeting someone behind them. I suspect many simply did not know how to react as it isn’t the norm in our society.

“Ma, you are embarrassing us,” said my son after my second attempt failed. “People are busy with their handphones and are not bothered with your ‘Hellos’.”

“People are just not used to it but if I keep it up, sooner or later someone will return my smile and wish me right back,” I said confidently.

“Yeah, right! Good luck,” my son said, rolling his eyes.

Throughout the week, I continued greeting the occupants in the lift – every morning and evening. But no one responded. Not even a smile or a nod. It left me feeling kinda silly. So within just two weeks of 2016, I found myself abandoning this resolution too. I also felt my confidence eroding with each passing day.

Maybe Malaysians were raised not to speak to strangers. Maybe we were taught to keep a distance from people we did not know. Maybe greeting a stranger was seen as giving consent for conversation to follow and this is something people simply do not want. I guess talking loudly on the phone in a lift full of people, letting everyone know how irritating one’s mother-in-law is or how keen an investor one is, is perfectly fine while responding to a simple greeting is just too darn personal.

I wonder how Mat Sallehs do it with such ease. I mean, their politeness is evident no matter where you meet them. It’s different in our society – the more educated we are, the more we shield ourselves from the rest of the world. Perhaps it is not in our culture to be polite. We are more a “tolerant” society than a polite one. Maybe we spend so much time tolerating one another that we’ve ceased to see the value in being polite.

So there I was, having got sucked back into abiding by our society’s norms – to stare at the lift door and ignore everyone sharing that little space with me. Sometimes I lose myself surfing the net on my handphone to pass the time. And at other times, I admire my sandals and count my toes over and over again until it is time to get off.

And then yesterday, something delightful happened – I met a four-year-old girl who lives on the fifth floor of my apartment block. Carrying her purple schoolbag, dressed in her green playschool uniform, she waved at everyone as her mother ushered her into the crowded space.

“Hello!” she said as she flashed a sweet smile, stepping into the lift.

“Why are there so many people, mommy? Where is everyone going?” she asked her mom.

“Shhhhh!” her mom rolled her eyes with her finger glued to her lips.

Just as she was looking around, smiling at everyone, the lift started acting up – it began shaking quite a bit, causing the little girl to panic.

“Something is wrong. Mommy, something is wrong,” she said with both her tiny hands covering her mouth.

As her mother shushed her, she turned around and asked the cleaning lady dressed in her blue uniform, “Kakak, what is wrong?”

I couldn’t resist smiling at her cuteness. I turned around to realise I wasn’t the only one smiling.

“Jangan takut, lif gerak sikit saja,” the lady replied with a big smile.

Soon, the lift arrived at the Lower Ground parking floor. “Bye! Bye! See you! Bye! Bye!” she waved to everyone and everyone including me, waved right back at her. Wow, what a wonderful way to begin the day!

Feeling amused and rather joyous from that encounter, I automatically smiled too. That’s when I realised everyone else in the lift was not only smiling but nodding at each other as they stepped outside.

I believe each of them walked to their cars feeling a little lighter that morning and would pass on these good vibes to others they met along their way.

I learned something valuable from the little girl that day – “Do everything with sincerity and never expect anything in return.”

Perhaps I had given up on my resolution too soon. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to continue greeting people even if no one acknowledges me. After all, when a four-year-old can show such sincere politeness, it is rather embarrassing that a forty-year-old can’t.