SATURDAY JOKES - 105

 

A woman seated herself in the psychiatrist's clinic. 

"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. 
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law!

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. 

The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole” she replied. 

He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide!”

Jeff: I had grandparents that were well into their 80s and still were having fun.
Walter: They are in their 80s? What kind of sex is that? Was it good for them? 

Jeff: I don't remember. Who are you? Mind your own business!

Girl: "Girls are better than boys."
Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"
Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy!"

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." 

The man replies, "Boobs!"

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A: A mosquito quits sucking after you hit it!

A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her. The woman and her husband got a divorce and the woman went on with her life hating her ex-husband. One day she found a beautiful lamp lying on the sidewalk. She picked it up and rubbed it a little bit. Suddenly, a genie popped out of the lamp! The genie said that it would grant her 3 wishes and that with every wish her husband will get the same thing only double!
So, the woman thinks of a first wish...
"I want to be rich!!!"
So, the woman became rich, and the husband became twice as rich!
The woman then thought of a second wish...
"I want to be beautiful!!"
So, the woman became beautiful, and the husband became twice as beautiful.
"Okay", the genie says. "This is your last wish so be careful what you wish for!"
The woman thought real hard and finally came to a decision...

"I Want You To Beat Me HALF To Death!!!"

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