SUNDAY JOKES - 74

 

Our cat Sayang, sleeps about 20 hours a day.
Her food is prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her .
She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this she pays nothing and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighbourhood in Desa Parkcity in an apartment that is much larger than she needs, and she is not required to do any upkeep.
If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep.
She receives these accommodations absolutely free.
She is living like a Queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head,
...Our cat Sayang is a Politician!

How do you make 7 even?

Take away the S.

Encik Sabtu had been giving his second-year pupils a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time....
"Class," he said, "my name begins with the letter 'M,' and I pick up things....What am I?"
A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!"

Back in my hippie college days, a professor came up to me in the cafeteria and asked me, "You dig?"
I thought to myself, this guy's pretty far out. I answered, "Yeh, man. I dig!"
That's how I got hoodwinked into joining his archaeological expedition.

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So, Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

I walked into a bar and heard two girls speaking in what sounded like a lovely Scottish accent. I said: So, are you two girls from Scotland?
One of them said: "Wales, Idiot!"
So, I said: "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that. So, are you the two Whales from Scotland?"
That's the last thing I remember!

Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?

It didn't have the guts!

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me, you will all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the Story? 

Even though the others do all the work... the asshole is always in charge!

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