In sickness and health, husband gifted with new lease of life

 

Recently married and looking forward to welcoming his first child, fate threw Suraj Paramasivam a curveball in 1988.

He was diagnosed with the same kidney ailment that his father had succumbed to when Suraj was a still child.

Now 55 years old, the civil engineer recalled how he was unaware that it was a hereditary condition. He was about to turn 30 when his sister informed him that she, too, was suffering from polycystic kidney disease.

There is no cure for polycystic kidney disease. Even when diagnosed at an early stage, treatment would not prevent polyps from growing in the kidneys, resulting in enlargement and decreased function.

His pregnant wife, Nirmala Vythilingam, was devastated.

As the disease progressed, Suraj was given two options - dialysis for the rest of his life or to undergo a transplant.

Nirmala, who shares the same blood group (B positive) as her husband, did not think twice before offering to donate one of her kidneys.

“I was 100 percent sure. We can all live with one kidney,” she said, adding with a laugh that she got to keep the “better kidney” for herself.

Furthermore, Nirmala, who is the same age as Suraj, said she was her husband’s only hope.

“In Malaysia, a living donor for kidneys has to be an immediate family member. The next level of donors are your relatives, aunties, uncles or cousins. You can't go to your distant relatives to ask for a kidney,” she added.

Unfortunately, the plan hit a wall when scans revealed that Nirmala had stones in her kidneys and was considered an ineligible donor.

However, another doctor, who was consulted, gave the green light for the transplant after discovering that her kidneys naturally produced the stones.

Apart from the medical tests, Nirmala said she had to see a psychiatrist as well.

“They will talk to you to see if you will change your mind when the time comes or anything like that,” she explained.

Being open to kids

The couple then broke the news to their children, who were then aged 12, 15, and 18.

“Before the operation, we talked about it. We never hide anything from them,” said Suraj.

Recalling that moment, their eldest child, Paveethran, said he was “shocked” when told that his mother would have to donate one of her kidneys.

Their children knew of their father’s condition and had even accompanied him to the dialysis centre on numerous occasions to observe the process. However, the prospect of both their parents going under the knife was unnerving.

Pavithren, who is now 25, said before the transplant, his routine consisted of sending his father for dialysis, picking up his siblings from school, running errands, including doing the marketing and sending food to his father.

His paternal grandmother also helped with household chores and taking care of the children.

Paveethran’s brother, Ishwaar, who was 12 when Suraj had the transplant, said his father was always in pain when he was undergoing dialysis.

“He would wake up in the middle of the night. He suffered cramps and had to drink 100 Plus in the middle of the night,” he added.

However, Ishwaar said when he learned of the transplant, he had hoped for the best.

“I was thinking that my dad would have a better life (after the transplant) and things would be better for us as a family as well,” he added.

Despite the challenging circumstances at that time, Ishwaar scored all A’s in his UPSR exams. He is now doing a matriculation course.

The couple’s only daughter Dakshayani, who was 15 at the time and sitting for her PT3 examination, said she was afraid that the transplant would lead to complications.

“I never told my parents this, but I talked about it with my grandmother. She told me to be positive and have faith,” added the accounting student.

On June 29, 2017, Suraj’s kidneys were removed to prepare him for the transplant.

“I still had to undergo dialysis. I underwent an orthopaedic surgery called fistula (joining an artery and vein) so that dialysis can be performed through my hand,” he said.

When that failed after some time, it was replaced with a catheter (a soft tube placed in a large vein) in his neck, which Suraj described as not a comfortable experience.

After recovering from the transplant on Aug 19, Suraj started working again after having to quit his previous job because of his health complications.

“My wife gave me a new lease of life. It was a great gift from her and I love her more for it. I don’t know if I would still be alive if she hadn’t done what she did. People who are on dialysis do not live long,” he said, describing his family as his pillar of strength.

‘Kidneyversary’ cake

The couple even celebrate their "Kidneyversary" with the family, with a specially made cake every year. This year, they will be celebrating their seventh "Kidneyversary".

Both Suraj and Nirmala have also registered as organ donors. Even Suraj’s mother had signed up before she passed on. -  Mkini