SATURDAY JOKES - 104

 

A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp, the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So, the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars.
'Every blonde in the world will get two million.' The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man.
'Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.'
The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. 

'Now for your third wish.' asked the genie.
'See that stick over there?', said the brunette, 'I want you to beat me half to death with it.'

I can't stand when bread gets overcooked. 

I'm black-toast intolerant!

The Cajun menu offered a vast fish selection: Blackened redfish, orange roughy pink salmon, browned yellowtail...
Yet with a carefree, colour-blind cook, we all ended up with Rainbow trout!

 

A young pupil asked, "Master, what is fate."
"Ah, my son, it is what has brought great nations together. It has made the world a smaller place in which to live. It has inspired men of worth to work endless hours. It will someday enable men to span the universe and light years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time."
"And that, my master, is fate?"

"Oh, fate! I thought you said freight!"

Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious!

 

A man goes to see a dentist and asks "How much to pull two wisdom teeth?"

The dentist says "RM 100.00."
The man says, "too much. Can't you do it for less?"
The dentist says "I can do it for RM 50 if I cut out the novocaine."
The man says, "that's better but still too much. Can't you do it any cheaper?"
The dentist says, "I could let my trainee do it for RM 20 but she has never pulled a tooth before and it would be quite painful."
The man says, "That's great. Schedule my wife for next Tuesday!"

I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one from Mississippi and the other from Texas, were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The Mississippian said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me." 

The Texan lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"

The lady from Mississippi continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."
Again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"
The first woman boasted, "Then when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
Yet again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
The Texas lady replied, "My husband sent me to charm school."
"Charm school!" the first woman cried. "For God's sake, child, what on Earth for?"
The Texas lady responded, "So that instead of saying, 'who gives a crap,' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that nice?'"

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