A young
gay man calls home and tells his mother that he has met a wonderful girl and
they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be
happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her.
She
responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it
would be too much to hope that she is a nice lady?"
He
tells her that not only she is a very nice girl, but is from a wealthy Beverly
Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What
is her name?"
He
answers, "Monica Lewinsky."
There
is a long pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice
Catholic boy you were dating last year?"
What did Winnie the Pooh say to
his new love interest?
Show me
the honey!
A man walked into a nightclub
and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar. He asked her to dance.
She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were
cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you
have on?"
The flattered girl told him it
was Chanel number 5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You
smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"
"Well,
I've got a hard on, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy
replied.
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where
you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand,
extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as
you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that
you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move
up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try
to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your
arms straight for more than a full minute.
After you feel confident at
that level, put a potato in each of the sacks!
Why do
the seven dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
The grass tickles their balls!
The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and
demanded his room be changed.
"But sir," said the
clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I insist on another
room!!" said the drunk.
"Very good, sir. I`ll
change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like
502?" asked the clerk.
"Well, for one
thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire!"
What do
you call a nanny that doesn’t flush?
Mary
Poopins the toilet!
A young man from Penang moves to Kuala Lumpur and
goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking
for a job.
The manager asks, "Do you have any sales
experience?" The kid replies, "Yeah, I was one of the best car
salesmen back in Penang."
The boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
"You can start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you
did."
His first day on the job was
rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came
down. "How many customers bought something from you today? The kid
responds, "One."
The boss says, "Just one?
Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale
for?"
"RM 401,237.65."
"RM 401,237.65? Really!
What did you sell to him?"
"First, I sold him a small
fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook. Then, I sold him a larger fish
hook. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then, I asked him where he was going
fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going to need a boat, so
we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Boston
Whaler. Then, he said he didn't think his car would pull it, so I took him down
to the automobile department and sold him a 4x4 truck with all the bells and
whistles."
"A guy came in here to buy
a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?!"
"No, the guy came in here
to buy feminine products for his wife and I said, Dude, it's your weekend shot.
You should go fishing!"
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