How difficult is it to fast when someone eats in front of you?

 

Do you ever wonder if certain societal problems will never be solved even if the solution is so rational, logical and obvious? Some issues crop up on a regular basis and no matter what we say or how we discuss the matter, and no matter what solution we come up with, the issue will still remain the same and crop up again and again.

This time around, the issue that I would like to raise (whether this is going to be a futile effort or not, we’ll see) is fasting during the month of Ramadan.

My two oldest children fast. They are young. Athena, the eldest is 11 years old and Alethea, the second, is seven (the youngest is only three so isn’t fasting yet). My wife and I have never forced them to fast. They both started fasting out of their own initiative.

Even when they decided to start, we never gave any instructions or enforced any strict commitment on their part.

Basically, if they want to fast, they can. But if they don’t want to, it’s okay. Of course, we explain to them that if they decided to fast, then they should stick with it and not simply eat just because they saw a bar of Kit Kat lying in the kitchen. So far, they’ve been doing okay. They’ve been doing great actually.

Alethea started the earliest. She was five years old when she told my wife and me that she wanted to fast. We were concerned that she was a bit too young. But she wanted to try and so we said okay. We explained to her that she can try fasting for half a day at first and then slowly move up to three-quarters of the day and eventually a full day.

But she went gung-ho the first day and went for the full version. Of course, we kept on asking her if she was doing alright and if her hunger or thirst was getting unbearable. She was fine and she completed her first full day of fasting with no fuss or drama.

No problems fasting

We were very proud of her. There were times in that month when she fasted full days and half days. It was fine. She was five.

When she was five and six years old, she was going to kindergarten and there weren’t really any issues with her fasting in her school. But this year, she started Standard One and I knew she was going to encounter things that are going to confuse her when it comes to fasting. I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about now.

The first thing she told us when she got home one day was that those who were not fasting were not allowed to eat or drink in class. They had to go out of the class to drink or go to the canteen to eat. It was so that the kids who were fasting wouldn’t see them eating and wouldn’t feel offended by the sight of them.

This wasn’t too bad actually. I remember there were issues before where schools did ridiculous things like make students who don’t fast eat in the bathrooms. Even this year, there were alleged incidents where schools issued circulars to parents stating that students were not allowed to eat or drink in school. They were not even allowed to bring drinks or food.

This is quite nonsensical. Primary school children are very young. Religiously, they aren’t even required to fast. So what is it with this extreme action by the schools? My wife and I are always telling Alethea that she doesn’t have to fast if she can’t. She has gymnastics and swimming classes throughout the week and we told her that if she gets hungry or tired, just break her fast.

So, most of the time when she has these classes, she told us she would fast for half a day. We’re okay with that. In fact, even if she doesn’t want to fast on those days, we would be okay too. On these days, she wouldn’t be fasting in school. So she would bring food and drinks and eat in school.

I wouldn’t appreciate it if the school told me she wasn’t allowed to do so. Even on days when she is fasting, we tell her to bring food just in case she needs to break her fast.

Even the decision by the school to not allow non-fasting students to eat in front of fasting students is not very agreeable to me. Alethea knows that when she fasts, it is her decision and no one else’s. So why should anyone else have to hold themselves back by not eating in front of her?

At home, she has no problems when her younger brother Achilles eats in front of her. So she doesn’t have a problem when her friends in school eat in front of her either.

I regularly hang out with my friends who don’t fast during lunchtime or when they decide to have coffee. The day is just like any other normal day and if we decide to hang out at a cafe, we hang out at the cafe. The only difference is that I would be fasting. I won’t be eating or drinking, but I still want to hang out. And the last I checked, hanging out doesn’t cancel out your fast.

Fasting isn’t difficult

I do understand that many non-Muslims who aren’t fasting just don’t want to disrespect their Muslim friends and relatives by eating in front of them. That is very nice and understanding of them. But it’s really no big deal. Fasting really isn’t that difficult you know. We’re not starving. We still eat and drink like normal.

Muslims who fast need to check themselves and start to remember and realise what fasting is all about. Among other things, it is about commitment to the faith, sacrifice, self-control and empathy. When you are forced to do it out of extreme laws, rules and regulations by society, then the objective starts to veer.

That’s how my wife and I choose to educate our children about fasting. The result of this is quite encouraging and positive. We never have to force them to fast. They do it willingly. We never have to check if they’re playing truant with their fasting and lying to us because they know if they don’t want to, we’re okay with that. Contrary to what some people might think, this does not lead to them constantly just not wanting to fast. It’s quite the opposite actually.

Every year during Ramadan, these issues gain attention. Honestly, these aren’t even issues. I’m starting to give up on the state and the school system when it comes to this. I’ll just educate my children about fasting how I see fit and tell them to ignore all the ridiculousness that they see around them. I tell them that as long as they know why they are doing it and they do it willingly and without coercion, they’re doing it right. - Mkini

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ZAN AZLEE is a writer, documentary filmmaker, journalist and academic. He had waited so long for a change in the system and he is not willing to settle for a half-past-six change. And then the Sheraton Move happened. Visit fatbidin.com to view his work.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.