Najib blows RM10mil on cyber-war against Pakatan

The war must be won no matter how. To win the war, the battles must keep going on - one after the other. Unfortunately for the UMNO Empire many battles have been lost. Its Enterprise Starship, the UMNO-BN government, is to start on another war to open a new frontier - Cyberwar, the targeting of an entire nation especially those who are IT literate.

There are several forces on the prowl to chomp down the President. These are the people from the Opposition Front, the Traitors from within the UMNO Empire, including the ex-presidents themselves!

Thus the cyber war has to be fought on three fronts - to strengthen the President's position against the ex-presidents, to prevent the President from being back-stabbed by the Traitors and to win votes away from the Opposition Front.

Dinosaurs from the past

At a time when he has to protect the Enterprise and the Empire, the President suddenly finds his energies have to be dispersed to fight other smaller but no less dangerous fronts. These are his own nagging personal problems that he had failed to cover up earlier.

Now, they are back to haunt him in more ways than one. And they are neither the size of the elephant in the room nor the hairy mammoth - they are the size of the Jurassic dinosaurs!

First his James Bond skirt-chasing days, as told by his late father to an ex-foreign diplomat, have somehow been leaked and circulating around town. The scandal can threaten his presidency if it cannot be controlled. Then his various local ex-lovers like the Stud, followed by the Mongolian Beauty and her two jinxed Scorpenes seem to have banded together to conspire against him.

And finally, his extravagant, mischievous, and meddling true love - the First Lady. She too is letting him down by stirring up hornet's nest after nest.

No wonder, the President's strategies to boost the economy and prevent it from morphing into another Greece, to try to make changes to the judiciary and political system have ended up worse than Myanmar, albeit there is now some similarity between the UMNO Empire and Putin's Russia.

Stop wasting money on public relations, wear a Mask!

The President has also failed to improve his image despite hiring dozens of fancy public relations consultants. Frankly, he would do better to just wear a mask like Darth Vader. He is also burdened by the fear of an Arab Spring happening in the UMNO Empire, which is already swamped by unpayable debts like Ireland, facing depleting funds like Kyrgyzstan and weakening faster than the British Empire.

But the President has not given up yet. He is emulating the US, which also wants to move the next battle to space - cyberspace. But even with the depleting funds, the President has managed to find RM10 million to allocate to this new battle.

In fact, he has already got his own General in place to command this war - Field Marshall Rocky Bru aka Akhiruddin Atan. This General is also provided with all the assistance he needs in the form of the President’s own press secretary Tengku Sariffudin, the non-executive board member of Utusan Melayu Bhd and an ex-journalist from The New Straits Times.

Now we can easily make the assumptions that the cyber warriors will be enlisted either from Utusan or The New Straits Times or both. If need be those from Berita Harian will also be called in to help. The perks are also too good to be ignored but like all good things, they never last. This battle is going to be fought 24/7 from now until the 13th General Election.

Filth unlimited

Of course, the law will have to be lax on these cyber troopers as they are going for battle to win the Mother of all Wars - GE-13 - and all the authorities especially the Communications and Multimedia Commission (CMC) have been instructed to open wide all the gates, traps and nets and let the bullets and lasers pass through, no matter how much poison they may release into the atmosphere.

These cyber troopers have been given the mandate to post any sort of writing no matter how racist, how degrading or disrespectful to any religion whether Islam or non-Islam, or how slanderous as long they encourage the residents of the UMNO Empire to feel disgusted about the Opposition Front.

This will form the crux of the President's strategy in the Mother of All Wars. But to those decent-hearted souls who feel concerned, fear not. Justice and Truth shall prevail. Luke Skywalker will beat Darth Vader. Light will triumph over Darkness. And above all, what goes around comes around. The UMNO Empire and its President will be felled by their own filth and dirt, mark our words.

Malaysia Chronicle